Going Under (Wildfire Lake 2)

“I know,” Jazz says.

“I love you, cupcake.”

I’m not sure I heard that right until Jazz says, “Love you too.”

A vise wraps my heart. Longing swamps me. In moments like this, I miss having a partner so badly, and I know the girls miss having a mom. Not being able to give them everything they need hurts.

When Kat releases Jazz and stands, my daughter comes over to me, and I pick her up and give her a kiss. “You sure caused a lot of trouble for someone so small.”

I tickle her belly and get a little laugh out of her.

“Can Kat stay for dinner?” Violet asks.

I look at Kat, but she’s shaking her head.

“Not tonight, honey,” she says.

I put Jazz down and tell the girls to head inside, then turn to Kat. “Are you okay?”

She pulls in a breath and lets it out slowly. “I need a long hot shower and a good cry, and I’ll be fine.”

Someone who didn’t know her would think she seemed fragile in the moment. I know she’s anything but. “I’m sorry we’ve been causing you so much trouble.”

“You’re not.” She puts her hands on her hips. “I just…I don’t, you know, do kids well.”

“From where I’m standing, you handle them as well as I do.” I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Trust your instincts, baby. You’re amazing in so many ways.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you headed home? I can take you.”

“No, I need the walk.”

She turns, but I touch her arm. “Can I come by later?”

“I don’t want you to leave the girls.”

“Jackie’s coming over to help Violet with a project.”

Kat sighs. “I don’t know. This is starting to feel…heavy.”

“Best thing we can do is talk about it.”

“Fine. No guarantee what mood I’ll be in.”

“If I can handle their moods, I can certainly handle yours.”

She gives me a half smile and turns, walking toward the marina. I watch her go with a fresh wave of emotion coursing through my veins and filling my heart. I can’t seem to allow myself to admit how much I care about her, because logically, I know no one can fall in love in a month’s time. But damn, my heart hasn’t heard anything about that rule, and it’s pounding out of my chest with an emotion I can only describe as love. Something different than I’ve ever felt before. Different from what I had with Jana. Not better, not worse, just…so damn different. The idea that I could love two women so differently isn’t something I ever imagined.

Maybe it’s just a transference of sorts. Or maybe I’m confusing love and gratitude.

Then a memory floods my mind. One from our night together. That moment when all the passion was sated. When I usually want to put distance between myself and the other person again. When I expected Kat to want the same. Only we both just lay together, touching and kissing and talking and laughing. For hours.

The realization hits me like a blow. Holy fuck. I really am in love with her.

An icy tendril snakes through my chest and lands in my gut. It’s hard to imagine how this will ever work out considering her dreams and my responsibilities. Do I just enjoy her until she leaves, knowing she’s not in it for the long haul? Or do I end things now, before I’m head over heels?

I’m not sure one way would hurt any less than the other.