Troubled, she studied him. He’d won, but she conceded very much against her better judgment. All the barriers to an affair with Silas remained—except that when he stood here like this, loving her and desperate, those barriers didn’t seem nearly as impassable. “It’s a request for you to make the decision.”
“That’s like asking the mouse to take charge of the key to the cheese cupboard.”
She made a frustrated sound. “God give me strength. You’re so annoying. After behaving like a complete scoundrel, now you discover your honor. You’re not proving a convenient lover, Silas.”
Regretfully he stared back. “I have to agree.” He studied her as if he read every fear lurking in her heart. “But I want you to be sure.”
Genuine confusion flooded her. “How can I be sure?”
He reached toward her face, but stopped before making contact. “Tell me what you’re afraid of.”
She abandoned pride. “I’m afraid if we do this, you won’t be my friend anymore.”
“I’ll always be on your side, whatever happens.”
“Even if I take another lover?”
Something dark and primitive moved in his hazel eyes, but his voice remained steady. “I can’t lie and say I’ll like that. I vow I’ll make you so happy that you’ll never think of leaving. But my love isn’t a prison. You’re free to choose what you do.”
Deep within Caroline, a delicate seedling of hope unfurled toward the sun. Could she do this? Was Silas the one man in a million who could want a woman without caging her?
“What else are you afraid of?” he asked softly.
“That you’ll want more of me than I’m willing to give.”
He shrugged, the gesture so characteristic that her heart somersaulted with love. “I swear on everything I hold holy that I respect your sovereign soul. I’ll take what you give and I won’t badger you for more. Nor will I throw jealous tantrums, although after my recent behavior, you might find that hard to believe.”
She regarded him doubtfully. “So no jealousy?”
His smile was crooked. “I can’t promise that, but if the circumstances arise, I’ll deal with it. I’m merely human. Let’s make a pact. If I behave like a grumpy, possessive brute, you have the right to terminate our arrangement without a word of apology. I’ll put that in writing if necessary.”
“I trust your word.” Despite all his devious antics to bring her to this pass, she did.
“Good. What else?”
This was the most difficult issue. “I’m afraid that I’ll want more of you than you’re willing to give me.”
His smile was gentle and at last he completed the caress, cupping her jaw with a tenderness that melted her bones. “Trust me. Trust yourself. We’ll come through.”
Uncertainly she met his eyes, more gold than green in the candlelight. She wanted to trust him. Oh, how she wanted to. But her freedom was too dearly won to surrender easily.
“One night,” she whispered, even as she leaned into his hand.
She waited for an argument, but after a pause, he nodded briefly. “One night.”
“Just one,” she said, surprised he accepted the limits she placed on their affair.
“One night,” he repeated in seeming agreement. He looked as if he made an eternal vow. Before she could question the emphasis he placed on the first word, he went on. “Let me show you what joy a lover can bring you.”
Accepting his offer was utterly terrifying, like crossing a gaping chasm. She spanned it with one step and went eagerly into Silas’s arms.
She might call herself a dashing widow, but when she linked her hands around his neck, she felt as flustered and excited as an untried girl. “Kiss me, Silas.”
Chapter Nine
Because rushing seemed like blasphemy on this strangely sacred occasion, Silas slowly bent his head and placed his lips on Caroline’s in a kiss that was almost chaste. At last she’d consented. He’d been so sure this moment would never come.
Her lushly curved body rested against his before she strained up to deepen the contact. Teasing her, he brushed his lips across hers again and again.