“I have no interest in making waves for anybody.” To anybody that knew me, they would shake their head in disbelief by the transformation from a sexual kitten on the prowl to something of a woman that had lost sight of herself. I showed no confidence, kept my head down and did not show my obvious attributes by using some strategic tape to keep things in place.
No guy was giving me a second look and looking flat did not afford me the leering gazes of the male populous. I wore baggy clothes; nothing of a brand name and everything that I was wearing was off the rack of a surplus discount store. I wanted to shed these layers, slip into a Chanel original, but there was no way that I could without exposing myself as a fraud.
I’d noticed in the first week that I was working that Lillian was not predictable. Her hours would always change like she didn’t want anybody to really know when she was coming and going. It made my job a little harder, but it was a matter of waiting for the right opportunity to strike.
“That’s what I like about you, Shelly. You have no interest in the corporate ladder or the backstabbing that is needed to make those necessary steps. I’ve learned in my five years being here that it’s better not to do anything that is going to get you noticed unless it benefits you in some way. Lillian is a hard taskmaster, completely in her element and her husband stays away letting her deal with the day to day business. Don’t let her hear me say this, but I think that she’s a scary bitch. If I were to hazard a guess, I would say that her husband wants to be around her as little as possible.” Tina was standing with her back toward Lillian, giving me a bird’s eye view over her shoulder how she was interacting with the rest of the staff.
There were many departments, some that I had no idea what they were about and others that I had to do some research to find out. Marshall was waiting for me to report in. It was agreed that we would not see each other for that whole week in case Lillian was using her vast resources to watch out for any kind of a spy in her mist. It was hard not to touch him and to feel him taking great pleasure from my body. I wanted to howl in that obvious enjoyment. They say that abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. To me, it was more that I was getting hotter by the second and I was going to attack him upon the first sight of his body in a nicely form-fitting suit.
“I look around and I see people that have lost their will to live. I don’t want to be like that. They walk around in a daze, moving like little puppets that she has attached to strings to keep them in line.” I wanted to be accepted and that meant that I was going to have to ingratiate myself into the underlings that she stepped on every day.
She had given me the impression that she was a socialite, but her main interest was making people jump whenever she demanded it. Her assistant, Jeremy Young was an organized young man with close-cropped brown hair and green eyes that made a lot of girls look in his direction without his knowledge. He was oblivious to their interest. He claimed to have a girlfriend, but nobody had seen her, leading people to believe that he swung from the other side of the fence.
Jeremy was a good-looking man, but I don’t think that he really understood the effect that he had on those that were fanning themselves when he walked by their desk. I was a little surprised that there was no office tramp, but I think that Lillian had gotten rid of any bad influence. She wanted the guys to want her and nobody else.
“She has the ability to break your will. She grinds a person down and the only ones that seem to rise above it are in her inner circle. They surround her like her own personal posse. There’s one in particular that I find to have cold water running through her veins. Susan Niles is head of her security and she does nothing but watch everybody like a hawk. There is absolutely nothing anybody can get away with without her finding out about it. This place is locked down better than Fort Knox or any kind of prison that you can think of. We even need an authorized card key to use the bathroom around here.” I had been assigned one of those and I had already used it a couple of times.
“It appears that she never sleeps. She’s already hard at work by the time that I get here at 8:00 AM and she’s still here when I leave at five. I know that you said that her marriage to her husband hasn’t been good. I think that she’s using work to keep herself busy. I think that it would be good for her to get out of the office. A drink away from here would help her to unwind and forget about the day. Has anybody even included her in after work drinks across the street? I’m sure that she’s approachable, but somebody needs to have the guts to invite her. I would, but I’m not exactly someone that she knows. This has to come from somebody that she works with and respects enough to take them up on their offer.” I was laying the groundwork, giving her food for thought and all she needed was the right nudge in the right direction. “You never know, when she loosens up and realizes that somebody was responsible for helping to let her hair down that they might find themselves with a hefty pay raise or a big promotion. It could be that she’s waiting for somebody to stand up and not be one of her minions that say yes to everything that she says.” I could see that Tina was thinking and that little voice inside her head was mine playing a psychological game that could come back and bite me.
At the end of the day, I could see that Tina was gearing up for a conversation with Lillian. I spied her in the bathroom giving herself a pep talk and slapping her face like she was about to go into battle.
I wasn’t wearing a wig and this color had come from a bottle. It was the first time that I had ever changed my natural hair color. I wore very little makeup, feeling naked without it, but finding that it was a necessity to hide in plain sight. I could tell that one person in the building had been keeping a watchful eye on me. Susan had that air of authority that made those around her walk on eggshells.
There were times that I thought that she was going out of her way to confront me, but she never said one word. She just kept looking, staring and most likely hoping that I was going to falter and show some kind of crack in my demeanor.
“I can’t believe that I’m even thinking about doing this. I’m going to take your advice and I’m going to offer to bring her into our little group. I don’t know what her response is going to be. I’m half expecting her to laugh in my face. I’ll try to make a good case for joining us. The best way to do that is to convince her that looking more human will lull these people into a false sense of security. If they are thinking about doing something, then they might feel more inclined. That way Susan can catch them before they escalate. I might even get a promotion. Wouldn’t that be a novel idea after five years of crawling and scraping in the sludge?” She was talking to me like I was her best friend. I wanted her to believe that and I don’t think that she really thought that I was a threat in any way.
I made myself look like a safe haven, a confidant and someone that would listen without judgment or condemnation. I did not have a vested interest and I made it perfectly clear that this was only a stopover before I moved on to greener pastures. I needed her to believe that her job was safe and that I had no designs on taking what was hers.
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??I don’t want you to do it because I convinced you. I want you to do it because it’s the right thing to do. If you really want to play this political game, then you need to be upfront and personal. I don’t think that she believes that anybody will ever stand up to her. She has purposely encouraged an atmosphere of fear and intimidation. Miss Niles is that first and last line of defense. She shows no emotion. It’s almost like she’s this all-knowing entity that keeps everybody from doing something that they are going to regret.” We were sitting in a coffee café across the street a couple of doors down from the small and intimate bar that we congregated to at the end of the day.
“I’ve been thinking about doing this for a long time. I need to make her see me as an equal and not some underling that she can pawn off the work that she doesn’t want to do. I’ve been bending over backward to please her ever since that I got here five years ago. I admire her and I want to be exactly like her. That might not seem like a lofty goal, but the power that she exudes comes off of her in waves.” This was a mid-afternoon break and the best way to get anybody talking was to remain silent.
It was hard for me to do that, especially when my alter ego Gillian was screaming at me to stop playing it fast and loose. I could easily ingratiate myself into all of their lives, but that would only raise red flags in the eyes of Susan. There was no way that I wanted to give her any incentive to look into me any deeper than a casual look at my file.
“It sounds to me like you have made up your mind. The one thing that is missing is the follow through. You can procrastinate, wait for the right time, but you’ll never know when that right time is going to be.” I was making it seem like it was her idea to approach her. I was subtle, not the same in your face salesperson that had guys eating out of the palm of her hand.
Shelly was a woman that didn’t stand too close to anyone. It was almost like she was afraid to live. I wanted to project a sense of defeatism. I could make people believe that this was only a stopover, but my attitude would confirm to Lillian and Susan that I was never going to give up something that was keeping food in my stomach and a roof over my head.
This was my classroom. This was a place where I was learning the ropes and finding how everything worked around here. It was easy to see that nobody wanted to shake the tree. I had to get somebody else to do my dirty work. I needed to get her out of the office, crack her computer and see if there was any incriminating evidence that we could use against her. It wasn’t necessarily for bringing her to justice. It was more of a way to exact her cooperation in leaving us alone.
I followed Tina back to the office and with each step, there was more conviction. I helped that along by whispering words of encouragement. I told her that she was strong enough to do this on her own. I told her that she had been here long enough. That they had worked closely together so that she was deserving of respect.
With a sense of purpose, she walked into her office after waiting for her to get off of a conference call with Japan. I could see on one of the monitors that her husband felt that he had been castrated. He had the look of somebody that was under the gun and being made to play a certain role in her empire. I could tell that he didn’t want to face the truth of his demotion to the other side of the world. I was positive that she did not reveal to him the dalliance with Marshall underneath his nose. This was her way to avoid the ugliness of divorce.
I was basically a temp, assigned whatever duties that were left over at the end of the day and expected to have it done before the deadline. I walked very slowly by Lillian’s office door. I was lingering with a cup of coffee up against my mouth. I didn’t have to worry about Susan because she was in the office standing in the corner with her arms crossed defiantly like she was judge, jury, and executioner.
“I’m surprised by this invitation. You’ve never shown any interest in having me join your little group before. I have to wonder what has changed to make you want to proffer this olive branch. Tell me, Tina, do you have any ulterior motives for bringing the wolf into the henhouse. You do know that your friends are going to feel awkward. Is that really the impression that you want to give them about yourself? Sucking up to me is one thing, but kissing my ass is something different. I like you and I think that you have a real future here underneath me.” I was sure that Lillian was using this as a way to bring Tina into the stable of lovers that she already had on the side.
Marshall had learned by tapping her phone illegally that her text messages were quite explicit. She had different men and even women in ports of interest. I had read each and every one of those text messages to get a better understanding of the girl. She was trying to hide from those that she considered underneath her. It made me feel like the temperature in the room had risen a few degrees. They were vivid, quite obscene and I had no idea how she could kiss her husband with that dirty mouth.
“I don’t care what other people think about you. With your husband, always away on business, it seems lonely to me to be walking around that big house of yours all alone.” It seemed that Tina had no idea about her after-hours activities with those of whatever sex that she deemed appropriate to bring into her bedroom.
“I sometimes feel that way, but I’ve never had any interest in bending elbows with my people. I’ll have to give this some thought.” I could tell that she was visibly impressed by the moxie that it took for Tina to approach her with this lame ass idea. “You might be the only one in the office that has ever made such an offer. I’m not sure that is a good thing or bad thing. I could treat this as a social experiment. I do like the idea of making them shift nervously in their seat. They think that they are safe from me when they leave the office, but this will prove that I have no problem in interfering in their fun. I’m only going to do that because you invited me. I’m going to make that quite known by the end of the night. That’s going to sully your reputation and make you feel like a leper among those people that you considered your equals. If you can live with that, then I will consider you for a certain promotion that has been just out of your greedy grasp.” She sat behind that desk like she was a god. If that were true, then Susan was her faithful messenger willing to do whatever it took to keep her safe.
It had made it easier for me to get into her office without her being there. The only thing that was missing was access. It was a good thing that we were on the second floor. I was going to have to scale the building in the dark using night vision goggles that Marshall had procured for me. I wasn’t much for heights, but it was the only way. The only place that wasn’t monitored was her office. There was a sentry that went around the building at certain intervals during the evening. I’d already staked out the place and found that the guards were predictable. It was like clockwork, but anything was possible to change that routine. In the week that I had been there, it was pretty much the same thing every time and I could set my watch to how they put their schedules together.