I’ve looked for Allie everywhere. I went to Blackbear. I showed up at Manzanita, questioning a very pissed-off Halston, and even called Dylan. When I finally find her, she’s walking out of one of her classes at Kerrigan. She doesn’t see me yet. She has her headphones on, eyes aimed at her Doc Martens. Her face is free of makeup, her hair down and straight, and she’s wearing a hoodie that swallows up her tiny form, almost reaching her bare knees. When she looks up, her eyes find mine. She stops short a couple of feet away from me, and my heart clenches in my chest seeing the pain written on her face.
“Allie.”
I move toward her, but she holds up a hand, shaking her head.
“I’m here now.”
“But you weren’t,” she says so quietly I can barely hear the words.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I pushed you away because I thought I was protecting you.”
“From what?” She scoffs.
“From me!” I take another step toward her. “I thought I could do it. I thought I could let you go. You went from being my distraction to my downfall, and I didn’t know what the fuck to do with that. But when I woke up and you were gone, I’ve never felt anything like that in my life. I didn’t expect to love you, Allie.”
Her chin trembles as the first tear falls.
“And it turns out, I’m too selfish to save you from myself.”
“You left me!” she shouts. Her glassy eyes dart around. Suddenly aware of our surroundings, she lowers her voice. “Everyone leaves.”
Her words slice right through me. Her dad died. Her mom moved away. And I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. Why would she trust me, when all I’ve ever done is leave?
“I can’t do this,” she says, moving past me. I want to chase after her. Every instinct in me is screaming to fight for her. But maybe this time I need a different approach.
* * *
TRAY IN HAND, I MAKE my way over to my table, dropping plates off for my customers. “Let me know if I can get you anything else,” I say, offering a placid smile. When I turn back around, I see Jess sitting in my section.
I straighten my shoulders, walking past him like it’s not killing me to see him. Like I’m not dying to touch him again. I make a beeline for the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind me and pressing my back against it. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
The door opens behind me and I gasp, stumbling backward into a familiar chest.
Jesse’s arms come around me, shutting the door behind us, and for a moment, I allow myself to sink into him. His nose is in my hair, his lips grazing my neck.
“I know I fucked up, but I’m not going anywhere this time, Allie Girl.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, my nose starting to tingle with the promise of tears. God, get it together, Allie.
He presses a kiss against the back of my neck, and I shrug him off me, spinning around to face him.
“You’re wasting your time.”
He scrapes his teeth across his bottom lip, cocky expression firmly in place. “We’ll see about that.”
All week long, Jesse’s been lurking around Blackbear, making it impossible for me to think of anything but him. I’ve been mentally wishing he’d just leave me alone, but when he didn’t show during my shift today, I found myself feeling disappointed. I miss him. God, do I miss him.
I pull into my driveway, throwing the car in park before cutting the engine off. My grandma told me where the keys were once I moved in, and I finally decided to drive my graduation present. I don’t have much of a choice now that I’m living alone. I need to get to work each day and then school once summer’s over.
I climb out, shutting the door behind me.
“Nice ride.”
My head snaps up, seeing Jesse standing by my front door with a box in his hand.
“How do you know where I live?”
“Halston’s Team Jesse now.”