I was nervous.
I was never nervous before a date, regardless of how handsome the man was. I wasn’t easily intimidated, and I had the confidence that I could handle anyone.
But Bones was on my mind.
I felt guilty for what I was doing. I felt like I was betraying him, betraying the promise of fidelity we’d made to each other. He was the only man I wanted to sleep with. When I pressed my hand between my legs, I always imagined that he was there with me.
That he was the man between my legs.
I wouldn’t even have considered going on a date until my mom dropped this in my lap. I was eager to move on from Bones so the pain would end, and since I couldn’t go back to him, this was the only way forward.
I wished I’d never let my relationship with Bones get this bad.
There was literally no one worse I could have fallen for.
How did I let this happen? I was smarter than this.
I had to keep moving forward. Maybe Matteo would be everything I wanted in a spouse, and we would fall in love and have the kind of marriage I wanted. My father would love him, and my mother would embrace him as a son. We could live happily ever after…the future I always imagined. And maybe he would be enough to make me forget about Bones.
I drove to the restaurant and sat in my car for a little bit, trying to calm the nerves that had fired up. My chest ached with all the breaths I took, and my adrenaline was at its peak. The guilt was crushing me, making me feel squashed under its weight.
I finally got out of my car and walked to the restaurant. It was an Italian place, not super fancy like the restaurant I went to with Bones, but that was a relief. I didn’t need even more pressure for this evening.
I stepped through the doors and looked at the sea of tables. It didn’t take me long to find him. He was sitting alone at a table, wearing a black V-neck with a black blazer on top. He had tanned skin from spending time outdoors, and his black hair was short, similar to the way my father wore his. His brown eyes stared across the room, looking at nothing in particular. He wasn’t on his phone the way most people would be, which was refreshing. He had a strong jaw the way the Barsetti line had, but it wasn’t as chiseled as Bones’s. Matteo had a nice physique and obviously spent time being active outdoors because he looked fit, but he was definitely on the leaner side, not built like a brick house the way Bones was.
I had to stop comparing them. Otherwise, I would never get through this date.
I crossed the room and approached his table. “Matteo?”
He looked up, and his eyes lightened noticeably. He rose out of his chair, a handsome smile on his face. “Yes. Vanessa.” He started to lean in to kiss me on the cheek.
Just that affection alone felt like a betrayal, so I quickly stuck out my hand and shook his, even though it wasn’t customary in our culture at all.
He didn’t show a hint of disappointment as he shook my hand. “Thanks for joining me.” He moved to the other side of the table and pulled out the chair for me.
I smiled then sat down, feeling my heart pound in my chest. Bones never did that sort of thing, but that was because I didn’t need him to. I could sit in my own damn chair without someone to help me.
Matteo returned to his chair and sat down.
The bar was behind him, where a row of men and their dates sat as they enjoyed wine and appetizers while they waited for their tables to be ready.
It was immediately awkward. That comfortable silence I shared with Bones wasn’t present, nor was that hot intensity. It was just…quiet. I couldn’t still my beating heart. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this nervous. I felt like a woman who’d just gotten divorced and now I was putting myself out there again. My relationship with Bones had been short, only three months, so it never felt like a marriage.
But it felt like I’d lost someone important.
Matteo didn’t seem bothered by the silence, possessing the kind of confidence my mother hinted at. “I’ve never been set up on a date before. My mom has tried in the past because she’s anxious for me to start a family, but it’s never been my thing. But when your mother told me about you…I couldn’t say no.”
My heart beat a little faster, but my cheeks didn’t flush with color. “That’s sweet…”
“And you’re just as beautiful in person.” He grabbed the bottle of wine on the table. “May I pour you a glass? It’s from the Barsetti Vineyards, so I think you’ll like it.”