She smiled before she hugged me back, moving into my chest for a real embrace.
I held her for the first time since I met her. We were never affectionate, hardly giving each other a handshake. This was a big deal—for both of us. “Please invite me to your wedding.”
“Of course, Crewe.” She was the first one to pull away, that softness in her eyes. “Good luck with everything.”
“Good luck to you too.”
She smiled and finally turned around and walked out the door.
The second she couldn’t see my face, I let my smile fall. I let the pain enter my chest, the paramount loss crippling me. Most of the people I was close to had passed away. There were a few people I considered family, like Finley. He’d been in my life for a long time. I saw Ariel in that same regard, and watching her walk away was more difficult than I expected it to be.
I tried to swallow the pain and pretend I didn’t care.
But I did care.
I hoped it would get easier in time, but I suspected it never would.
I’d just have to make my peace with it.
Work wasn’t enough to block out my thoughts. But I did manage to cut down on the scotch since London would smell it on my breath the second I walked through the door. I was in the mood to be alone, but I knew I couldn’t push her away—not like I did the other night.
She was finally back in my life, and I couldn’t take her for granted again. When I was with her, the pain didn’t seem so bad. At least I had someone to carry the burden with me rather than suffering alone.
It was a cold evening and the sun was gone, but I asked Dunbar to get the fire pit going so I could sit outside and watch the flames with a cup of hot tea.
Yes, I was drinking tea now. Tasted like shit.
I instructed Dimitri to fetch London for me—and to tell her to dress warmly.
She came out to the courtyard fifteen minutes later in jeans and a thick snow jacket. She took the seat beside me on the couch and pulled a blanket over both of us. “The fire looks nice.” Her tone suggested she recognized I was in a particularly bad mood. She treaded carefully, talking about things that had no real meaning.
“It does.”
“Are we gonna make some s’mores?”
“Some what?” I asked.
“S’mores,” she repeated. “You know, you roast the marshmallows over the fire and then put them between two graham crackers with a piece of chocolate.”
I’d visited America enough times to know most of their customs, but this one was lost on me. “Can’t say I do.”
“We’ll have to do it sometime. You’ll love it.”
I didn’t have a big sweet tooth, so I doubted it. But I didn’t mind doing something she enjoyed.
“So…something else happen with Ariel?”
“No.” I stared at the fire. “We ended on great terms.”
She continued to watch me, her face turned in my direction. “Then why do you seem so devastated?”
I rested my hands together on my lap, feeling the wool blanket underneath me. “Because I am devastated. We had a little exchange before she left…we hugged. She told me she was moving in with Cassandra. I asked her to invite me to her wedding…it was nice.”
Her hand moved to mine where she intertwined our fingers. “I’m sorry, Crewe. I really wish the two of you could have worked it out.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“There’s nothing I can do?”
I squeezed her hand. “No. It’s difficult to lose her, but losing you would be far worse.” I brought her hand to my mouth and gently kissed her knuckles. I didn’t think it was fair that I had to choose between the two women to begin with, but I knew I made the right decision. London was essential for my happiness.
She gave my hand a squeeze. “You’re sweet…”
I lowered her hand to my lap and watched the fire in the stone fire pit. “It’ll take me a while to get over it, but one day I will. People come and go. That’s just how it is.”
“Unfortunately.”
I sank back into the chair and watched the flames with lazy eyes. The pain in my chest was constant, but it would disappear in time. After a full night of rest, I already feel better. I just needed to give it some time. And with London with me, things would get easier.
“Thanks for coming to me…and not going to a bar.” She moved into my side and rested her head on my shoulder.
“You’re much better company.”
She wrapped her arm around my waist then pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Only because I’m with you.”
12
London
I was crushed.
I hadn’t seen Crewe wear that expression too often. He downplayed his sadness over losing Ariel, but I could see the devastation in his eyes. His mood wasn’t just dark like it was when he was angry about something.