Going Under (Wildfire Lake 2)

“This one might stick in your memory. I sort of, kind of, I mean, I overstepped. But, man, it really felt like the right thing to do in the moment. And I was just beside myself with anger and fear and—”

I step toward her and take her biceps. “Kat.” When she stops and focuses, I say, “It’s okay. Just tell me.”

She explains how she was working in the market and came out to find Jazz on the dock, alone. From that moment on, my muscles coil tighter with every sentence that comes out of her mouth.

“I mean”—she’s not looking me in the eye, and her hands are busy gesturing—“when I heard her voice, I recognized it right away, you know? And I swear I felt a bug crawl up my spine.”

This isn’t the confident KT I know. This is a vulnerable side she clearly doesn’t know what to do with.

“Then I went out, and she’s standing there all alone, small and bewildered and innocent, and I instantly start running disaster scenarios in my head before I even reach her. My mind is spinning a mile a minute because, sure, she may be a great swimmer, but add in hypothermia, and it doesn’t matter how good a swimmer you are.

“Then she told me how she ended up there, and I swear my heart detonated. I was so freaked out about her being so near that cold water unsupervised that I didn’t even think about the whole other layer of danger she was in by walking that far by herself.

“When I get here, Isabel’s all ‘It’s not my fault’ and ‘You’re not their mother,’ and I went off. I mean, I didn’t lose it, exactly. Everything I said and did was deliberate, and I can’t honestly say I’m sorry, which might make me a bad person, but I don’t even care if it does. I’m going to have nightmares about Jazz in that lake for months.”

“Baby,” I say, wrapping her in my arms and pulling her into me. “Breathe.”

But she’s not ready. She pushes away and angrily wipes at her face. At tears on her face. Which shocks me dumb. That is not something I ever thought I’d see.

“I fucking lit into her, Ben. I scared the shit out of her—on purpose—then I fucking fired her. I know it wasn’t my place, but I’m the one who found Jazz, and she was on our property, so, yeah, that kind of makes it my business. Just add me to the list of people who are allowed to pick the kids up from school, and I’ll take care of them when you’re at work, because I’m not going to be able to focus and get shit done when I don’t know where they are or what they’re doing. I can’t.” Her breathing stutters. “I really can’t—”

She covers her eyes and breaks into tears.

Crying is certainly not new to me, not at work or home, but seeing Kat cry feels like a hook in my heart, and I wrap her tight in my arms again even though she doesn’t hold me back. I talk sweet and quiet to her even though she can’t hear me through her sobs.

Her tears and her quick breaths are warm against my chest, and it takes a surprisingly long time for her to calm.

“I t-told them to go to their rooms so I could talk to Isabel a-alone, and I t-took her into the downstairs bedroom, but when we came out, the girls were all s-sitting on the s-stairs…”

She presses her forehead to my chest and starts crying again. “I mean, I sat them down a-after and told them w-why…but…”

“Shh, shh,” I say against her hair. “You’re getting yourself all worked up again. It’s over, Jazz is safe, you did the right thing. I’m not mad, I’m eternally grateful you were there for Jazz. I stopped using Isabel, but the new nanny called in sick right before I was due at work, and Isabel was the only person available at the last minute.”

She pulls away. “No more. You call me.”

“Okay. I’ll call you.” I wait to see how she reacts so I can figure out what to do next, because Kat clearly doesn’t even know what she needs. I lift my arms out to the sides. “Can I hug you now? I really need to hug you now.”

She huffs a sad laugh and walks straight into my arms. This time she hugs me back, her cheek against my chest.

“You’re amazing,” I murmur. “You don’t give yourself near the credit you deserve.”

She exhales and leans into me. “I thought you were going to be so pissed.”

“For putting the girls’ safety first?” I lean away and cup her face in both hands. The pain in her eyes makes my heart ache. “I will never be mad at you for taking care of them. Never.”

Her brow crunches, and her lips press together. She nods. “Can I say goodbye to them? I want to make sure they know I’m not mad at them, and they don’t have to be afraid of me getting mad at them.”

“I highly doubt they’re afraid of you.”

She pulls away, sniffles, and wipes her eyes. “You didn’t hear me filet Isabel.”

“Oh, I can imagine.” I take her hand and lead her toward the house. Before we get there, the girls come out, and they’re subdued. They look as unsure as I feel. Jazz is wearing a hoodie that hangs past her knees and can only be Kat’s.

“Hi, Daddy,” Jazz says, then blurts out, “I’m sorry I left the house.” Then she walks right past me and hugs Kat's legs. “I’m sorry I worried you, Kat.”

Kat drops into a crouch and hugs Jazz tight, pressing her face against her neck. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, baby.”

The sweet exchange steals my breath. Kat is a natural with my kids. All of them. She’s so damn real. A true breath of fresh air when it comes to the women I’ve dated since Jana passed.