His smile vanished and impatience set into his brow.
‘No. I’ve told you, that was all top secret. Nobody knew about it. Well, until your charming boyfriend decided to steal my property.’
‘He was never my boyfriend.’ I regretted mentioning it now.
‘Your whatever, then, your friend with benefits. Your fuckbuddy.’
‘Shh.’ I looked around the room again.
‘He’ll always know about it now. The cat’s out of the bag. He says he won’t tell, but guys like that like the leverage, don’t they? I’d count on us hearing from him again sometime.’
‘Oh, don’t. He won’t say anything. Besides, who would believe him?’
Jasper chewed on his lip.
‘If this film comes out … perhaps plenty of people.’
‘You definitely want to make it?’
‘I definitely do.’
I poured myself some more water.
‘I still don’t think Will will talk. He doesn’t have the tape any more anyway.’
‘Don’t talk about him. I hate to hear you say his name. It makes me picture you together.’
‘You aren’t jealous, are you?’ I couldn’t fathom why on earth he would be jealous of Will. I was the one who should be insecure in this relationship. I was the nobody. He was the one who’d been to star-studded awards ceremonies with glamazons on his arm, not me. It didn’t make sense.
‘Obviously I’m jealous. I’m jealous of everyone who spent time with you when I didn’t know you existed. I resent every day I had to spend not knowing about you.’
‘Oh, Jasper.’ What could I say to that?
‘I’ve wasted years,’ he said. ‘I’ve wasted years on guilt and furtive goings-on and meaningless relationships, when what I want is this.’
‘This?’
He pointed his fork at me.
‘Sitting in a restaurant with a girl I’ve just fucked and want to fuck again immediately and repeatedly.’
‘Oh.’ That lost-for-words thing again.
‘A girl I can … God, sorry for coming over all Mills and Boon but … a girl I can share things with. Talk to. Feel myself with. As well as do terrible and wicked things to. Does that make any sense?’
The starters arrived and Jasper looked as caught out and distracted as I’d ever seen him. I felt a swell of love for him at that moment, a big sweeping wave, but I didn’t like being knocked over and I tried not to drown in it.
‘You said you wanted a girl,’ I said, prodding my duck egg.
‘Oh, yes, sorry, a woman, I’m a sexist pig,’ he said, irritable, stabbing at the veal tongue.
‘Because nobody could call you a boy,’ I said. ‘You’re thirty-eight. You’ve had quite a lot longer than me to figure out what you want.’
‘You’re telling me to back off. Fine.’
‘I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying, let’s enjoy this. We had that freakishly intense summer together but now we’re in the real world and it’s different and we have to get used to it.’
‘The spell is broken,’ he muttered. ‘I’m not the prince. I’m the frog.’