“But that made you stronger.”
“It almost tore us apart,” he said sadly. “If you want to give the money back, that’s fine. I’ll put it in a trust for my grandchild and then we’ll all be happy. Right?”
He smiled and pinched my cheek.
“Yes,” I said vacantly.
“You can’t deny me that joy. Because when I get to see my first grandson, I’ll be a new man.”
Just then I realized Jr still hadn’t told him about the little boy.
“Have you spoken to Jr?” I asked cautiously.
“We had some meetings yesterday. Why?”
“I was just wondering if he’d spoken to you about something.”
“You mean all the stuff with May?” He turned and walked over to the desk to retrieve his hat. “I told him, he’s got to control her.”
“Control her?”
“Yes. She can’t let her worship come between the two of them. I’ve seen it happen. Women get so wrapped up in the Lord, they think that’s their husband and not the man in bed next to them. They forget the orders from the Bible. The man submits to God and the woman submits to her husband and the Word.”
“So, he told you that May went to stay with her mother because she’s too wrapped up in the Word?”
“He said she won’t talk to him. Won’t go anywhere without that Bible,” he said. “Why? Is there more?”
My conscience tells me to say that as I drove to Dreamland later that night, I thought of a million reasons not to show up. A million reasons to feel bad and turn that pretty red car around and go home to Evan. Tell him the play was canceled. But really I hadn’t. I didn’t even come close to ten reasons and the two I was considering seemed just flimsy in the wake of the confrontation with my father. My heart thumping madly, my mind racing as I passed people and cars on the street, I kept thinking that what I was doing was just wrong and that once I left Tuscaloosa physically, mentally there’d be no turning back. I had to admit that to myself. But at the moment, I felt like I wanted to leave Tuscaloosa physically and mentally. I felt like everyone was trying to control me. To have their way. To have me submit. And suddenly in my spirit, I was just now longing to be free of all of it. If only for a little while.
I was thirsty to see Dame. To know the freedom I’d felt when I was with him. To smell him. To have him say just one nice thing to me that I really beli
eved. And it wasn’t because I hated Evan or my dad or even Jr and I was going to leave for good and start some scandalous affair with my former student. That was ridiculous. I just wanted to feel something else inside for a little while. To get away. For me and for May.
When I turned into the lot at Dreamland, the Bentley was parked and the driver, the same, short white man with jet-black hair who’d driven Dame and me to Dreamland the first time, was standing by the door, waiting to open it for me. Billie’s empty car was beside it, but I couldn’t see if she was in the Bentley because all of the curtains were pulled in place.
I waved at the driver and pulled my car beside Billie’s.
I pulled down the visor to see myself in the mirror.
“Okay, Journey,” I said to my red reflection. I was excited, but also nervous and it was literally evident on my face. “You’re just doing this to get over the Dame thing. It’s just a little crush. That’s it. You’re going to see him one last time and then move on with your life.”
I looked into my eyes in a pause to see a flash of agreement, something in my reflection that knew this was the right thing to do. I waited.
“What, you getting ready for Glamour Shots at the mall?” I heard Billie yell. I looked and she was standing with half of her body outside of the back of the Bentley. “Come on!”
“Okay,” I said, quickly flipping up the mirror. “I’m coming.”
I snatched my purse and hopped out of the car.
“Good evening, Ms. Cash,” the driver said as I walked up. He extended his arm toward me graciously and opened the door.
“Mrs. De—never mind.” I smiled and turned back to my car. Looking at the car was suddenly like looking at Evan’s love and just like that, all of the million reasons I needed to turn back set heavy on my heart. This wasn’t just crazy. It was really crazy. This was beyond rational. I knew better than this.
“We’ll need to leave now,” the driver said, “if we are to catch the show.”
“Yeah,” I replied, hearing Billie giggling inside the car.
“Mr. Mitchell is very excited that you’re coming,” he said then, and I could tell by his voice he knew I was considering turning around. “I’ve never seen him this excited about ... a woman.”