They agreed to walk to the shore behind the villa, where they could talk.
There was a cool breeze there from the water, but it still did little to contend with the heat that was emanating from the sand that had been baking all day.
“I know I sounded like a complete jerk. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, though,” Adan said, recalling his explanation to Zena about why he was supporting Alton and Zola’s wedding outside Madame Lucille’s Lace weeks before.
Now that Zena understood his predicament with Zola, his flimsy and seemingly selfish excuse sounded plausible.
“I wanted to tell you to mind your business, but I know you too well for that,” Adan said after he and Zena had a good laugh at her digging into him that day.
“I wasn’t that bad,” Zena said. “I was just looking out for my little sister.” She looked at Adan and said with clear sincerity, “And I’m glad you looked out for her when she needed you. I can’t imagine what she went through.”
“I was thankful I could be there. You know? I meant what I said earlier—she’s like my sister. I don’t want to ever see her in pain. And she did take the miscarriage pretty hard. The only thing that seemed to give her hope was the idea of someday marrying Alton and actually having a baby.”
“So, that’s how you all came up with the wedding?”
Adan answered, “Felt like a step in the right direction. We all know where those two are headed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people who love one another more than them.”
There was an awkward pause and step as the word love settled between Adan and Zena. It was clear there was something more they needed to discuss that they just couldn’t. This was where they were comfortable—talking about other people and their love, but not what they’d had. Maybe that would be too much or too forward. Maybe it would break something in the new connection they might be forging. Both wondered this in step and in silence, but then Adan just stopped walking and looked up at the moon with a certain fire that gave Zena hope he might break that silence. Remembering everything Zola had told her at the infirmary, she was ready to hear something then. She was ready to tell her truth. She wasn’t over Adan. She hadn’t ever gotten over him or how it ended. She turned to look at the moon, too.
“You remember that day?” Adan asked in a question with little detail, but still Zena knew his point of reference.
“The corner of Sassafras Street and Blue Stone Road,” Zena announced.
“Someone else had to see it,” Adan said, still transfixed on the glowy moon in Bali. “Never made sense to me that we were the only ones. I asked everyone, though. No one knew what I was talking about.”
“A celestial event.” Zena had been standing behind Adan in the sand, but she stepped beside him when she said this.
“An eclipse for two,” Adan repeated their science teacher Mr. Palabas’s explanation of their spectacular view of the sky’s magic.
Zena didn’t know what to say to that. She thought she could simply nod in agreement, but then that felt wrong, so she just stood there staring at the moon with Adan.
After a while, he said, “Zena, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much that sometimes I felt like it was going to kill me. That’s how bad it ached.”
Zena heard Adan’s breathing quicken as if he’d just dropped something heavy from his arms.
“I had to say that,” he said, and then he took another deep breath. “I had to say it.” He turned to Zena and looked at her profile.
“Don’t!” Zena ordered when she felt he was about to speak again. Tears were already streaming down to her chin. She didn’t know what she was afraid of hearing, what she didn’t want to hear. But with those words from Adan, she felt in her heart that same aching he was describing. She knew it well, too. The feeling of being apart. The feeling of being without him had been too much on too many days. And right then, recalling it all was like pouring salt on those injuries.
“I have to,” Adan said. “I have to say it all. And I know you don’t want me to respond to what you said earlier, but I have to. I have to tell you that I should’ve been there for you. Your heart was my responsibility. I knew you needed me. And I was a fool for leaving you.”
“But we were just kids. You were right. We needed to go out into the world. And follow our dreams,” Zena said with Adan’s old words in her mouth.
“No. We were kids who were lucky enough to have found our dreams in each other. I know that now. I’ve spent my whole adult life paying for not seeing that. That’s why I couldn’t get married. I called it off because I realized I was just making up for not having you. I was just pretending that everything was great, but it never would be. Not if you weren’t there.”
Adan went to stand between Zena and her locked view on the moon.
She closed her eyes to avoid his presence.
“Look at me,” he said softly.
Tears continued to escape from her closed eyes.
“No,” Zena uttered.
“Look at me!” Adan began to wipe Zena’s tears and slid his hand beneath her chin. “Please, just see me.”
He lifted her head, and Zena slowly o