Jesus, a cop. “Oh, Officer, I’m just waiting for a friend,” Stone said, scrambling around in his sleepy mind for a story.
“You been here half hour, pal,” the cop said. “Let’s see your license and registration.”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” Stone said, “there’s somebody in there with my wife, and I mean to find out who it is. She thinks I’m in Chicago on business.” This was fairly close to the truth.
The cop shook his head. “Listen, pal, let me give you some advice. Go to Chicago, and forget about it, then come back and forgive her. You don’t want to know who the guy is.”
“I’m not breaking any laws, am I – parked outside my own house?” Stone tried to sound annoyed.
“I guess not,” the cop said. “I won’t wish you luck, though.” He turned and waded away through the snow.
Stone took a few deep breaths of fresh air before he raised the window. He looked
at his watch: ten past midnight. Teddy had been in there less than an hour. He arranged himself again and settled down to wait, switching on the windshield wipers to clear the snow. As he did, Teddy walked out of the apartment building and started toward the car. He didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry.
“Get in, and let’s get out of here,” Stone said, opening the door for him.
“No hurry,” Teddy said. “Nobody’s going to be following me. Not for a while, anyway.”
“Tell me what happened,” Stone said, guiding the Jeepster up the block through the deep snow.
“You can hear pretty good with a glass against the wall, you know.”
“So what did you hear?”
“I heard the music for a while, and their voices, and then I heard the voices move away, so I figure they’d gone to the bedroom.” He shifted in his seat to get comfortable. “Now, there are two ways you can do this,” he said. “One, you can wait for them to go to sleep and then wake them up. That’s good enough, really; I mean, you got them in bed together, right? But the best way is to catch them doing the actual horizontal bunny hop. That way, there’s no talking their way out of it.”
“So, what happened?”
“You can hear pretty good with a glass against the wall,” Teddy said again, maddeningly. “I could hear them talking over the music. I reckoned they were sitting in front of the fireplace. But then I heard them move away, so I figure they’re headed for the bedroom, right?”
“And?”
“I was right. That’s where they were going. So I wait, maybe three minutes, and I go in.”
Stone’s heart was in his mouth. “Teddy, for Christ’s sake, tell me what happened.”
“I’m telling you, Stone; just be patient. Anyway, I leave the camera case and my shoes outside the door, I unscrew the bulb in the vestibule, and I go in real easylike with my key, and, right from the front door, I can hear them going at it, you know?”
“Teddy, spit it out. Did you get the shot we need?”
“So, what I do is, I switch on the camera, but not the light, so I’m recording sound, right?”
“All right, Teddy, go on, give me the gory details.”
“Then I tippy-toe to the bedroom door, and there they are in the moonlight. I think it’s probably good enough without the light.”
Stone was alarmed. “You didn’t use the light?”
“So I run a few feet with just the moonlight. The lady’s on top, she’s really taking a ride on the guy, you know? And they’re building up to it. Both of them are sounding like something at the zoo, no kidding. So, I’m grinding away in the moonlight, and they’re grinding away in the bed, and I can tell things are coming to a head, so to speak, so I wait until just the right moment, when they’re both bellowing like seals, and I hit the light!” Teddy was sounding absolutely delighted with himself.
“Thank God you hit the light.” Stone breathed, his heart pounding.
“Now, tell me, Stone, what’s your first reaction, somebody suddenly shines a bright light on you?”
“Oh, shit,” Stone said. “I’d throw up a hand to shield my eyes. You didn’t get their faces?”
“Stone,” Teddy said, sounding hurt, “you underestimate me.” He held up the water pistol. “That’s where this came in.”