“Sometimes that’s the worst kind.”
With his arm around my shoulders, we head toward the marina, but I’ve still got a rock in my chest. “Have you eaten? Want to get dinner?”
“Dinner? Out alone, you and me?” He gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Girl, you’re breaking rules all over the damn place. Since I brought dinner to you, maybe we can break one of the other rules tonight.”
I smile, knowing the only two rules left are related to having sex and falling in love, and I know his mind is on the first. I’m also well aware that the latter would be difficult fo
r even one of us to attain, let alone both of us. “How’d you know I’d be hungry?”
“Because you’re always hungry. I’ve never met anyone who grazes like you do.”
I elbow him.
“And I saw the crew in town. They said you couldn’t go to dinner because you had a class.”
The crew encompasses Laiyla, Levi, Kat, Ben, and Ben’s daughters.
We turn onto my dock, and the spicy scent makes my mouth water. “Oh my God, that smells so good. What is it?”
“Thai.”
I gasp in pleasure and open the brown bag that rests on the patio table. “Mango sticky rice?”
“And that green thing you like.”
I look up and do a little prissy clap. “Green curry?”
He nods.
I playfully melt against him. “You certainly know the way to a woman’s heart.”
He sighs, his hand sliding over my hair. “If only.”
My mind fills with the memory of last night’s kiss. I spent half the night wondering if that kiss was a preview to how good he’d be in bed. Rumor has it, he’s unforgettable. And right now, still hurting over the failure of my last relationship because that man slept around, I remind myself that I don’t want to go down that road again. Especially not with one of my very best friends. Sex is a lot easier to find than friends like Xavier.
I pull away and pick up the bag while he takes my keys and opens the door.
“I was going to put the food inside, but I was pleased to find your door locked.” He holds the screen door open as I pass through and sets the food on the counter. “Want to talk about what happened back there?”
I sigh and give a one-shouldered shrug as I take the food containers from the bag and set them on the counter. “He’s seen the error of his ways. Or so he says.”
“You don’t believe him?”
“It’s irrelevant. I don’t love him anymore. Pain tends to taint even the most precious things in life.”
Xavier strips out of his uniform shirt, his body armor, and his duty belt, tossing them all on the futon while I pull out plates and utensils and dish up food.
I’m struck by the normalcy of the situation, by the level of comfort we share with each other. A pang of longing hits me. Just as I think I miss this, Xavier slides his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. The pang drops lower in my body and turns into a vicious pull.
Truth be told, I haven’t had a particularly difficult time with my celibacy for the last year. The only man who’s ever made me think about or want sex during that time is Xavier. That desire was so much easier to ignore when I could keep walls up between us.
His body feels utterly divine against mine. Big, strong, warm. The faint scent of his cologne or soap mixes with the unique scent of Xavier, making me hungry for something completely different from Thai.
But all I have to do is think about one of the many times I’ve seen him out with different women for my mind to shut off those thoughts.
“Then why are you melancholy?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Seeing him is just… It brings back all the pain. I guess I’m just mourning the love I thought we had.”