“So is that a no…?”
I hang up and toss my phone onto the desk in disgust. An urgency storms through me. I must go find Anya and tell her she is important. That she is the most precious thing in the whole world and I will cherish her until my dying breath. She needs to know.
But when I leave my office, I immediately sense something is wrong. The usual buzz of Anya’s energy is missing from the air. As are my car keys from the peg near the door.
When I stride to the front window and see my car is missing, my heart leaps from my chest. No. NO.
“Anya!”
That’s when I see the note folded on the living room coffee table. Like a desperate, dying man, I grab it and read.
Don’t freak out.
I’m only at orientation, where I’m supposed to be.
This is the only way to make you understand how important school is to me. That I will go at all costs — even turning you into an ogre. You can’t control every move I make, Sasha.
I will return to you tonight.
I will return to you every night, because I love you.
Nothing bad is going to happen.
Your Anya
Stumbling back, I read the note again. You can’t control every move I make.
I did this?
Yes. Loving her, giving her a beautiful life was my aim, but I drove her away instead. I didn’t learn how to compromise fast enough. How many times did she stare out the window as a growing girl and sigh, asking me what the other girls her age were doing? Countless times. She has been a prisoner her whole life, now I’ve done it to her again.
Turning my head, I stare out the window at the world beyond, going through a horrifying checklist of everything that could happen to my wife without me to protect her. By virtue of being kept sheltered so long, Anya has no idea what monsters lurk around every corner. But I do. I know too fucking well. And I can no more sit here waiting for her to come home like a patient husband than I could stop breathing.
Chapter Ten
Anya
I can barely catch my breath I’m so excited.
I’ve never seen this many faces, heard this many voices, all in one place. The college dean has just concluded her speech at the front of the room. There are packets in my hand. Who knew I could get so jazzed about packets? They contain vital information I’ll need for my first day of classes. A campus map, dining hall protocol, freshman FAQs.
My heart speeds into a dizzying rhythm in anticipation of reading through it all.
But it slows back down to a dull thud when I think of Sasha at home. He must be going out of his mind. Was I too impulsive? In a matter of one day, he’s shown so much progress in learning to meet me halfway, maybe I should have trusted him to be reasonable. At the very least, I could have persuaded him to come with me to orientation so he could see how non – menacing an auditorium full of nervous freshman is in reality.
If I had a cell phone like a normal person, I would call him now. Let him know I’m okay and heading home. On the drive to school, I only took four wrong turns. Not bad for my first time using GPS, right?
Maybe I’ll leave that part out.
“Hey.”
I turn to find a group of fellow freshman approaching, some male, some female. They’re all smiling. At me. “Uh…” I adjust my load of glorious packets. “Hi.”
“I’m Carter,” says one of the boys. “And you are?”
I try to pretend I don’t notice him staring at my breasts, but it becomes increasingly difficult when he keeps staring. All of the boys are staring, I slowly realize. The girls don’t seem to like it, either, sending each other knowing glances. Or maybe I’m totally imagining all of this, because I have zero experience around people my own age. Weren’t they smiling seconds ago? “Anya,” I say finally. “Nice to meet you.”
“Beautiful name, beautiful girl,” Carter murmurs. “Are you going to the party?”
“I — there’s a party?” Subtly as possible, I block their view of my breasts with the stack of packets. Is it okay for him to call me beautiful? Sasha wouldn’t think so. “I didn’t know about any party, but I can’t come this time. My husband is waiting for me.”
Their jaws drop. “Husband?” asks a girl to my right. “How long have you been married?”
“About a day,” I respond honestly, wishing I was back at home with Sasha. Their open scrutiny is making my face bright red. I can feel it. “So, I guess I’ll see you around — ”
“Just come for a little while,” Carter says, taking a step closer to me. “My brother is a junior here. The party is at his frat house.” He shrugs. “You can leave any time.”