Musical Beds (Food Of Love 2) - Page 89
“Oh, that.”
“Yes, ’Oh, that’,” he said with some asperity. He sat down beside her on the grass, clasping his hands around his knees. “What aren’t you telling me, Lydia?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You are upset with me because of what I did with Sarah at the club. That’s understandable.”
“Thanks for that. Good to know you understand.” But Lydia’s tone was bitter.
“Look, in BDSM this happens. I should have asked you if you were okay with it. It was wrong of me to just go ahead. I thought you were in that headspace, but you weren’t. And, I’ll admit, the way you reacted to seeing Sarah made me want to…make you jealous. I’m sorry. Very sorry. I promise it won’t happen again without your consent.”
“Dead right it won’t.” Lydia heaved a sigh.
“You’re saying it’s over? Lydia, please. Please give me another chance. I haven’t been this happy in years.”
“Haven’t you?” Lydia looked closely at him. He kept things so tightly under wraps, she never knew when he was happy and when he wasn’t. “Really?”
“Really. I won’t emotionally blackmail you. I won’t say I need you or any of that. But it would make me so happy if you would let me prove myself to you. I can be the best man for you, I know it. I’ll show you.”
God, he sounded exactly like Milan, just minutes earlier.
Oh, Milan.
She still loved him. Von Ritter’s words flew over her head, skimmed around her heart, because it was Milan she still wanted, always, forever.
“I don’t think I love you,” she said.
“But you could. Give me the chance to show you.”
“Perhaps I need some time alone.”
“Fine. Take a holiday. We’re due a break anyway. But, when you come back, you come back to me.”
Lydia stood up.
“Yeah. Maybe,” she said. “Shall we go back?”
She allowed von Ritter to take her arm as they walked slowly back towards the concert hall.
“You weren’t fighting about me, were you? You were fighting about Milan,” said von Ritter levelly. “Do you still love him?”
Lydia couldn’t answer straight away.
“I’ll always love him,” she said. “Always. But loving someone and being able to live with them…”
“Two different things. I see.”
Von Ritter was silent for the remainder of the walk.
As they walked through the doors, en route for the Green Room party, von Ritter said, “One day you’ll stop loving him. One day you’ll love me.”
Lydia looked around for some means of escape. She needed to be alone for a moment, to breathe.
“I need to go the ladies’,” she excused herself. “I’ll see you at the party.”
In front of the bathroom mirror, she stared at herself, at her pale face and her glassy eyes. What on earth was happening in her life? The idea of getting away from it all was a good one, the best suggestion she’d heard so far. It seemed that, whatever decision her head made, her heart reversed it for her.
“Never,” she said to her reflection solemnly, “ever, ever let a man treat you like shit again, Lydia. Just say no. It’s not worth it.”
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