After what she did for me today, I might consider Aiden’s order and actually confess it all.
What’s the point of holding on to this engagement if he won’t take responsibility for the child?
As I drive out, I place a hand over my stomach and a tear slides down my cheek at the thought that I might be forced to lose this life after all.
33
Silver
Every day that passes is like a ticking bomb.
Every time Papa or Mum say they want to speak to me about something, I jump in my own skin.
Every time Helen brings me food, I wince, thinking I’ll get morning sickness.
Every time Frederic and Derek tell me ‘Good morning, Miss’ or ‘Good evening, Miss,’ I’m screaming inside
, They know!
I spend the entire week with Mum so I can avoid Cole.
At first, he corners me, demanding I tell him what I’m hiding and threatening that I’ll pay if he has to find out himself.
His form of payment isn’t toying with my body as I wish. Instead, he completely tunes me out.
For the first time since we started whatever we had, Cole isn’t speaking to me.
He says he won’t unless I tell him what’s going on.
Whenever I pass him by and he pretends I don’t exist, I die a little inside. Cole has a perfect blank face, so he can make you feel like you’re no different from the dust on his shoe.
It hurts.
It makes me sleep with tears in my eyes every night.
But what hurts the most is the thought of what he’ll do when he finds out I’m carrying his baby.
Today, I turned down a dinner date with Mum and Lucien. Usually, I love the Frenchman’s company. He’s cool and charismatic and reminds me of Uncle Jonathan — without the frightening ruthlessness. As long as he makes Mum smile and forget about her demons, I approve.
Despite Lucien’s pleasant company, I decide to return to Papa’s house, hoping, praying Cole will actually sneak into my room.
He doesn’t.
He doesn’t pay me much attention at dinner, as if I’m not sitting right there in front of him. Even Helen asks me if Cole and I are going back to the time we couldn’t stand each other.
I guess we are.
Why did he give me all those moments just so he’d take them away? We were doing fine being at each other’s throats before the wedding.
Who am I kidding? I hated the times from before. He was always far.
Just too far.
I scroll through both Ronan’s and Aiden’s Instagram accounts, hoping to catch a glimpse of Cole’s picture like a bloody fool.
Aiden made fun of how Cole’s not speaking to me. That arsehole doesn’t deserve the huge favour I did for him.
A few days ago, I told Elsa the engagement and everything in between were fake. Although she won’t completely forgive him yet, my freely-provided confession is a start.