I let out a slight scream—making her pause in midsentence—and clamped my eyes shut, willing Momma to get up and go into her own bedroom.
“Baby, I’m gonna let you go back to sleep.” She pulled my comforter down to my waist and started rubbing my back gently. Even she realized that she’d gone too far. “If I don’t see you, have fun at Six Flags. I might still be in bed when you leave.”
I kept my eyes shut, trying to mask my anger. “Goodnight, Momma.”
“You need s
ome money? I’ve got a little something hidden under my mattress; some tip money.”
She must’ve really been feeling guilty about her admittance of an affair with my best friend’s father. I always had to beg for money; she never offered it.
“No thanks, Momma,” I responded.
I’d recently started a job at a bookstore—working part-time until school let out in a couple of weeks for the summer and I could work full-time. I’d saved up for Six Flags and was looking forward to having a good time and looking forward to peeping Ruiz’s muscles all day. I was hoping he’d wear a tank top and shorts so I could see some skin. I’d picked out the perfect outfit to wear; one that was teasingly revealing but not too obvious.
“Sorry I woke you, Rayne,” she said, continuing to rub my back. “This talk about the birds and bees is long overdue though.”
“Thanks, Momma. I appreciate it.”
Nothing could’ve been further from the truth but I didn’t want her to feel too bad. She was still my mother—the only relative I’d ever known since my grandparents died long before I was born. However, Momma couldn’t teach me anything about sex that I didn’t already know. Sure, she may have been able to embark on perversion but I wasn’t interested in those kinds of acts. I hadn’t gone all the way—mainly because Ruiz had never tried me—but I knew what to expect when I did. I had zero intention of becoming a whore and definitely not a proud whore like Momma.
She seemed to read my mind. “Are you having sex, Rayne?”
“No, Momma. Not yet.” I threw the “not yet” in there intentionally. I wanted to put her on notice that I wouldn’t hesitate to do it when I was ready.
“I didn’t think you were, but I needed to know. When you do start, I gotta get you on the pill. I ain’t even tryin’ to be a grandma. I’m too sexy and way too fine for all that.”
I giggled. “You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Baby, I’m too tired to crawl in my room. Can I crash in here?”
“Sure, Momma,” I quickly answered. If it took allowing her to sleep with me—liquor breath and all—to get her to shut her trap, it was well worth it.
I scooted over farther on the bed, pressing myself up against the wall, as she slipped off her three-inch pumps and climbed underneath the comforter with me.
We both stared up at Prince. Sexy motherfucker.
“You know Momma loves you, baby?”
“Yes.”
“Good. That’s real good.”
She started humming “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye—her favorite song—until we both drifted off to sleep as the sun was coming up. By ten, I was on the highway with Chance and Ruiz, headed for Six Flags.
Two
Yardley Brown, Age 16
White Oak, MD
September 1990
I wanted my sixteenth birthday to be special; I really did. However, can you say overkill? Felix, Dwayne, and Mike were my boys and all, but I wasn’t even trying to go the direction they took my birthday party in.
I’d invited Roxie to the party. My parents were out of town and it was the perfect opportunity to get to know her better. Roxie was a year older than me but hanging onto her virginity like it was the eighth wonder of the world. I couldn’t say I blamed her. As fine as she was, she could afford to be selective. Every boy in our high school wanted to crawl in between her long, sienna legs and dig her back out.
Roxie had this long, wavy black hair that I yearned to run my fingers through. Her huge dark brown eyes gave me a hard-on every time I gazed into them. Roxie was in my Physics class and I couldn’t concentrate on our teacher most of the time. I was too busy daydreaming about her.