"The office?" She could have said the moon from the blankness in his deep voice.
"No. I haven't been to the office today."
"Oh."
He looked terrible. And gorgeous. He hadn't shaved and the black shadow on his chin gave a whole new meaning to the attraction of designer stubble. A flood of _emotion surged into her chest, constricting breath and sending red-hot tears pricking painfully behind her eyelids. She stepped back quickly, petrified he'd notice. He hated emotion, she knew that.
"I--' He cleared his throat and tried again.
"I would like to come in, but if you don't want me to I understand. I guess after last night I'm the last person in the world you want to see."
Wrong, wrong, wrong, she thought dazedly. Utterly and totally wrong.
"You look as if you could do with a coffee," she said weakly as she waved him into the house.
"No. It's not coffee I need." He followed her as far as the lounge doorway and then stood leaning against it, hands thrust deeply into his pockets and his eyes narrowed and piercingly blue as he watched her turn round and face him.
He was everything she had ever wanted in a man. The knowledge pierced her soul with fire. And he could have been hers, for a time at least, but she had thrown it all away. Her throat felt like sandpaper and she knew in a minute she was going to burst into tears, which would probably be the final straw for him. She didn't know why he was here but she did know emotional scenes. weren't his style.
"What I need is to talk to you, explain--' He stopped abruptly and she knew the words weren't coming easily to him, that he found this baring of his soul distasteful.
"It's all right--' " No, it's not all right! “The rigid control faltered and slipped, and for a moment the harsh intensity that flared _in the tormented blue eyes caused her breath to stop. " Dammit! It's anything but.
"
He took a long deep pull of air but the mask was severely out of place now, his face naked and open for the first time she could remember. However could she have imagined he was unemotional? she asked herself faintly as fierce hunger, anger and burning contempt washed over his face in scorching savagery. He must hate her. To look at her like this he must hate her.
She backed from him, her hand to her mouth and her eyes wide with a painful suffering she couldn't hide. "Please go. This won't do any good--' “I’m not going to hurt you. “He swore softly as he saw the agony in her face.
"Dammit, Lydia, stop looking at me like that. I have to explain to you, you have to understand at least."
"I do." She forced herself to walk as far as the set tee and sank down on it, her legs trembling.
"I know I lied to you and you must hate me for it, but please, I can't take much more--' " But you have to understand why--' "I don't care why!"
Suddenly she was screaming at him as her nerves finally snapped.
"I don't care, do you hear? You think I'm deceitful and treacherous and dishonest, you've told me that. You think I wanted to make a fool of--' The lump of lead in her chest choked her voice, and as he made a move towards her she shot bolt- upright, her eyes flashing and her face as white as a sheet.
"Don't you touch me. Don't you dare to touch me. And I'm not going to cry, so don't worry. I just want you to go."
"No." It was a small word but coated in steel.
"Not till I've talked to you, properly, without any dramatics."
Dramatics? He dared to call this bitter grief that was tearing her apart
'dramatics'? His words acted like a deluge of icy water, restoring control and freezing her heart. "Then talk," she said flatly as she faced him with her hands clenched into fists at her side.
"If that's what you want."
"It is." He shook his head slightly, although his eyes never left hers.
"I've got no right to be here, I know that, not after last night and the things I said, but I need to explain things just once before I get out of your life for good."
She sat down then. The thought of Wolf being out of her life for good took her legs from under her.
"I was going to talk to you in Scotland but--' He stopped abruptly.