She was sitting at her desk with her back to him, elbows planted on the desktop, hands clasped near her mouth. “You lied.” She shook her head. “I can’t do lies.”
Now she only sounded half-tough. And half-shaky. “Baby, I didn’t lie.”
She cut a look over her shoulder.
“I swear I was going to tell you about her tonight at dinner.” He slid off his blazer and laid it on the bed, then moved to the corner and sat. With his forearms braced on his knees, he clasped his hands. “What’s really going on, Eden? This reaction is pretty extreme. I understand the initial fear that I might have been married, but once that was cleared up…”
“You first. Why wasn’t she the first thing you told me about? Why wasn’t she the only thing you talked about?”
The way she said it conveyed the message that Eden believed Lily should be the center of his world. He was glad to know they shared that value, but there was a big puzzle piece missing in the picture that made up Eden Kennedy.
“I’ve filed for full custody of Lily, and the hearing is coming up soon. Her mother hasn’t contested it so far, and I don’t want anything to change that, so I’m keeping Lily very under the radar until the hearing is over and custody is finalized.”
“Were you married?”
“No. Her mother was a woman I had a casual night with on the road when I was nobody, still making next to nothing. I was a stepping-stone on her way up the professional athlete chain to bigger, flashier stars. And I was fine with that.”
“Why isn’t she fighting you for custody?”
Beckett shook his head and looked at his hands. “Kim wants what a lot of women who chase after professional athletes want—money, fame, a lifestyle. Lily wasn’t planned, and a kid gets in the way of a lot of things. For Kim, Lily got in the way of finding a sugar daddy. She’s got herself a very rich football player right now. Taking Lily back would jeopardize all that.”
Eden’s expression compressed into agony, and she rubbed her eyes. “God, I hate people sometimes.”
Beckett got that. In her job, he could only imagine what she saw on a daily basis. “That’s not even the worst of it.”
“What does that mean?”
“I didn’t know Lily existed until she was almost two and a half, and Kim showed up on my doorstep looking for child support. When she thought I was nobody, there was no point in tracking me down. But after news got out that I’d signed a nice contract, she was all over me. I told her I wanted a paternity test, but one look at Lily, and I knew. She looked a lot like my nieces as babies. I told Kim I’d give her child support without lawyers if she gave me visitation. She was all too happy to hand Lily over to someone else. I learned later she did that a lot. For extended periods of time.
“By the time the paternity test came back, confirming Lily was my daughter, I was already head over heels in love with her. I filed for joint custody but had to fight Kim for it—not because she wanted Lily, but because she wanted my money. When Lily was almost four, Kim and I hit a rough patch with visitation. She kept making excuses why Lily couldn’t see me—playdates, birthday parties, vacation. I hadn’t seen her in a month when a stranger showed up at my door with Lily.”
Beckett would never forget that day. Never forget the sight of his daughter. Just the memory enraged him. “She was wearing torn, filthy clothes, had scrapes on her knees, hands, and face, knots all through her curls, a green runny nose and was coughing like a seal.”
“Shit,” Eden whispered and pressed her forehead to her hand.
“The woman who brought her turned out to be Kim’s aunt and told me Kim had dropped Lily off with her over three weeks before and vanished without a word since. When I took Lily to the doctor, she had bronchitis, pneumonia, double ear infections, pink eye, and was so dehydrated, she had to be hospitalized for two days. Once again, after the fact, I later found out Kim had gone on a Vegas bender with an Argentinian soccer player, which was why she kept telling me I couldn’t see Lily.”
He paused and studied his hands. “I told Kim that if she tried to take Lily back, I’d have her arrested for child endangerment and neglect.” His stomach knotted. “The thought of doing that to Lily’s mother still makes me sick, but I would have done anything to keep Lily away from her.”
A moment of silence passed. The room felt heavy with sadness and turmoil. “It’s ugly, heavy stuff, and we already have a fistful of challenges facing us. I don’t want to give up and let go. I’m crazy about you. But I don’t want to hurt you either.”
She took a deep breath, and air hiccupped into her lungs, the way Lily’s did when she cried hard. Thankfully, that hadn’t happened in a long time.
“This”—she gestured toward herself—“isn’t all your fault.” Her voice was soft but flat, like she’d gone numb. “I mean, most of this isn’t your fault.” She didn’t look at him. Her gaze lowered to her desktop and the textbook there, her fingers toying with a corner of the page. “My last boyfriend…was abusive.” She lifted a shoulder as if to discount the horrendous statement. “But that isn’t what’s held me back most. If it had just been the abuse, I’d have moved on by now.”
Her
breathing grew shallow, and a tear leaked from the corner of her eye. Beckett was at a total loss, with no idea how to manage his own sudden rage while being considerate of Eden’s distress. He felt as inept as he had the first time he’d taken Lily in his arms.
Beckett leaned forward and reached for her, but Eden lifted her hand in a stop gesture. “I need to get this out.”
“Okay.” He clasped his hands between his knees.
“I was…”—she cleared her throat—“pre—” Her voice cut out. She closed her eyes and tried again. “Pregnant. I was…pregnant.”
She paused to take a breath as if the words had been monumental to get out. They sent a cold trickle of dread down Beckett’s spine.
“We weren’t married, but he was a family friend, my dad’s work colleague. My parents liked him; we’d been dating over a year. I thought— Doesn’t matter. I was wrong. He wanted me to have an abortion. I refused. That was the first time he hit me.” She licked her lips. Took a breath. “I wrote it off to the stress, the shock. I thought him wanting the abortion was a phase and that he’d come around. But while I was waiting, he was drinking. When he drank, we argued. And when we argued—”