Divine in Lingerie (Lingerie 9)

His eyes softened. “Alright.”

We still hadn’t discussed when he would be leaving. We hadn’t discussed anything. Would I stay at the house when he left? Would he return to Milan or Lake Garda? If I wanted to stay in Tuscany, I would have to stay with my parents, but that was the last place I would go. I didn’t hate them for the decision they made, but I certainly didn’t want to look at them right now.

“I want to stay as long as I can…but I know that’s not good for either of us.”

The longer he stayed, the more I dreaded the moment he would leave. Anticipating that terrible moment made me hurt all over. Just thinking about it stopped me from breathing. I would watch the love of my life walk out that door, and I wouldn’t stop him. I was saying goodbye to the greatest love I’d ever known.

“So, I’m going to leave tomorrow.” Bones was handling this situation much better than I was. While I spent my time crying, he kept his stoic expression. He wasn’t angry or sad, almost indifferent. He’d never been an emotional man, but he’d always been passionate. That intensity disappeared the moment he left my father’s company. It was the first time he’d seemed so defeated.

“No.” My palm went to his chest, resting right over his heart. “No, that’s too soon. I’m not ready.”

“You’ll never be ready, baby.”

“No.” My voice came out firmer, sterner than I’d ever been before. My breathing was haywire, and I could barely keep myself calm. Regardless of when he left, I wouldn’t be ready for it. But I certainly wasn’t ready for him to leave that soon. “Just no, alright?” I pressed my face into his chest so I could find comfort in his warmth and strength. I didn’t want him to look at me, to see how weak I’d become. A part of me regretted loving him in the first place. My instincts had told me it would end this way, but I’d made the mistake of falling madly in love with him anyway.

“Alright.” He brushed his lips against my forehead. “Then the day after.”

My eyes were closed, and I inhaled his scent. “How can you be in such a hurry to say goodbye to me?”

“That’s not how it is, and you know it.”

“Seems like it.”

“The longer we stretch this out, the more painful it’s going to be.”

“Doesn’t seem like you’re in pain at all…” It must have been the anger over the situation talking, but now I was spitting out anything that came to mind. I was furious and frustrated that this was happening, that we’d come so far only to fail.

“You know I am.”

“Then why am I the only one who’s a mess?”

He ran his hand down my hair and along my spine. “Just because I’m not a mess on the outside doesn’t mean I’m not a mess on the inside.”

When I woke up the next morning, he was gone.

He was nowhere in the house, and there wasn’t a note.

I immediately panicked, thinking he’d left without saying goodbye even though I asked him not to.

But then I remembered he wouldn’t lie to me, especially not now. I didn’t have a clue where he was or why he’d slipped out so early in the morning, but in my heart, I knew he would come back.

I skipped breakfast because I wasn’t hungry, and I sat at the kitchen table with a bottle of his scotch. Instead of having coffee, I decided to hit the booze. I drank from the short glass as I stared at the large bottle filled with amber liquid.

I was so heavy with sadness I didn’t know how to process it. It was so painful that it didn’t seem real. I couldn’t believe Bones would leave tomorrow morning.

And I would have to move on.

He would go back to his lifestyle, killing for cash and screwing prostitutes. He would close up again, turning his back on the world in favor of solitude. My painting would hang in one of his rooms so he would never forget my face. The years would pass and he would slowly forget about me, but he would never forget I was the only woman he’d ever loved.

I would lick my wounds for a long time, cry over the man I couldn’t have. But one day, I would stop dragging my feet on the floor and put myself out there again. Maybe I would meet a man I liked, but I didn’t believe I would meet one I loved. My family would be happy about the new man in my life, but in my heart, I would always want the man I couldn’t have. Despite how much I loved my father, I would always resent him for taking Bones away.

I drank the scotch and sat in the silence of the small villa. When Bones left tomorrow, I would probably stay here until I decided what to do. The only other place I could call home was my apartment in Milan. That place was heavy with memories of Bones, so I couldn’t stay there. With the money I’d made from my paintings, I should be able to get a new place. But did I want to stay in Milan? My plan had been to return to Tuscany and live in Florence, but now that I was angry with my father, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be so close to them right now.