Hold Me Close (Bridgewater County 4)

“So,” Ethan drawled, putting his hands on his hips. “That went well.”

I shrugged. “I don’t think we’re any worse off than we were.”

My best friend rolled his eyes. “Considering she hated you and tolerated me, that’s not saying much.”

“At least we got her away from that asshole, Bob.” I might have had a temper but that didn’t mean I couldn’t look at the bright side. “She might not be going home with us, but at least she’s going home alone.”

Ethan made a sound of agreement before heading back toward the bar. “I need a drink.”

When I held the door open for him, the music hitting us full force, he added, “It would’ve been a bit more encouraging if she hadn’t outright told us she wasn’t ours.”

I slapped a hand on his shoulder as I followed him back inside. “Not yet,” I added, feeling more upbeat by the minute. “She’s not ours yet.”

I might have been forced to retire early from my chosen career, but no one had ever called me a quitter and I sure as hell wasn’t about to start now.

CHAPTER FIVE

RACHEL

I was in love.

It was official. Emmy’s two-month-old daughter, Louisa Mary, or Lulu as I liked to call her, was my new favorite person on the planet. I’d offered to watch the little sweetheart while Emmy ran some errands and now I was loathe to part with my adorable niece. That seemed to be just fine with Emmy, who looked happy, but exhausted from sleepless nights. She lounged on my couch with her mug of tea while I rocked and shushed Lulu.

“You look like a natural,” Emmy said, her head resting on a decorative pillow, her feet up on the arm rest.

I smiled and tried to ignore the painful ache in my chest. Lulu was a soft, warm little lump. In her pink footie pajamas, she had her knees bent up and her hands in tiny fists. She had that perfect baby smell, fresh laundry and milk. She was as bald as a cue ball, but had dark fuzz that was so soft at her nape that meant she had the coloring of her fathers.

She hiccuped and I couldn’t help but laugh. This right here, this was all I’d ever wanted. A baby. Sweet and snuggly. Multiple babies. A family of my own. Maybe it was because I came from a large brood, but that’s what I’d planned for myself. I always saw my future with a messy house filled with strewn socks, unmade beds and slamming screen doors. There would be loud laughter and unconditional love.

It never occurred to me that I might not be able to have that dream. I wasn’t old by any means and my biological clock wasn’t ticking too loudly. My mother would just tell me to be patient. But I wasn’t patient. Not when it came to being able to hold my own perfect child, to rock it and sing. There were no men in my future, especially not with the way I reacted to a man getting near me. I had a personal brand of man repellant and it was working really well. No men, and that meant no babies. No big family house, no snot filled noses to wipe.

Maybe it was time I finally faced facts. I would never have the kind of relationship that my siblings had. I’d never have a LuLu of my own.

I’d never feel comfortable being intimate with a man. And intimacy was kind of crucial when it came to baby making. Even Bob’s hand on my knee had creeped me out. Well, he creeped me out.

God, I’d been in a funk all morning. I’d hoped time with my niece would help, and it had to some extent, but it also served to highlight what I was missing in my life.

Emmy interrupted my thoughts. “So how’d it go with Bob last night?”

Ugh. Bob. Since Bob was friends with one of Emmy’s husbands and she’d been the one to set us up, I felt bad telling her the truth so I just shrugged. “It was okay. I don’t think there was really a spark there.”

That was my polite way of saying that Bob was a bore. He’d been nice enough, though not exactly witty or charismatic. I’d had to paste a fake smile on my face for an hour as he droned on about his day-to-day chores at his store.

And then it had gotten worse. So much worse. Apparently my fake smile had been a little too effective because after one drink, Bob started making moves. Clumsy, awkward moves that had me fully understanding why people used the term frigid. His touch left me cold. He

hadn’t been terribly inappropriate. It wasn’t like he’d started groping me under the table or anything. He’d just touched my leg. My knee, to be exact. Any sane person would have handled it smoothly.

Not me. I’d freaked. Freezing up like a deer in headlights as that old terror set it. If there had been any doubt Bob was not a contender for a second date, his touch made it abundantly clear. If the feel of his hand on my knee was repulsive, there was no way I’d be able to deal with his lips on mine.

That simple, almost platonic touch had been enough to turn me into a block of ice. I’d clenched my teeth and tried my best to keep from rudely jerking away from him, but I pulled away out of instinct. And when I’d shifted my leg away, he hadn’t gotten the idea and put his hand back! How much more obvious could I have gotten that I wasn’t interested? A drink over his head?

I probably would have ended up causing a scene if Ethan and Matt hadn’t shown up when they had. My breath caught in my chest for a moment as I remembered the look in their eyes as they’d approached. While Bob’s hand on my knee had turned me to ice, their gazes had turned my insides into an inferno. They’d loomed over the booth and I’d felt small, feminine beside them.

Matt had stood a few feet back, quiet but lethal, if his glare was anything to go by. Holy hell, if looks could kill he’d have slaughtered Bob on the spot. I didn’t have to be a genius to know Matt didn’t like the guy. Had he seen Bob’s hand on my knee?

Even calm, laid back Ethan had been appallingly rude. He’d glared at Bob in disgust like he was a lizard who’d just climbed out from behind a rock. It had taken me by surprise. In the office, they were calm, reserved, careful. Their behavior had been shocking…and confusing. I had no idea they could be so…so much like Neanderthals.

And now? I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I knew they didn’t want me. Not like that. How could they? They were two ridiculously hot cowboys while I was…well, me. Besides Matt’s rude behavior at the rodeo, they’d both been completely benign with me. No heated glances, no crude words. Not even a brush of a hand on my arm. They took professional to a whole new level. They’d made it more than clear that I was just their office manager and they wanted nothing more.