Messy Love (Stumbling into Love 3)

His comment pulled another groan out of me. He didn’t get it. I wasn’t like him—and I didn’t mean the queer part either, which was confusing in itself. When I was growing up, that word was used as a slur. Will had explained that some in the community had reclaimed it. But back to the topic at hand, I was our father’s son. I held shit in, I didn’t get all we-stick-together-and-hold-hands-in-a-circle, the way Will sounded right then. I didn’t know how to do that, and honestly, I didn’t know if I really deserved it after how I’d treated Will. I used to pick on him. I’d hated spending time with him because he’d reminded me of who I was but wouldn’t let myself be.

But then, if I was real quiet, if I let myself hear that soft whisper inside me, I’d acknowledge the voice there that wanted exactly what Will had said—to feel like I belonged. Like it was okay to be me.

“It’s weird. We don’t even know each other.”

“You know each other some. This is how you get to know people. Come on, Jonathan. What’s the worst that could happen? At least you’ve met him, know his friends and such, so we don’t have to worry about him being some kind of psycho murderer.”

I chuckled. This felt…ridiculous. I felt ridiculous. I was too damn old to be rooming with someone and trying to figure out who in the fuck I really was.

“You deserve to be happy.” I opened my mouth to respond, but Will kept speaking. “No, I’m not saying that living with Danny is going to magically make you happy. I’m just saying…you’ve been living a lie for a long time. That had to weigh on you. Give yourself a chance to meet new people and do the things you really want to do. If that includes going back to the burbs and working construction with Nolan and Brad, that’s fine. But you’re the one who told me that I had opportunities you didn’t. I had the chance to walk away, but you didn’t. Now’s your chance, big bro. The only question is, are you going to take it?”

He was right. Goddamn it, I hated that he was right. “Give me his number.” It couldn’t hurt to call him. That wasn’t committing myself to anything.

“Aw, look at you listening to your little brother.”

I gave Will the finger, and we both laughed as he pulled out his phone and read off Danny’s phone number. We hung out for a while longer, and then I headed to my truck to make the drive back to the duplex I rented in our hometown. I hadn’t told Will, but I’d already given my thirty-day notice at my place. I figured even if I rented a small studio, it wouldn’t be that hard to find an apartment in Atlanta. I had a little bit of cash stashed away and had interviews scheduled all week.

Instead of pulling away, I sat in my truck and looked at Danny’s phone number. There was no reason I should feel insecure about calling him. Hell, he was the one who’d offered for me to stay with him. If my dad were around and could see me, he’d think I was being a pussy—his word, not mine. He hadn’t said those things aloud to me often, and I wasn’t sure he ever did to my brothers, but he hadn’t had to verbalize it with me. I’d known what he thought, what he always had in the back of his mind after he’d caught me in that treehouse, kissing my friend.

But then, he would have also looked at me differently for living with someone who was gay. Something about that truth made me hit Danny’s name on the screen.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Um, hey. This is Jonathan. Will’s brother? He gave me your number.”

“Oh, hey, man. How’s it going?”

“Not too bad. I was just leaving Will’s, and he mentioned you might be looking for a roommate and said I should call…?”

“Yeah, for sure. You’d be a lifesaver. I’d love to have someone to split the bills with, but I hate the idea of living with just anyone. I’d much rather it be someone I know and trust, and honestly, I’d rather it be someone queer too.”

It was still a shock to my system to hear someone say something like that about me. I’d known it inside, but I’d kept it locked tight for so damn long. It was also pretty cool to hear him talk about me as if we were friends and I wasn’t just his buddy’s dickhead brother. “Yeah, I hear ya. Sucks not knowing what you’re going to get—though I guess we still don’t.”

Danny laughed, and I liked the sound. It was a happy sort of laugh that made you want to do the same.