Hold Me Close (Bridgewater County 4)

And Matt? He’d made his disinterest obvious. I wasn’t in his league. I wouldn’t know what to do if he ever got me alone, if he ever wanted to follow through on the dirty things he’d said to me. I’d been appalled at the time, but I’d had plenty of time to think about it since. Yeah, I wanted a guy to be so open and well, hot for me. But he’d used those words cruelly, meant to drive me away. Yeah, I knew where I stood with him.

But their possessiveness and protectiveness when they dealt with Bob had left me feeling more desired and turned on than I could ever remember. I couldn’t understand it. They were probably just being overprotective because I was their employee, but that didn’t change the fact that there had been a persistent, throbbing ache between my thighs as I drove away. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have said they were staking their claim, letting Bob know I was off limits, but that couldn’t be right. I’d replayed that final interaction countless times as I lay in bed the night before. The memory alone had made me feel things I’d thought I never would.

I didn’t seem frigid when I thought of Matt and Ethan. My nipples hardened, my pussy ached with need and when I used my fingers to ease it, I thought of them. Saw their rugged faces in my mind, thought of their big hands on my body. And when I came, I cried out their names.

What the hell was wrong with me? I’d been on a perfectly nice date with an attractive man who’d flattered me with compliments. But when he touched me? Nothing. No sparks whatsoever. Only that coldness that filled me with disgust. But then my two off-limits bosses showed up and started acting all domineering and protective and suddenly I was hot as hell, dreaming about what it would be like to be fucked by two men at once. Who came alone in my bed imagining it. Me. The twenty-six year old virgin.

Maybe that was why I’d overreacted with them in the parking lot. I wasn’t used to feeling that way. I had no idea how to act around them. In the office, it was easy. There was always a spreadsheet to talk about, work to be done. But at the Barking Dog, and worse, alone in the parking lot? I’d lashed out, the only way I knew to try to push the feelings away. To push them away. If they got too close, surely they’d see the truth. And then they’d laugh. Matt sure would. Like he’d said, I was out of his league.

Even still, Matt had made me so turned on back at the rodeo, I’d dreamed about him for weeks. His crass, dirty words had done something to me. They’d made me feel wanton and sexy for the first time in my life.

Shit. I had some serious problems. Serious. Normal women couldn’t be like this, like me.

I finally felt sexual attraction and it was only when some macho player threatened to spank and fuck me in the stables. I’d chalked it up to a fluke. Like maybe my hormones had gone haywire that day or something. But it had happened again in the parking lot. Something about the way Ethan had looked at me when he said, “if you were ours.”

Yeah, I hadn’t forgotten about that.

That was all it took. Ethan saying those words and giving me that intense stare and my deepest, darkest fantasies had been unleashed. All I could think about was what it would be like if they’d ordered me around in bed.

But then reality had set in. These were my employers. And now I’d have to face them at work on Monday. How was I supposed to act around them? I could pretend like nothing had happened. For them, it probably had been nothing. Just another night at the bar, looking out for a woman in distress.

Lulu wiggled her little butt and I put her up on my shoulder, patted her small back. It was time for a reality check. Sure, they were chivalrous and protective but they were probably like that with all women. I had to stop myself from reading anything more into it. Making up something where there was nothing.

But even as I thought that, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way they’d looked at me. Like I was theirs.

That was a ridiculous thought, but I hadn’t been able to shake it even though logically I knew the truth. Matt and Ethan wouldn’t want me. Matt was too much of a player. Even if I hadn’t seen the way all the buckle bunnies ogled him at the rodeo, anyone with eyes could tell he was a sexual person. The kind of guy who took home a different woman every night and pleasured the hell out of her.

Ethan, on the other hand…he seemed like the monogamous type. But monogamous or not, he still wasn’t for me. He was too handsome and smart and charming. I’d bet money that half the women in town had a crush on him and the other half had made their way into his bed at one time or another. He could have any woman he wanted, there was no way he’d want the frigid virgin.

Even as I thought myself in circles, again and again, disappointment stung. I knew they weren’t the right men for me, but that didn’t change the fact they’d gotten under my skin. I’d been trying desperately to ignore the attraction when I was in the office, but I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t felt the chemistry last night. I’d never lashed out like I had with them.

I was going mental. Seriously mental. Hormones? Bi-polar disorder? Insanity?

“That’s too bad it didn’t work out with Bob,” Emmy said, adjusting the pillow behind her head. “Have you met anyone that does make you feel a spark?”

Yes. Two people, to be precise. Two men who were entirely off limits for so many reasons. There was no way I could tell Emmy about my stupid infatuation with my bosses. Her former bosses. She’d either laugh at me outright for lusting after the forbidden fruit of an office romance or insist I act on it. Neither option was appealing.

“Not really,” I lied, stroking my hand over LuLu’s head.

“But you want to meet someone, right?”

I shrugged and kept my gaze on little Lulu. Her eyes were still blue, but I had a feeling they’d turn a dark brown before too long. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think maybe a husband isn’t in the cards for me.”

Emmy made a sympathetic sound that came way too close to pity. “You’re only twenty-six. Far from an old maid,” she countered.

I forced a smile. “Rachel Andrews. Bridgewater spinster and owner of thirty cats. It’s not a big deal if I turn into the cat lady. I don’t need a man in my life to be happy.” Just then Lulu looked at me and made the most adorable gurgling noise I’d ever heard. I let out a sappy sigh. “Can I keep LuLu? You can make another with your men.”

Emmy laughed and rolled her eyes. “You can make one of your own,” she countered.

“There’s the small problem of needing a man to make one. If I had a little LuLu, then I really wouldn’t mind my single status. I’d give up dating for good.”

Emmy turned to me with a teasing grin. “It’s definitely more fun making one the old-fashioned way, but haven’t you heard? You don’t need a man to get knocked up these days. There’s a sperm bank in Helena that’ll give you what you need without the hassle of dating.”

She was teasing. Outright laughing at her own joke.

But I didn’t laugh. Sperm bank.

My brain kicked into gear, all thoughts of Matt and Ethan were pushed to the side as my mind raced with possibilities. Baby possibilities.