Messy Love (Stumbling into Love 3)

I took a sip and set it aside. When Jonathan sat down beside me, I leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his scruffy cheek. “Thank you,” I said softly…too softly, like I was insecure. I didn’t do insecure, and now I was reminded why. I wasn’t a fan of this feeling.

Jonathan cleared his throat. “You’re welcome.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Jonathan

A few minutes into the movie, Danny lay down. I continued to sit up with my legs stretched out in front of me, arms turned behind me, with my palms on the blanket so I could lean. A little while later, he said, “Remind me to bring a pillow next time.”

“You can use my lap if you want.” It was maybe something I wanted too, well, without the maybe.

“My hero,” he replied teasingly, but then turned and did as I’d said he could. His cheek rested against my thigh, and I kept finding myself watching him instead of the movie. It was so unfamiliar to me, sitting in a park with a guy’s head on me—with anyone, actually. Not just with a man, because I’d never gotten incredibly close to women either. People all around us were doing the same thing. No one paid any attention to me. No one knew the thrill of excitement that raced through me at this simple act. No one knew that my fingers trembled slightly with the urge to card through his hair, which was now longer than it had been the first time we met.

I tried to imagine if I would have felt this way with another guy. If I would have wanted to touch him and feel his skin against my palm and the soft strands of his hair in my fingers, and as fucked as it was, I didn’t think so. There was just something about Danny… The way he made me smile. The way he made me want to step out of the box I’d kept myself in my entire life. The way he made me want to open up and do nice things for him like hunt down Mountain Dew.

A slight breeze blew, which I took for a sign because it was summer in Atlanta and the air was mostly just stifling. I followed my instinct, brushing my thumb against his scalp, then twisting a lock of hair around my fingers.

I swear it sounded like he purred, which, oh, hello, my dick was definitely interested in.

“I love my cuddles and my hair being played with.”

“I do too,” I replied, which was nuts. I’d never done this, but I loved it in that moment.

Danny grinned up at me, all white-toothed smile that made me do the same. “Scratch my scalp too.”

“Who’s the bossy one?”

“You are, of course.”

“Liar.” I sat up straighter, crossed my ankles, and did as he said, as I wanted to, burying my fingers through his hair, rubbing his head and playing with the silky black strands that fell through my fingers.

We stayed like that, in a park, watching two men kissing on a big screen, while he used me as a pillow. It was one of the best things that had ever happened to me, which made me feel vulnerable as fuck.

Eventually, my legs were falling asleep, so I had to adjust. “Sorry. Your big head is heavy on my thigh.”

“Oh, fuck you,” he replied with a chuckle. I adjusted myself, sitting cross-legged. Danny put his head in my lap again, closer to my cock this time, which was half-hard. My left hand went back to his hair. He was on the right side of me, and I wasn’t sure what to do with that hand, so I set it on his chest.

Our eyes caught, Danny looking up at me and me down at him. There was a question in his gaze, like he was judging my reaction as he rested his hand on top of mine, his fingers tickling against the outside as his thumb slid under, along my palm. “This okay?”

This was fucking perfect. I didn’t say that. I cleared my throat. “Yeah.”

We finished the rest of the movie like that—gentle touches, skin-on-skin and hand in hair, like we were on a date or I had a boyfriend, neither of which was true. I wanted Danny, there was no question about that, but I also needed his friendship. The thought of losing it made me feel empty inside, like I had before I’d come out.

Not gonna lie, I was silently hoping this would be the longest movie in history, but of course it wasn’t, and in due course the guys on-screen got their happily ever after. It filled me up, made my chest tight in a way I never would have expected.

“Did you like it?” Danny asked, neither of us moving.

“Yeah, it, um…made me feel hope. Does that sound stupid? Fuck, I hate it when you make me say dumb shit.”