I closed my eyes and stepped away. “That all makes sense. They might be your friends or even family in some sick, twisted way. But they’re also monsters.” I faced him again. “And they make you monstrous.”
“I am not going to be that person again. Is this about the fucking bet?” he groaned. “Is it always going to be about the bet?”
“It’s not the bet. It’s that all of our problems start and end with the crew!”
“Yes, yes they do,” he growled. “Like you fucking my best friend.”
“Jesus Christ, we weren’t even together. And it’s not like you didn’t bang half of the Upper East Side.”
“Because you left me!” he said, throwing his arms out.
“Yes, I did. And it was the right thing to do after the bullshit you pulled on me, Penn. We could go around and around in circles about all of this if you wanted. But the fact is that the crew fucks everything up between us. And…and I don’t want that.” I huffed out a breath as the words…the truth escaped me. I wanted this. I wanted Penn.
Penn stepped around his desk and let down his defenses. “I don’t want that either. I guess I’m still mad that you were with Lewis. Just like you’re still mad about the bet. We’re not over it. And I shouldn’t be surprised. It was fucked up on all accounts.”
“It terrifies me to think that you went to see them. I don’t know what that could mean. Or why you’d hide it from me.”
Penn threaded our fingers together. “I shouldn’t have hidden it. And nothing happened. Except a whole lot of posturing between me and Lewis, Katherine sore from kinky sex with Camden, and Rowe getting a boyfriend, who you’ll meet tomorrow.”
I blinked. “I did not need that image of Katherine and Camden.”
“Tell me about it. That was all of us.”
“And Rowe has a boyfriend?”
“Yeah, he told us that he’s bisexual. Though we’d always guessed. We had just been waiting for him to come to us. Which I honestly never thought would happen, considering it’s Rowe.”
“For sure.” I shook my head to clear all my loose thoughts. “I hate that I jumped to conclusions about all of this. I don’t want this to keep happening.”
“We both have issues with trust, Natalie. It’s not going to go away overnight. We have to try to keep the past where it belongs.”
I leaned forward into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me, cocooning me in his warm embrace. I should have come straight to him. It felt as if this argument had been brewing for weeks. Longer even. Maybe it had been brewing all along.
He pressed a kiss into my hair. “I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I know.”
His hands slipped under my jacket, sliding the material over my shoulders and then carelessly tossing it onto the chair. He tilted my head up until I was looking at him. “I won’t hurt you.”
I nodded with a hard swallow at the depth of affection I saw in his gaze.
“This isn’t like before. I’m not leaving you. I’m not lying about our relationship. This is just me. I’m not perfect. I’m still working on me. And I’ll probably fuck it up again, Nat, but I’m willing to try with you. For you.”
I stood on my toes and pressed a firm kiss to his lips. “I might continue to jump to conclusions,” I said against his mouth. “I’ve been hurt a lot, and it scares me. This scares me.”
“As long as we go through this together, then we’ll be fine.” Penn slipped his hands down my arms, and I winced as he ran across the upper arm that Lewis had grabbed earlier. Penn glanced down at my arm with a crinkle in his brow. Then he got a look at my arm, and his concern flipped on a switch. “Holy fuck! Did he do this to you?”
My eyes followed where he was holding my arm out. And there, in a perfect arc on my upper arm, was a growing, mottled bruise.
“Oh my god,” I whispered. “I knew it’d hurt when he grabbed me. I didn’t realize that I’d bruised.”
Penn released my arm, and his hands balled into tight fists. His chest heaved as if he were fighting with himself from throwing that fist right into the wall since Lewis wasn’t here to be the punching bag.
“You have to file a restraining order,” he got out through gritted teeth.
“What? No way.”
“Natalie, you have a bruise on your arm from him. What if you see him again and I’m not there? This is serious.”
“I can’t,” I whispered, staring down at the bruise.
“Look, you can use my attorney. Even just to get a temporary one to show him that you’re serious. We can assess whether you need a permanent one after we see how he reacts to a temporary order.”