Not to stop him.
I want this. Need this.
But I also want it to end. I want the pain to stop and the pleasure to begin like in the books. I want to be able to move my hips to meet his like I know what I’m doing. I want to feel confident and sexy and to know he can’t get enough of me.
That’s not how it is though.
It hurts. I’m used to pain, but this is so different than the everyday kind. My hips ache and my pelvis hurts, and I think I may be choking Kaiden with my death grip on his neck like I’d squeeze my pillow when my hips or knees or body hurt from a flare.
“Need me to stop?” His voice is heavy, lust ridden. He doesn’t want to but he’s offering, and I don’t want to disappoint him or to shorten this moment when it should be perfect.
“N-No.”
“Emery—”
“Please keep going,” I plead, kissing him the way he kissed me. Wanting. Needing. Yearning. “I want you to get off. I want to feel you do it inside me.”
I don’t know where those words came from, but I mean them. Every one of them.
“Shit.” The words must be the right thing to say, because he picks up the pace and enters me faster, harder. I bite my lip so hard I think it may start bleeding, but I do start feeling a new sensation enter the pit of my stomach when he changes position so he’s moving in me differently and grinding down on my pelvic bone.
I gasp as he puts pressure on my clit again, teasing it and rubbing it as he bucks into me over and over.
He cusses, moans, makes noises I didn’t know were possible. The way he kisses me becomes frantic and desperate and I feel every emotion he normally bottles up pour into me. My chest swells as he whispers my name, his sweaty hair diving into the crook of my neck until his hips drive into me in a jerky pace.
The headboard starts to hit the wall with loud thuds, so he curses and grabs ahold of it with one hand while he grabs my hip with the other to keep me from sliding up as he thrusts into me.
Any control he had when he started is long gone, because now he’s ravenous—chasing a high that he’s so close to getting. The way his body begins moving deeper and harder until he slams into me one last time and moans my name into my neck has me gasping and digging my fingertips into his back. I keep my hold on his body as he empties himself, his heartbeat racing against my chest as he comes down.
The room fills with our breathing and no longer smells of just trees and cinnamon. It smells like us. Of what we’ve just done.
Kaiden carefully pulls out, making me wince, before dropping to the side of me. His hand finds mine on the sheets and he wraps his fingers around me as we catch our breaths.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly.
I swallow. “Yeah.”
He sits up and studies me, seeing my damp cheeks from the glow of the streetlights coming in my window. His jaw ticks. “You should have told me to stop—”
“I didn’t want you to, Kaiden.”
We stare at each other for a moment longer before he gets out of bed. “I’m going to grab a washcloth to clean you up. Stay there.”
I take a deep breath and listen to the toilet flush and then the sink turn on. My heart is making weird sounds, racing but not, excited or anxious probably. I just had sex for the first time, it seems normal to react differently.
I move my legs and flinch over how sore they are from staying open. Sitting up, I inspect my slightly bloodied thighs, but besides a few droplets of on the gray sheets, there’s nothing else.
Kaiden walks in, noticing me looking at the aftermath.
“I thought it’d be worse,” I admit, heat creeping up the back of my neck. “You know, the blood and stuff.”
He has two washcloths. Using the first one to clean off my stomach from the first time he came, he sets it off to the side and grabs the other to carefully wipe my thighs off before dabbing between my legs.
I suck in a breath at how tender I am, which he apologizes for. “I’ve never done this before,” he admits, not meeting my eyes.
“Done what?”
Once he’s done washing me off, he uses a towel to dry me. “Taken someone’s virginity and cleaned them up after it’s all done.”