She gave a slight nod.
Maybe we were making progress.
She lowered her arms, and in one of her hands was a plastic rod. She placed it on my knee then pulled away.
It took me a second to figure out what it was. I’d never seen one in the flesh. I raised it toward my face, seeing the word written in blue.
Pregnant.
It took me another few seconds to absorb what I’d just read.
Pregnant.
Muse was pregnant.
There was a baby growing inside her at this very minute.
I leaned forward and held the pregnancy test in both hands, staring at the blue letters with even more attention. I needed more time to process this, to understand that my world had changed in an instant.
She’d only been with me for two weeks, but I knew I was the father. I didn’t need to ask if she’d lied about Nox because she wouldn’t do that to me. Muse was always honest with me.
I was going to be a father.
I was going to have a son or a daughter.
A little Barsetti.
Jesus Christ. It hit me then. My world had completely changed, had flipped upside down. In a few months, I would be responsible for another person. I would worry about them just the way my parents worried about me. Until the day I died, this child would be the biggest thing inside my heart.
I nearly forgot Muse was still sitting beside me, watching every single reaction.
“I don’t know how it happened,” she whispered. “You gave me that shot when I first got here, and I know it lasts twelve months. I didn’t mean for this to happen, and I want you to know that you’re the father. I was never with—”
“Shh…” I set the pregnancy stick on the table and grabbed her hand. I pivoted my body toward her and looked at the terror in her eyes. She was on the verge of tears, afraid of how I would react. When she first told me she loved me, I threw her out of the house and told her to leave.
I didn’t blame her for being so worried.
It was my fault.
I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed all of her knuckles. “Muse, it’s alright.”
“You aren’t mad?” she whispered.
“Mad? No, not at all. And I know I’m the father. There was never a doubt about that.”
“I just…I know you said you weren’t ready for marriage and kids. I don’t want you to think I did this on purpose, that I’m trying to trap you.”
“I don’t think that at all, Muse.” My hand moved into her hair, and I cupped her cheek. I tried to erase the fear in her eyes by enveloping her in my confidence. “No, I’m not ready for marriage and kids. I wanted more time for it to be just us. But it was going to happen anyway. I was never going to let you go, so if you ever demanded I put a ring on your finger, I would do it…because I can’t live without you. This baby doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t make me love you less. It makes me love you more.” I pressed my forehead to hers. “I want you to relax now. I promise I’ll always take care of both of you. I will be the best father I can be, and I will be the best husband I can be.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me, Con. Just because—”
“I do want to marry you.” I tilted her head, forcing her to look up at me. “I want us to be a family. I want both of you to have my last name. I’m never going to feel this way about another woman as long as I live.”
She finally smiled, the fear slowly dissipating from her eyes.
“It’s sooner than I wanted, yes. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want it.” My hands moved to her flat stomach. There was no sign of life, not even a small bump. But just knowing a piece of her and me was deep inside was enough for me.
“Con…there’s always the possibility that the baby won’t make it to full term. So maybe we should wait…”
The sentence offended me, deeply. I’d barely accepted the fact that I was going to be a father, and now I was already attached to the idea of us being a family. I was already scared of losing the life growing inside her. “Don’t talk like that.” My hands rested against her belly, protecting her from everything. “I want to spend my life with you no matter what—because I love you.”
After a long session of lovemaking, Muse passed out under the sheets. The long nights of stress had caught up with her, and now that she knew everything would be alright, she finally got some rest.
I went into my office. It was nine in the evening, and I’d skipped dinner. Dante seemed to understand we didn’t want to be bothered that evening. I opened a brand-new bottle of scotch, poured a glass, and thought about everything that had happened in the past few hours.