She put a hand to his chest. He wasn’t certain if she was going to pull him closer or push him away. “I’m not just saying that. This afternoon I fell asleep and had a nightmare about Crusher.”
He nodded. “I know, love. You want to be near me because you’re afraid. But your fear will fade and then you’ll be stuck with me.”
She shook her head, pulling him closer. “I want to be stuck with you. What made me afraid in the dream was that you kept getting further and further away from me. The harder I tried to pull you closer, the more distance grew between us.” She drew in a breath. “I love you and so I am going to let you go.” Her palms spread out on his jacket.
“Let me go?” He tightened his hands on her waist. Did she actually love him? Was it just her fear speaking for her? “But your father. He—”
“Let me worry about him.” She patted his chest with her palm. “Though, you might consider leaving London for a while.” She bit her lip. “But I will not tie you to me just because you rescued me. I don’t think either of us will be happy then.”
His heart was racing in his chest. “Why wouldn’t you be happy?”
Her gaze cast down to the floor. “I told you. I love you. I can’t be married to you knowing how I feel and understanding that you don’t feel the same. That I am just an obligation to you.”
Words crowded in his mouth but they stuck there, not coming out. She was letting him go because she loved him. Did she really feel that way or was it just his protection she craved?
“For crying out loud, would you kiss her already?” Exile groaned from next to him. “You’ve left the poor girl hanging.”
Chapter Fourteen
Grace resisted the urge to nibble at her lip as tension built inside her. She gripped his shirt tighter as he opened his mouth. “Just so we’re clear. You think you love me?”
Her fingers loosened in his shirt and she gave him a tiny push. “No, that’s not what I said.”
He shook his head, his features tense. “Grace. Love. I know that you feel an attachment to me now, but I also know that there are better men out there.” Ones that were worthy of her love. Hell, not even his own family had loved him. They hadn’t cared enough to pull him from the streets. Why should Grace be any different?
She gave his chest a light smack. “You weren’t listening to me. I told you. It wasn’t Crusher I was afraid of in my dream, it was losing you.” Then she smacked at his chest again, this time harder. “I love you despite the fact that you are annoyingly hardheaded and unwillingly to see what is right in front of your face.”
The men around them chuckled and someone called. “She’s got you there.”
He smiled too. “Try to understand. No one in my entire life has actually loved me. At least not that I can remember. Even if I knew how, I always assumed that no one had ever cared because I wasn’t worth caring for.”
Grace’s heart roared in her ears. His comments about being a street urchin rang through her thoughts. All this time, she’d thought that she wasn’t good enough but he felt that way about himself too.
Pushing up on her toes, she touched the tip of her nose to his, her fingers gliding up the collar of his shirt to his exposed neck. “Not good enough?” Her breath caught as she tilted her chin to better gaze into his eyes. “You are the best man I’ve ever met in my life. I can only hope to make myself worthy of your affection.”
“For Christ’s sake,” Darlington groaned. “You’re a big giant oaf.”
A shadow of a grin turned Ben’s lips up. “Make yourself worthy?” Then he leaned in and softly kissed her lips. The touch so gentle, she ached with need. “You, my lovely Grace, are my queen. I’ll have to throw myself at your feet daily and beg you to love me.”
Then, before she could respond and tell him that was hardly necessary, he kissed her again. This time it wasn’t gentle, this time the press of his mouth demanded passion and she met his need with all her own.
She forgot about the men around her, the fact that her parents could arrive at any moment, the details of their engagement or lack thereof. All she could feel was him and she never wanted this kiss to end.
But all too soon, he lifted his head and cupping her face in his hands, whispered in her ear. “We’re still meeting at the gate at midnight.”
“Yes,” she replied, though it hadn’t really been a question.
“And tonight, we’ll announce our intentions to marry.” He kissed her cheek, brushing back a strand of her hair.
She nodded, joy bursting inside her. But then he did something she hadn’t expected. Dropping to one knee, he slid his hands down her arms, grasping her gloved fingers in his own. “Grace.” His voice had risen, echoing about the entry.
She heard a gasp from above and looked up to see her mother and sister s
tanding above. How long had they been there?
“Yes?” she said just above a breathy whisper.
He gave her fingers a squeeze before he let them go to reach into his pocket. From the inside of his coat he pulled a small silk satchel and slid open the string. Tipping the bag, a ring toppled onto the palm of his hand.