She could imagine how memories of his childhood had overwhelmed him when he’d found the ship. Memories of his childhood, and his forsaken dreams of a brilliant naval career. “I worried...I worried perhaps you had a problem with Kerenza.”
“No. She’s absolutely delightful.” He slid his hand down and linked his fingers with hers. “Just like her mother.”
He spoke more naturally, but she didn’t fool herself that he was anywhere near ready to come downstairs. At least he no longer clung to her like a drowning man snatched at flotsam to save himself from sinking.
“That’s odd.” Gently she squeezed his hand. “In my opinion, she’s just like you.”
“In looks, perhaps, although I think she’s most like Helena. But her brightness and her joy are yours, all yours.”
Absurdly she found herself blushing. “Thank you.”
“It’s...”
She finished his sentence when she realized he couldn’t. “It’s all been overwhelming.”
His fingers flexed against hers. “Yes,” he admitted in a muffled voice. “The change in my circumstances has left me staggering. It’s only weeks since I was locked up, awaiting execution.”
Horror rippled through her. He hadn’t mentioned that before. She was more certain than ever that he’d kept the worst of his ordeal to himself to protect people’s feelings. “It’s too soon for you to feel safe.”
His free hand made a sweeping gesture. “Coming home has been like entering a mythical kingdom. None of it feels real. None of it, except you. And now Kerenza.” He made an impatient sound deep in his throat. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try.”
He paused, then went on in a low voice. “I’ve spent five years freezing cold or boiling hot. I’ve never been clean, or at ease, or dressed in anything but rags. I never had enough to eat, and I was always in pain from a beating.”
His hand clenched on hers to the point of discomfort, and she bit her lip to stifle a protest. Sour bile rose in her throat as she thought about his captivity. Yet she didn’t dare speak, in case he stopped. In the cold light of day, she’d never get him to confess so much.
“Then I come home to a loving family and every comfort. It feels insubstantial, like it could all be ripped away in a heartbeat. It feels…wrong.”
She licked dry lips. “Give yourself time.”
“I know. But I can’t feel I deserve all the blessings that...” His voice cracked and faded.
Unable to stop herself, although she didn’t know whether he wanted her comfort, Morwenna leaned forward to run her hand down his cheek. The tender caress said all the things words couldn’t. His beard prickled under her touch.
“Of course you do.” Her heart threatened to crack. She loved him so much. If only she could make him see himself the way she saw him. As someone strong and brave and resilient, despite all the damage the world had tried to do to him. “You deserve everything marvelous that heaven can grant. Don’t you know that?”
“No. No, I don’t think I do,” he said in a dull tone. He went on before she could gather an argument. “It’s like every nightmare has turned into a dream come true. I’m back with my loving family. I have a chance at a useful, happy life. I have a daughter who makes me so proud, I’m ready to burst.”
Warm moisture soaked the fingertips that lay against his face, and she was desperately glad that she’d shifted the candle away. These tears would help to heal him, but he hadn’t yet abandoned his pride, despite this aching vulnerability. He’d hate to break down in front of her like this.
He went on in a whisper. “I have a wife who says she loves me.”
For a moment, the words hung in the air, as if written in fire on the shadows. He had heard and understood her. She hadn’t been sure.
Where did this leave them? She noticed he wasn’t rushing to tell her he loved her in return. She lifted her hand away from his face. “Do you doubt it?”
“I did. I don’t anymore.”
“I know how it looked with Garson...”
He made a sweeping gesture. “It’s forgotten. I know how you grieved. I’ll never forgive myself for causing you such pain.”
She summoned a smile, although she doubted that he could see it. “Yes, I was wretched without you. But you’ve also given me so much joy.”
“Kerenza.”
“Kerenza, of course. But just you. I wondered if I’d mistaken how alive you make me feel. But I hadn’t.” She paused, and spoke the words that had been true from the moment she first saw him. “I love you, Robert. Forever.”