How did she know? The pain that shot through her whole being was shattering.
She knew because her love for him had sensitised her to every little thing about him. She knew the look on his face when he thought of Elda, the tone of his voice. She knew so many things about him she had never consciously realised before. Because she loved him.
The knowledge had been there with her for weeks but she had been too busy fighting it to let it get through to her brain. She loved him in a way she had never loved Matthew. In a way he had told her he was incapable of and didn't want.
"I don't think it would be a good idea for you to come round. Wolf."
There was a small, blank silence and she forced herself to continue.
"Elda wouldn't like it," she said painfully.
"Elda?" The name was a small explosion.
"What the hell has Elda got to do with it?"
"Not a lot, probably." Her heart was pounding so hard against her ribcage she was sure he could hear it.
"Let's just say she's an illustration of the case-history."
_"Lydia, I'm sure that this is making sense to one of us, but it sure isn't me." She heard a deep, indrawn breath and then his voice spoke again more quietly.
"I'm coming round--' " No! “For a moment she felt a flash of emotion that was close to hatred.
"Perhaps Elda can stand knowing she is just one in a long line of brief liaisons, perhaps she even really wants it that way, I don't know. What I do know is that I have no intention of being her replacement." This time the silence on the end of the phone was absolute. And then shockingly, unbelievably, the line went dead. He'd hung up on her. She gazed at the inoffensive piece of plastic in her hands for a full minute before replacing the receiver slowly. He hadn't tried to cajole, reassure, bully. He'd just simply hung up on her. The rejection was a stunning slap in the face. He couldn't have made it plainer how little she mattered.
She began to pace the lounge. Tiger staring up at her with wide, disapproving green eyes as she walked to and fro in an agony of bitter pain.
Well, what had she expected? she asked herself wildly.
Protestations of undying love? A declaration of a change of heart? An announcement that he had discovered she was the one true love of his life and that he was prepared to give up all for her? She laughed bitterly, that sound a cracked, dry exclamation of pain in the quiet room. She had harboured such stupidly romantic hopes in the secret recesses of her heart, she admitted to herself grimly, even if she hadn't acknowledged them to herself. And now she had got exactly what she deserved. She clenched her hands together and forced herself to sit down. He had lost a wife and daughter and his heart had died with them. End of story.
The sharp, angry knocking on her door a few minutes _later took no account of a small child sleeping. He had come to see her. As she stumbled forwards she wasn't sure if it was anger, pain, relief or wild exhilaration that had turned her legs to water, but as she flung open the door, to reveal Wolf dark and scowling on the doorstep, she knew the main component of her emotion was burning rage. Rage that he could put her through this, rage that she meant so little in comparison to what
she felt for him, rage at Elda and the hundred and one others like her-- "Elda is the wife of my best friend." As she automatically tried to close the door, stunned at the outrageous lie, he thrust his foot in the space and jerked the handle out of her hand.
"Oh, no, you're going to listen, listen to every damn word I want to say."
The words were low and furious and all the more deadly for being spoken in a quiet, controlled hiss.
"I don't know what this husband of yours has done to you to make you so distrustful of the male gender, but I sure as hell intend to find out." She found herself manhandled back into the lounge and sank down on to the set tee as her legs refused to support her another moment.
"Elda is Andrew's wife--the doctor I called out to you when you hurt your head?" She nodded helplessly as he stood in front of her, magnificent and frightening in his black rage.
"I've known them both since university and there has never been a couple more deeply in love," he continued grimly, his eyes lethal.
"But Elda can't have children, or to be more precise she can't carry a baby more than twelve weeks. It's been miscarriage after miscarriage, I've lost count, and since the last one a year ago she's got it into her head that
Andrew is going to leave her for someone else who can give him children. / know that it's the last thing on Andrew's mind, he's _nearly been going insane trying to convince her that he loves her more than any desire for procreation, but six months ago she tried to kill herself and things got really heavy for a time. She can talk to me, she trusts me." He eyed her condemningly as he said the last three words. "And Andrew and I both thought it was better than a psychiatrist, so I've been there for her--for them both."
"And the appointment?" she asked through numb lips.
"Elda's going to America," he stated expressionlessly. "A colleague of
Andrew's suggested a doctor who is unparalleled in his work for childless couples, added to which we all thought the change would do her good. The thing is an obsession now, which she has seen at last.
She is a lovely lady and I hated to see her so messed up. “He eyed her grimly.
"That is the truth, Lydia, take it or leave it. Andrew is going to join her out there in a couple of weeks when the initial tests have been completed, but he wanted me to turn up before she left as a surprise. She left on the seven o'clock flight," he added flatly.