Hold Me Close (Bridgewater County 4)

“You know, don’t you?”

A little part of me hated myself for putting Emmy in this position, and for invading Rachel’s privacy in this way. But if she wasn’t willing to talk, what other options did I have?

Finally, Emmy blew out a long breath. “All I can tell you is she’s not doing this for herself. She thinks it’s the right thing to do for you and Matt.”

I frowned, shook my head. “She said something like that the other day but it doesn’t make sense.” I sighed, ran a hand over the back of my neck. “Why?”

Emmy’s mouth clamped shut. Clearly, that was all the info I was getting from Rachel’s loyal little sister.

I forced a smile. “Thanks, Emmy. I appreciate you meeting me.”

She reached out a hand and squeezed mine. “I’m rooting for you, Ethan. We all are.”

I nodded and watched as she walked away to join her husbands by the door. Emmy hadn’t told me much. But the fact that Rachel was making us all miserable because she was being noble for some reason was driving me fucking insane. I didn’t need her to be noble, I needed her to be ours. I had a very strong suspicion it had to do with Matt and the job offer, that she must have come to the conclusion that she was standing in his way. And if we’d made a baby, then she’d be pretty hefty baggage for Matt. The silly woman still didn’t understand that she was everything we wanted.

I cursed under my breath at Matt, though he wasn’t around to

hear me. This was his fault…again. That ass was going to ruin the best thing that had ever come our way.

If this really was the issue, it would take more than just me to get through to her. Matt needed to talk to her, to reassure her. He was the one who’d put these doubts into her mind, whether he’d intended to or not.

When I left The Barking Dog, I had a plan—not a hell of a good one, but a plan nonetheless. We couldn’t waste any more time. The longer this silence went on, the harder it would be to get through to her and convince her that we were both in this for the long haul. Not because we said we would, but because it was what we wanted. We. I said we when the other half of the “we” was in fucking California.

I was impatient and annoyed. I needed Matt’s help and the only way to get it was to go to him. There was too much at stake here for a fucking voicemail, and my priority had been to get through to Rachel. Yeah, that wasn’t working.

Now I had to get through to Matt, get him to see how much he risked losing if he pursued this job. I drove out of town with a little more lead in my foot than usual, heading to the ranch to pack and make a flight reservation.

When I walked into the kitchen, I stopped short. Matt was there, sitting alone in the dark. Shit, he looked bad, like he hadn’t slept in days. Probably as bad as me.

He looked up when I came in. “Hey.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” I didn’t try to hide my irritation. What would be the point? It was his fault we were in this mess. “I thought you’d be in San Francisco for another couple days, at least.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that was the plan.”

Ah hell. He stared down at his feet and despite my intentions to remain cold, I felt for him. I’d been there during his recovery from shoulder surgery, from when he had to drop the team. The aftermath. It had destroyed him, losing the dream like that. But he’d come back, found a new dream, or so I’d thought. “You didn’t get the job?”

His head shot up and he looked surprised. Then he scratched the back of his head in a way I knew well. It gave him away every time he was guilty or embarrassed about something. “Yeah, about that. I got the job.”

I grunted, because I wasn’t happy about it, but it didn’t sound like he was either.

“But I turned it down. In fact, I think I burned that bridge. I got up and walked out. Right in the middle of the interview.”

He summed it up for me quickly, his eyes never meeting mine as he admitted how wrong he’d been. That he’d been blinded by fantasies of dreams he’d long since outgrown. How he’d figured it out sitting in the General Manager’s office.

He sighed. “I fucked up.”

I put my hands on my hips, not understanding him. “With the Giants? Uh, yeah.”

“No, with Rachel.”

When he finally lifted his gaze to mine, I saw he was waiting for me to yell at him.

I dropped my arms, exhaled. I didn’t have it in me. It was obvious he was beating himself up more than I ever could, and he’d be hating himself even more once I told him how Rachel had called it quits.

“Yeah, you did.”

His shoulders slumped.