‘What? Ow!’ She twisted her head sharply, causing the comb to snag on another tangle. ‘If that was the whole story, it wasn’t a very good one.’
‘Alas, the life of a skald... Everyone has an opinion.’
‘Tell me a proper story this time or...’ She pursed her lips, trying to think of a punishment. ‘Or I won’t let you comb my hair any more.’
‘Ah, well, in that case...’ He was quiet for a few moments, thinking while the comb continued to skim through her hair, the strokes becoming longer and surer as the tangles unravelled.
‘All right, I have one. There was once a woman who lived on her own in the forest. People were afraid of her because they didn’t know who she was or where she’d come from. Some of them thought she was a ghost. Her heart had been broken once, but it was still a good heart, a caring one. She helped people when they were hurt and healed them when they were sick, though she never breathed as much as a word. Then one day a warrior came. His heart was broken, too, but it wasn’t such a good heart. He’d done bad things in his past, but she healed him anyway. She made him feel hopeful again.’ She felt him lean closer, whispering the final words in her ear. ‘For which he was very grateful, even if he didn’t deserve it.’
She swallowed, the skin on her neck tingling as his breath warmed it. ‘Everyone deserves a second chance.’
‘What about a third or fourth one?’ He put the comb aside and moved around in front of her, crouching down so their eyes were level. ‘Maybe some of us have used up all our chances. Maybe I used mine up even before the massacre. Maybe I’ve done too much to be forgiven. Some days it feels like too much. Sometimes I actually wish I was still the shallow man I used to be. Then maybe I could forget, but I can’t. That’s why I need to fulfil my oath. Until I do that, I’m trapped by the consequences of who I was.’
‘You mean because of all your women?’ she couldn’t stop herself from asking. ‘Did you really behave so badly?’
‘Worse than that.’
‘Just to entertain your father? To get his attention?’
‘Not just, no. As much as I’d like to blame him entirely, I enjoyed being the irresponsible joker of the family. It made me stand out. I enjoyed being the Jarl’s son, too. It had advantages.’
‘You didn’t love any of your women, then?’
He shook his head. ‘I thought love was for fools. I saw what it did to my mother. I was always determined not to end up the same way.’
‘But weren’t you angry about that? Weren’t you furious at your father for the way he treated her?’
His jaw tightened. ‘It’s complicated. When I was younger I didn’t really understand what had happened between them, but as I grew up...yes, I was angry at him. I still am.’
‘Did you ever tell him?’
‘No. He wasn’t the kind of man you could tell things to. Or maybe I was afraid he would banish me if I dared to criticise him. I already felt as if Rurik and I didn’t belong. I didn’t want us to lose what position we had. Maybe I was afraid of being cast out and left all alone. Or maybe I was just a shallow good-for-nothing and I chose not to think about it. Either way, what kind of man does that make me? To crave attention from the man who ruined my mother’s life?’
‘A young and foolish one, perhaps? You were only a boy when your mother died and he was still your father. Maybe you just wanted a place to belong and be loved. All children want that, don’t they?’
‘Adults, too.’
Her gaze flickered. ‘You just said you thought love was for fools.’
‘I also said I was a shallow good-for-nothing back then. I’ve learned a few things over
the past three years. I can’t make excuses for my behaviour, but I know I’m not that man any more. A place to belong and be loved is all I want now. Maybe it was all I ever wanted, deep down.’
She hesitated, gazing into his eyes for the space of half a dozen heartbeats. ‘It sounds like all we might want, but adults know life isn’t so simple. You know my parents used to sit outside our house on evenings like this. They wouldn’t talk. They would just sit and look at the view, resting after the day’s work. I used to sit with them, at their feet. Those were perfect moments. Moments of love and peace and beauty. I remember being happy. But it was all an illusion. It was all taken away in a few minutes.’
‘It doesn’t mean that those moments weren’t real. Love and peace and beauty all still exist. There are good people in the world as well as bad ones. You can be happy again.’
She bit her lip and looked out towards the sea. ‘I’m better off on my own. Safer.’
‘Safety isn’t happiness.’
‘No, but it’s important.’
‘Sissa...’ He dipped his head as if he agreed with her, though when he looked up again, the look in his eyes took her breath away. ‘You might be right, but maybe we both deserve a second chance. I might not be worthy of one, but I want to be. I don’t know if it will be possible, or how long it will take, but if I survive to fulfil my oath to my brothers then I’d like to come back here, to you, if you’ll have me?’
‘You mean...as a mate?’
‘As whatever you want.’