Messy Love (Stumbling into Love 3)

I leaned down, pressed my lips to his, slipped my tongue in his mouth and devoured him. Fuck, I loved kissing Danny. He made me feel alive. He made me feel free. I felt like me when I was with him. Why was I holding back? Why couldn’t I soak it all up? “What if I…want to?” I asked.

“Want to what?”

“Be like this…with you there…” As soon as I said it, I realized it really was what I craved.

“Oh.”

I frowned. I hadn’t considered it might not be something Danny would feel comfortable with. “If you’d rather I didn’t…”

“No, that’s not it. This isn’t only new for you. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t dated guys or been with someone around my friends, but…I kinda like you…I don’t understand it. The whole thing is weird.”

I laughed because how could I not? “I kinda like you too. I don’t understand it either.”

“You know they’re gonna give us shit, right? And they’re going to put their own labels on this.”

Yeah, yeah they would. “What are your thoughts?”

“I don’t give a shit. We already said we’re dating.”

“I don’t give a shit either.” We were talking about being around my brother…my community. These were people who would have my back and who had all been through what I had. If I couldn’t feel comfortable with them, where could I?

“Then come on.” Danny held his hand out for me, and I took it.

We were able to walk to Shaw and Elijah’s building. I had never been there before. Danny led the way, chatting about random things like he so often did.

When we were in the elevator, he said, “They’re gonna call us boyfriends.”

“Are we boyfriends?”

“Do you wanna be boyfriends?”

“I don’t know. Do you?”

Then we both laughed, because, well, we were ridiculous.

“What did we say the other night?” Danny asked. “Holy fuck. Was that only like a week ago?”

“It was.” It seemed longer, and it comforted me that Danny felt the same. “We said we were us.”

“Then that’s what we’ll say tonight.”

I liked that. Us.

The elevator opened, and Danny put a hand on the small of my back when I walked out. The simple touch made me feel…cherished, as dumb as that was. Hell, I was turning into some doe-eyed poet.

Danny knocked. Elijah opened the door, and even though we weren’t touching anymore, he eyed us both. “Something’s different.”

“Nope. Still cooler than you.” Danny kissed his cheek, and I tried to pretend I wasn’t jealous. I shouldn’t be, and I knew that, but I’d never had the type of relationship Danny and Elijah had.

“Hey, bro. What’s up?” Will asked. Jameson was sitting on a stool at the bar, and Will stood between his legs, his back against Jameson’s chest with Jameson’s legs and arms wrapped around him.

“Hey,” I replied. Yep, it was official. This was strange. Or maybe it was just me.

“Hi, Jonathan, Danny,” Jameson said just as Shaw came down the hallway.

He smiled at me, then Danny. “Something’s different,” were the first words out of his mouth, which made everyone, even me, crack up laughing. Definitely no getting anything by them.

“We eloped. How’d you guys know?” Danny said when everyone calmed down.

“Holy shit. You weren’t supposed to tell them,” I found myself adding. It wasn’t a real me kind of joke, but then, when in my past had I really let myself be me? Had I even known who that was? Sometimes I still wasn’t sure.

“I couldn’t help it. Elijah was looking at me all confused, and my finger feels naked without the ring. We already hid our betrothal; why must we hide this too? I want everyone to know that I’m now Ms. Jonathan Carson, the Duchess of Midtown.”

“Have you been invading my e-reader?” Elijah asked.

“It was a quick engagement. We couldn’t let anyone discover you’d been ruined,” I played along.

“Am I the only one freaking the fuck out here? Who are you, and what did you do with my brother?” Will asked, moving away from Jameson.

I shrugged. I didn’t know how to answer that. Hell, I was pretty much on the same page as he was. I couldn’t say what had happened to me either. Who I even was, but I knew this man felt more real than the old Jonathan did.

“He’s Jonathan,” Danny answered, and…it was perfect in its simplicity. I was becoming the me I’d never allowed myself to acknowledge before.

Will came over and squeezed my shoulder. “Yeah, I guess he is.” My brother grinned, and I gave him a nod in return.

We got off the subject of me and Danny after that. Elijah and Shaw cooked. Everyone teased each other. Apparently, Shaw had a secret love of Disney and Pixar movies. They confirmed they’d gotten Danny a ticket to Elijah’s ballet.

We were in the living room, eating, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to see Brad’s name on the screen.