I pushed that thought to the side. They were grown men—Bridgewater men. I knew how it was. I’d watched Bridgewater relationships unfold around me my entire life.
If Ethan and Matt said I was the one for them, then I needed to trust them. They knew what they wanted. They’d just been idiots and hid every dang sign. I might be a virgin, but I wasn’t clueless. Now it was obvious of their interest. Why had they been so good at hiding it all this time?
“Are you all right? You look a little dazed,” Ethan said as he led me out to the parking lot. The sun was shining and it was warm after the cool, antiseptic feel of the clinic. His hand was at the small of my back and it felt…reassuring. He hadn’t touched me before the kiss. I didn’t even remember a handshake. But the kiss? God, had that been good. My lips still tingled.
Dazed? Um, yeah.
I nodded. “I’m fine.” Just reeling from the fact that my life had gone from humdrum to the stuff of fairytales in the span of ten minutes. I wasn’t getting sperm from a test tube. I was getting it right from the source, times two.
Two guys were going to take me to a hotel and fuck me, most likely six ways to Sunday. These things didn’t happen to people like me. That was because I was a virgin. But now? Or soon, I had a feeling it was going to happen quite a bit if the looks on these guys’ faces was any indication.
But it was happening. As Ethan helped me into Matt’s truck it dawned on me that not only was it happening, but we’d be consummating the relationship in a matter of minutes. I would no longer be a virgin.
I sucked in air and tried to steady my breathing. This time it was Matt who gave me a look of concern. I managed a thin smile and he turned back to driving.
The hotel was just down the road, so we were there in no time. It was all happening so quickly. Too quickly. By the time we reached the room and they’d closed the door with a loud click behind us, full-blown panic had set in.
I didn’t know what I was doing. And once they got me into bed, they’d see that. What if I let them down? What if I froze up like I did every other time I’d tried to get close to a man? What if I couldn’t please them? What if they didn’t like my body and they changed their minds? I had a horrible image in my head of what their expressions would look like when they finally realized the woman they were going to claim was a dud.
Oh god, it would be too humiliating. I couldn’t do this. I was only setting myself up for heartbreak and disappointment.
I was so caught up in my paranoid thoughts I didn’t realize Matt and Ethan had stopped in front of me and were watching me with concern.
“Breathe, Rachel,” Ethan said, putting his hands on my shoulders.
The hard feel of them gave me something to focus on besides my crazy thoughts and I looked up at him. I felt the heat of his palms, the squeeze of his fingers, the weight of his touch.
“Breathe. Slower. Good,” he crooned.
Matt stroked his hand over my head, his fingers sliding through my hair. “Fuck, baby, we’re not going to hurt you.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not that.” I closed my eyes, sighed. I’d screwed up already. “I’m not scared of you.”
Both men frowned as they loomed over me, blocking most of the light from the hotel room’s window.
“Then what is it?” Ethan asked, his voice soft.
“I know we’ve fucked up before, but you know the truth now. We’re here for you. All of it.” Matt reached for my hand and I was sure he noticed how cold it was. “Baby, you can tell us anything.”
Even this? Tell them why I was ruined for them? That I was frigid? For the first time since it happened, I found that I wanted to tell someone. No, not just someone. I wanted to tell them. I needed them to know why I wasn’t good for them, why I’d never give them what they needed. They were very virile men—pheromones pumped off them in waves—and I doubted I could meet all their needs.
I did it quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“There was this guy…in college.”
Both men stepped back as if they suddenly realized this was a serious topic. It wasn’t something simple like I was worried it would hurt the first time. Yeah, I worried a little about that too because these guys, I was sure, were huge, if the rest of them was any indication.
Matt kept my hand in his as he led me over to the bed. I sat on the corner while they tugged the room’s two chairs to face me. Ethan leaned forward, put his forearms on his thighs, his dark eyes focused squarely on me. While they’d been ready to take me to bed, there was no hint of that need now. They were interested in what I had to say, what made me upset. Two rugged, handsome faces looked at me. Waited.
“I was in college. I’d dated some, nothing serious.” I shrugged. I didn’t have to explain what serious meant to them since I’d already told them I was a virgin. “There was this one guy, junior year. It was our third date. We hadn’t done anything more than kiss.”
Matt’s hand squeezed mine and I looked to him, his square jaw clenching. Was he upset I admitted I’d kissed someone else or because he had an idea of what was to come?
I took a deep breath, let it out. “He picked me up at my dorm room and came inside. We were supposed to go to a party, but he said he wanted to have a party with only me.”
I felt nauseated remembering the cheesy and gag-worthy line. Then, I’d been a little excited. Flattered.
I flicked my gaze between the two. They were waiting, too damn patiently. There was no way I could get out of this now.