“You don’t have to say anything. But Crewe never laid a hand on me while I was his prisoner. He never took me against my will. The most he ever did was raise his voice when I annoyed him. Honestly, I was safer with him than anywhere else in the world. I know I shouldn’t feel anything for him, but it doesn’t change the fact that I do.”
“Well, I think you answered my question.”
“What question?” Talking about Crewe made me forget why we started talking about him in the first place.
“That you love him.”
It was hard for me to focus at work on Monday. I worked in the emergency room and helped out the physicians with patients with moderate illnesses. I had a lot of patients with pneumonia and one or two diagnosed with sepsis. The weather was changing in New York, and people were catching colds left and right.
I filled out chart after chart, and during my downtime, Crewe came back to my mind.
Did I love him?
I’d been so focused on playing him that I didn’t realize how much my feelings had developed. I just assumed it was lust because the sex was good and he was handsome as hell. I didn’t think anything more serious could develop under the circumstances.
But clearly, it had.
I’d been in New York for over a month, but I wasn’t happy at all.
I was just miserable.
The only place I wanted to be was in that castle with that scotch-drinking man. I missed the bed I used to share with him. I missed the courtyard with all the roses. I missed the way he kissed my hairline when he was being particularly affectionate.
I missed everything.
When I got off work, I met Joseph for coffee because he was still in town. Since he was all I had, I felt obligated to tell him what my plans were. He was the closest thing I had to a best friend too, despite what he did to Crewe.
“What’s up?” He carried his venti coffee to the table and sat down.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…”
“That’s never good.” He sipped his coffee, wearing a black leather jacket with a gray t-shirt underneath. He definitely didn’t look like an insurance salesman.
“I think I’m going to go to Scotland.”
He gripped his coffee on the table and stilled like a statue. “What?”
“They have an open position in Edinburgh at the embassy. And while I’m there, I can talk to Crewe about everything—”
“You’re going back to Scotland to tell Crewe you want to get back together?” he asked incredulously.
“I guess.” I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to apologize for being responsible for the death of his men, for being the reason he was shot. I wanted to feel him in my arms and know he was okay. I hadn’t stopped thinking about it, having nightmares about it.
Joseph shook his head. “I know bossing you around is a waste of time, but don’t bother.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you think Crewe is gonna welcome you back with open arms, think again.”
“I doubt it’ll be with open arms, but—”
“And he might kill you.”
That was one thing I knew for certain would never happen. Even when he was bleeding out onto the floor, he cooperated with Ariel to protect me. I was the reason why he was shot, but he still put me first.
I knew he really loved me.
“He wouldn’t hurt me,” I said with confidence. “I don’t know how he’ll react, but it won’t be violently.”
“Even if you’re right, he’ll never take you back. You embarrassed him, lied to him, and humiliated him in front of all of his men. If the past has taught you anything, it’s that Crewe always gets even. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t forgive you for what you did and move on.”
“It’s not like he’s so innocent.”
He chuckled. “Trust me, he doesn’t see it like that.”
His warning didn’t change anything. If I didn’t speak to Crewe and at least make an attempt, I would think about it forever. I would live in regret for not knowing what could have happened. “I’m going to do it anyway and hope for the best.”
Joseph didn’t hide his look of disappointment. His enemy captured me as payback, and now I wanted to go back to him. It was something he couldn’t wrap his brain around. “You want me to go with you?”
“No,” I blurted. “That’ll just make it hostile. I have to go alone.”
“Are you sure?” he pressed. “I can wait by the road. Who knows what his men will do to you.”
“They won’t hurt me.” Crewe made his orders very clear. Even when he didn’t owe me anything, he still looked after me.
“How can you be so sure?”
If I loved Crewe after everything he put me through, then he still loved me. That was something I believed. “I just am.”