his acquaintance had said that he wouldn’t have believed them, but with Toni he knew it was the truth. He’d been to hell and back the last weeks, but he knew he’d only got himself to blame. In the beginning he had set out to seduce her and yet he’d been the one who had been seduced—seduced into love. Ironic. And the fact that she could walk away from him and cut him out of her life should have killed that love stone dead; he wasn’t the type of man to turn the other cheek—he never had been. But it didn’t make any difference. It should have, but it didn’t, not where she was concerned. She mattered more than his feelings.
His Achilles heel. That was what Jeff had called her when he’d got blind drunk at his brother-in-law’s at Christmas and slept the night on their sofa. Jeff had come down early in the morning when he’d had a head on him like a banging drum, and over a cup of strong coffee they’d talked about Toni. Apparently he’d said enough in his inebriated state for Jeff to know most of it anyway.
Steel screened his expression. Jeff had told him that Boxing Day morning to tell her how he felt, just once.
‘Forget your pride, mate. She might sling it back in your face but can you feel worse than you do now? Annie’s worried sick about you, I can tell you that. Tell her and then leave it in the lap of the gods. If nothing else you’ll have no regrets. Say those three words you’ve always maintained you’ll never say to any woman—I love you. It’s easy, believe me. I say it to Annie all the time.’
Steel walked across to her. He’d known for weeks this day was his last chance to convince her they could make it. Not that he wanted to use the offer of the house as blackmail—he would have done if he’d thought it would work, but he knew Toni too well by now. But it was this knowledge that told him she cared for him. How much he didn’t know. But she cared.
Toni had risen to her feet at his approach, her eyes wary, but he didn’t touch her. He didn’t trust himself to. ‘I want you to have the house because I love you,’ he said softly. ‘I’ve never said that to another woman because it’s never been true before. I love you. Completely, utterly, for ever. I need you, I want you and I love you. I don’t want any other woman but you and I never will, but I can’t prove that to you except through time so you’ll have to take it on trust.’
She was ashen-faced. He could have been delivering a death sentence, the way she was looking at him. ‘And—and if I can’t?’
‘I can help you.’
‘Help me?’ Toni said wildly, her still façade suddenly shattering. ‘How can you help me when you’re the one person who could destroy me?’
He stared at her. As a declaration of love it left a lot to be desired, but no words ever sounded sweeter. She loved him. All the agony of the last weeks had been worth it just for this moment. ‘But I won’t.’ He reached out and pulled her into his arms and was amazed when she didn’t fight him. ‘I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you, have a dozen kids, two dozen. I love you, I love you, I love you,’ he said over and over again, wondering why he’d thought the words so impossible to say. ‘And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I should have. I’m a coward, that’s the truth of it. I thought I was showing you but I should have said.’
‘Steel, don’t. Please don’t.’
‘Marry me, Toni. Live with me. Love me. Let me love you, and the girls. Make us a family.’
‘I can’t.’ She was sobbing but she still hadn’t tried to move out of his arms. ‘I can’t, don’t you see?’
‘You can. If you love me, we can do this. Do you love me, Toni? Do you? Tell me?’
‘I do love you,’ she whispered, her voice breaking. ‘That’s what scares me. I’m so ordinary—’
‘Never say that.’ He covered her mouth in a hungry kiss, crushing her against his chest. ‘You’re beautiful, my pearl beyond price.’ In seconds they were lost to the world, straining into each other with an urgency made all the more desperate for their estrangement of the last weeks.
When Steel finally broke off the kiss it was to lift her up in his arms and sit with her on his lap on the sofa. ‘Listen to me, my love,’ he said shakily. ‘You must try to understand. I can’t stop the Barbaras of the world behaving the way they do, but they can’t touch us unless you let them. I’m yours, body, soul and spirit and I promise you this day you are enough for me until forever and beyond. I will never give you cause to doubt me, never. You are my sun, moon and stars and I want you as my wife and the mother of my children. And I will teach you to trust, believe me. Until the last shadow of doubt in yourself is gone. When you see yourself as I see you, you will have no need to fear. I want you in sickness and in health, now and in old age. I’ll push you in your Bath chair if you’ll push me in mine.’
He kissed her again, crushing her willing lips under his, deepening the kiss until finally he sighed, a long desperate sound as he muttered, ‘I’ve been going insane, quietly insane.’
‘Oh, Steel. I’ve been so unhappy,’ she cried softly. ‘I’ve wanted you so much but I’ve been so frightened.’
‘No more, my love. No more. I need you every bit as much as you need me. I can’t live without you.’
She nuzzled her face into his throat. ‘I’ve missed you so much. And I thought you didn’t want me any more.’
He pulled back a little, looking into her flushed face. ‘Do you want a big wedding?’ he asked thickly.
‘A big wedding?’ She stared at him, surprised. ‘No, no, I don’t think so. I did all that before and it was almost impersonal. But—but we’ve plenty of time before—’
‘Good, because I want to marry you soon, next week even. Would you do that? We can get the girls pretty dresses and have your parents and Annie and Jeff, Maggie too.’
‘Next week? Can you do that? There’s so much red tape.’
‘I can do it,’ he said firmly. ‘Money was made to do away with red tape. I want you, Toni. In my bed, as my wife. I want it to be right from the start. No hole-in-the-wall affair. I’ve had enough of them in the past. This is different. You’re different. We’ll come together as man and wife and not till then.’
She felt a moment’s panic. Things were happening too fast. And then she looked into Steel’s face and saw the love shining out of his eyes.
‘I want to love you, Toni. Properly. I want to spend all night showing you how much I love you, and with the best intentions in the world my control only goes so far when we’re together like this. And once that ring is on your finger you can’t change your mind,’ he added, grinning.
She drew in a steadying breath. This still terrified her, but she’d glimpsed a future in which there was no Steel and she couldn’t go through that again. She loved him. And with Steel at her side she could learn to trust herself again, to regain what had been eaten away after she’d met Richard.
‘So, the shortest engagement in living history?’ Steel asked her, only the faintest shadow in his eyes betraying the glimmer of uncertainty he was feeling as to her reaction.