Hold Me Close (Bridgewater County 4)

They both gaped at me with open mouths and wide eyes like I’d just declared that I was a ninja or something.

“Are you serious?” Ethan asked as he shifted his stance.

Matt made a growling sound as he ran his hands through his hair. “This is all my fault. I never should have gone to that interview.”

I bit back a sigh, suddenly tired from the effort it took to remain strong. “It’s not your fault, Matt. I’m happy for you, I really am. You have a dream and you should pursue it. You’re going to do great in San Francisco.”

When he lifted his head, his eyes met mine and I froze at the depth of his emotions. He reached out to me and tugged me up against him. I felt every hard line of his body. “You’re my dream, Rachel. You and the family that we’re working on creating.”

I shook my head against the tempting words. Oh, how wonderful life would be if I could truly believe him. “You think you have to say that because—”

“I don’t have to say anything.” Frustration had him glaring down at me and I felt Ethan’s presence close at my side, felt the heat of him. I was surrounded by them, overpowered by their size and intensity.

“Dammit, Rachel, listen to us,” Ethan said. “We’re not here because we feel a sense of responsibility toward you. We do, of course, but not in the way you think.”

“You think you’re a burden to us, am I right?” Matt asked. Some of the sternness had left his voice and he sounded surprisingly gentle. His hands still gripped my upper arms, his thumbs sliding back and forth over my bare skin.

I nodded. There was no way I could lie to them when they were so close and so…overwhelming.

He sighed and I could see the regret in his eyes. “I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way.”

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t denied it. “If I had a baby, you’d always have to sacrifice your career dreams for me…for us.”

He pushed a lock of hair out of my face and cupped my chin in his hand, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I was wrong to leave like that, Rachel. But it won’t happen again.”

I opened my mouth to protest but he continued before I could.

“I won’t be leaving. I turned down the job. Not because of you, but because of me.” He scowled down at me, his eyes darkening with emotion. “I never want to be away from you. From you and Ethan and any family we make, not for any length of time. And not for a coaching job.”

“If I weren’t here, you wouldn’t be saying that.” My voice sounded small, but it was the last protest I could come up with. I was losing my strength to fight them, and a little part of me was starting to hear what he was saying—what Ethan had been saying all along.

He gave me a lopsided grin, as though he could sense my weakening. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe if you hadn’t come along I would have run off to San Francisco and lived out my dream of working in the majors again.”

The air rushed from my lungs at him admitting that I had a point. But then he continued, his thumb pressing more firmly into my chin as if to ensure I was paying attention.

“But you did come along. And the moment you walked into my life, my dreams changed. Does a life in baseball hold some appeal? Yes, of course it does. But it pales in comparison to this new reality I’ve been given. One with you in it. Hell, in the damn center of it. In which I’d be lucky enough to have a family of my own. A wife and hopefully kids.”

Tears stung the back of my eyes at his words.

“Life changes,” he said. “Time makes us move forward and grow up. You should know that as well as anyone. You reached a point where you realized that your dream family wouldn’t come in the way you’d imagined it and decided to do something about it.”

I blinked up at him. That was true. My childish fantasies of how I’d meet a man and start a family had taken a turn the moment I’d been assaulted in college and couldn’t be intimate. I’d had to change my dream to fit the new me, which had meant heading to a sperm bank. And who could have predicted that a sperm bank was where these two would profess their love?

He pulled me tighter until I my breasts were crushed against his chest. “So yeah, maybe in another life I would have taken that job. But now that I have you? I couldn’t imagine a better life than the one I have right here, right now.”

Wow. Just…wow. If I’d had any doubts about his honesty, they were dashed by the look in his eyes. The truth of his words was there, shown plainly for me to see. I heard Ethan move beside me. “So?” he asked. “What do you say, Rachel? Will you give us another chance to be a family?”

My heart threatened to leap out of my chest. I never knew it could feel so good to admit defeat, but they’d broken through the last of my walls and there was no turning back. Shifting slightly so I could see them both, I smiled up at my men.

“I definitely want to be a part of this family.” I glanced down at my belly. “But you should know that our little family is about to grow, sooner than you might think.”

Both of them stared at me, trying to understand my words. Ethan broke the silence first. “Wait, are you saying…?”

“Are you…holy shit.” I’d never seen Matt go speechless before and I took a second to marvel at the sight. I couldn’t help but smile. When it seemed like they couldn’t take the suspense any longer, I gave in and nodded. They broke out in grins and whooped with happiness. Matt picked me up and spun me about, then carefully set me down, obviously afraid he might have scrambled the baby.

He put a hand on my flat belly. “We’re going to have a baby.”

“When you two apply yourself to a task, you certainly give it your all.”