“Really?” Dayna asked.
“Let me see your hand, sweetie,” Cam asked, inspecting to make sure the thorns hadn’t hurt her earlier. She was fine, with just a little white scratch. “Next time, just please ask before taking flowers from someone’s garden. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know Luke’s got a million cool plants in there,” he said.
“They’re awesome,” she said.
“You can relax in here and read if you want,” I said. “That book can be a little scary sometimes, but it’s a page-turner.”
“There’s a cat on the first page,” she said.
I chuckled. “There is, that’s true.”
“You’re okay, Dayn,” Cam said, squeezing her shoulder. “We’ll hang out here for a little bit longer.”
Cam and I walked back to the deck, sitting down at the picnic table as the twins stayed in the opposite corner of the yard, taking turns climbing the lower branches of the tree.
“I’m sorry about the rose,” Cam said, shooting me a sympathetic glance.
“Give me a break,” I said. “You don’t have to apologize for a damned thing. I love that Dayna was interested enough to want one at all.”
“She loved it,” Cam said. “I know she’ll cherish the ones you gave her. Thank you.”
For a few moments we were silent, the early afternoon sun coming through the leaves of the trees, the sound of birds and kids filling the air.
A strange feeling of satisfaction moved through me. I’d never experienced anything like it back here. For so long this had been my sanctuary, and mine alone. I’d never had more than Lizzy back here with me.
The feeling of having a family back here made me a little dizzy.
When Cam had suggested his kids come see the yard, I was nervous about it being too much for me. But I’d never stopped to think about how it might actually feel nice having everybody here.
Nice enough that my mind wandered places it shouldn’t. Wondering what it might be like to have a family like this for real. If someday, maybe, this backyard wouldn’t just be my own little walled-off, isolated place.
So much for not feeling attached to ideas.
“I kind of love this,” I said.
“What, having a bunch of kids in your backyard, stomping all over the trees and stealing the flowers?”
“Very funny,” I said.
“I didn’t think I’d get to see this,” he finally said. “But I’m glad for it.”
“Your kids are amazing, Cam,” I said. “And you’re a good dad.”
“I don’t know about that,” he said. “I feel like it’s always one step forward, two steps back.”
I shook my head. “Sometimes I’m so envious of what you have. A real family. Three curious, smart kids. All I’ve got are a bunch of plants.”
“Well, right now, you’ve got me,” he said. “And three little hellions running around in your yard.”
“They seem like they’re doing okay, too.”
He nodded once. “I think they’re coping. It’s going to be hard when I really do start dating.”
I felt strangely sick hearing him talk about it.
“Don’t have to worry about that anytime soon,” I said.
“I know. But it worries me.”
I didn’t want to think about it. The idea of Cam being with someone else felt slightly crushing. I was being selfish, in ways I wasn’t used to.
I didn’t like this side of me. Possessive and unfair.
He looked up at me, his freckles on display in the sun. “You’ve been amazing today, Luke.”
The way the light caught Cam’s eyes was ruining me. All of a sudden I felt like I might explode, right here in my happy, peaceful backyard that was supposed to be a sanctuary.
“Come inside with me real quick,” I said, standing and striding into the house. Cam followed, and I walked through the kitchen into the living room. He was a few paces behind me, and I spun and grabbed his hips the moment he was there.
I pushed him up against the living room wall, kissing him hard. He opened to me, his tongue sliding against mine, his arms wrapping around my shoulders. I kissed him as if he really was mine.
And then I pulled off, taking a breath, putting space between us again and smoothing out my shirt.
“I had to,” I said.
I saw Cam glancing toward the back door, checking to make sure no one was walking in.
“I wanted to kiss you, too,” he said. “But not right now.”
He licked his lips. I wanted to do so much more. I wanted to pick him up and bring him back to my bed right now. I’d been wanting it every day. And the moment he’d started talking about dating other people, it was like my brain had gone into overdrive.
I wanted him way too fucking much.
His eyes met mine. He stood up straighter and pushed past me. He palmed his cock, clearly willing it to stop getting hard.
“We just can’t.”
I knew he was right. Of course he was. The timing right now was horrible, but desire was burning deep inside of me, and I hadn’t been able to stop myself.