“I wanted to—” I start.
“I ran into—” she says at the same time.
“Go ahead,” I say.
She hesitates, then says, “I ran into Bri in town.”
I wait.
“Man, what a shitty week it’s been. First whatever the hell is going on with you, then all these problems in town, and my parents. Fuck me. I want to go back to bed and wake up next year.”
“What problems in town?” That seemed like the lesser of all noted evils.
“It’s not important.”
“It is to me, especially if I can do something about it.”
“You’re not going to change people’s perception of me, and maybe I don’t deserve it anyway. After talking to Bri, I realized that I hurt you more than I was willing to admit to myself, and I don’t think the animosity from the people in town is just because of the property or Grandpa. I think it’s equally attributed to the way I left you.”
I blow out a breath. “I never thought of it like that.”
But all sorts of comments from the past roll back in and take on new meaning. The women who told me I couldn’t fall in love with them because I was still in love with Laiyla. The rumors around town that I was a commitment-phobe. The way everyone doubted any new relationship I was in and warned women not to fall for me.
And, yeah, I heard the whispers behind my back, maybe even self-perpetuated the theories by proving everyone right. I hadn’t been trying to, but in the end, I guess I had.
“Other people saw how much I hurt you,” she says, “and in a town like this, there’s going to be resentment, worsened, no doubt, by the fact that I’m an outsider, and you’re a home-grown staple. I could shower the town in cash right now, and they’d still resent me.”
Her gaze returns to the pool below. “I honestly didn’t know how deeply I hurt you until today. Of course, I knew the breakup hurt both of us. I missed you for a long damn time, but I wasn’t your first girlfriend, and I knew I wouldn’t be your last. I guess I just expected you to rebound. I know you loved me, but as I got older, I saw it as puppy love and convinced myself you probably barely remembered my name. Maybe it eased my guilt over leaving.”
She’s making me think about things that bend my brain and grip my heart after a decade of hiding everything. And fuck, they hurt.
“So, as for what happened on the boat—” she starts.
I press my fingers to her lips. “What happened on the boat was all me, so don’t apologize.” I pull my fingers from her lips, and she winds her hand around mine. “It’s hard for me to explain what happened. I’m still trying to figure it all out myself, but I want you to know I wasn’t trying to be an asshole. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Somewhere between the lust-driven start and the emotional finish, I found something broken inside me. I shut down, and I didn’t know how to open back up again.”
When I look at her again, tears are sliding down her cheeks. I take her face in my hands and kiss her, sipping up the salty taste, my lips finding their way to hers. The last week without touching her has been a fucking eternity, and the way she kisses me back strikes a match, setting me on fire. I force myself to put on the brakes and pull away.
“I’m sorry,” she says, little more than a whisper. “I’m sorry I was so weak. That I couldn’t go against my parents. Even with Grandpa’s support, I wasn’t strong enough. And I regret it in so many ways. You’re an amazing man, and you should have an amazing wife, amazing kids. I’m so sorry if I derailed that for you.”
Oh man, that hurts to hear, because I do want an amazing wife and amazing kids. But in my heart, she is that amazing woman and it’s our amazing kids. “Laiyla, are you really only here to fix up the marina and sell? Are you really planning on going back to LA?”
She lifts her head, and I see confusion in her wet eyes. “I… It’s…” She rolls her eyes to the rock roof and blinks several times. “I don’t even know anymore.”
“Thing is, Laiyla, I’ve been away. It was a great experience, and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but this is where I belong now. I would have followed you anywhere twelve years ago, but now my focus is on my family. I want to be here to watch my nieces and nephews grow up. I’m thirty-two, and I want a family someday while I’m still young enough to play with my kids.”
I realize as I say this that there is a very real possibility that while Laiyla may be my One, I may not be hers. And in that split second, I see my past as my future. I see myself choosing the best option out of the women I date to marry. To have children with. And the idea of living the rest of my life with my second choice is just too painful to comprehend.
“Here’s the truth,” I tell her. “I’m not looking for two years. With you, I’ve never been able to think short-term. With you, it’s always been forever. So if you really think you couldn’t find a way to live here and be happy, then we have to stop everything right here. I don’t have two years to spend with you if you already know it will never be more than that.”
14
Laiyla
“Well, shit. No pressure.” I rub my hand over a damp, heated forehead. “Seriously, you’ve just given me the worst ultimatum ever.”
“Damn.” He closes his eyes. “I mean…” He shakes his head. “I’m not saying things very well.”
“Just the opposite. You’re very clear. The problem is you just basically told me it’s all or nothing.” My ribs feel too small, and my heart is pounding against them like a hammer. It hurts like hell, and I can’t seem to get enough air. “That’s so unfair. I haven’t seen you in twelve years. I’m back for three weeks, and you’re giving me this forever-or-it’s-over choice. You’d never force someone you’re dating to make that kind of decision after three weeks.”