He scowled at her. “And got a right royal fucking in return.”
She jerked her head up and stared at him. He sucked in a shuddering breath, ignoring the shock on her face. His tone bit. “I hope you’re pleased with yourself, madam.”
With a movement that shot another jolt of arousal through him, she shook back her untidy tumble of hair. A smile curved her lush pink lips. Lips which to his shame he hadn’t kissed, even as he’d slammed into her like a hammer.
“Of course I’m pleased with myself. I drove my husband wild with desire.”
He jackknifed onto his knees. If the habit of keeping his hands to himself weren’t so ingrained, he’d shake her until her teeth rattled. “What the devil…”
Her smile faded. “Gideon, you touched me.”
“Blast you, Charis, I did more than touch you. You deserve better.”
She grabbed his arm. “I don’t care what I deserve. I want you. However I can get you.” The smile reappeared. “And it was exciting.”
“Exciting?” He had trouble speaking. He felt like he’d entered a new universe, where nothing from the old one made sense.
“Of course it was exciting,” she said urgently. “You looked as if you’d die unless you touched me. You’ll do better next time.”
“Are you sure there will be a next time?”
“I’ve discovered your weakness.” Satisfaction warmed her voice. “When I’m naked, you’re powerless.”
The problem was the witch was right. Even now his cock stirred with interest.
She still regarded him with that faint enigmatic smile. “To think I ever doubted you wanted me.”
Foolish woman. He gave an unamused laugh. “I always want you. Damn it, Charis, I’m in love with you.”
Seventeen
Aghast, Gideon stiffened. Bloody, bloody, bloody hell. Why in the name of all that was holy did I say that? He’d give his left arm to take back the words. But it was too late.
Violently, he tugged away from Charis and surged to his feet. He stalked across to scoop the discarded nightdress from the floor. With an angry gesture, he tossed it across the end of the bed.
He should have kept his blasted mouth shut. But the wild, uncontrolled sex had broken some barrier within him. The declaration he’d fought back for so long had surged up unstoppable as a king tide.
She started as if emerging from a daze. “You love me,” she whispered.
She stared at him with huge, shining eyes. Her lips parted. She looked so happy, he couldn’t bear it. Clearly the damage was done, and there was no point in telling her he’d lied. Although it would be better for both of them if she believed he had.
The harsh facts that put a life with her completely out of reach hadn’t changed, for all that every cell of his body ached with love for her. One bout of desperate passion didn’t change the cruel reality of his existence. He wasn’t a normal man. He’d never be a normal man. And if she pledged herself to him now, one day she’d regret that commitment.
He couldn’t bear to contemplate her love turning to hatred and disgust when she realized just what she’d sacrificed by walling herself away with her half-insane wreck of a husband. Her best chance of happiness was to establish a future far away from Gideon and his demons. But he could see what he’d just said made it less likely than ever that he’d convince her of that incontrovertible truth anytime soon.
Again, he cursed the impetuous declaration that forever changed the landscape between him and his beautiful, misguided wife.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said with a carelessness that even in his own ears sounded false.
A tiny frown line appeared between her brows. “Oh, Gideon.” She spoke his name with such deep compassion, he tensed with fuming resentment. He couldn’t endure her pity.
So he didn’t have to look at her, glowing, irresistible, he struggle
d to concentrate on doing up his trousers. His gloved hands shook so much that he fumbled hopelessly with the fastenings. It was like being in the grip of his affliction, except he trembled now not because he’d touched her but because he so badly wanted to.
During those dazzling moments in her arms, his world had come right. He could offer her a lifetime of misery while she was his only hope of happiness. That was his eternal burden. He couldn’t make her share it.
“I’ll ring for hot water,” he said with a studied neutrality that cost him more than he wanted to admit. At last he managed to close his trousers. “You’ll want to wash.”