Daddy is getting the help that he needs. It is still difficult to forgive and it is impossible to forget. So much pain was caused by his actions—a chain reaction to pain that he endured at an early age himself.
Flower’s mother won’t allow Daddy to see her at all. She said that, in time, she might agree to supervised visits. I decided not to press charges. There was nothing to be gained by that because Daddy has an illness. He’s not a criminal.
Mason and I are still going strong. He has hinted around about marriage but I’m not ready. I have so much more I have to figure out about myself, now that I’m in complete control of all of my actions. Darnetta is still mad at me and not speaking but that’s her prerogative. There will be no more apologies coming from me and I refuse to allow her to make me find another job. If she truly hates me, she can find one because times are hard.
I still go to see Dr. Spencer. I plan to keep my weekly appointments for as long as necessary. Marcella said there is a chance that one or more alters might surface again, but only for a little while and not to the degree that they did before. They would not have the same hold on me. She was honest with me by saying that it could take several years for me to become fully integrated. She said that my alters are still present but all of us are just living together in harmony. I found that difficult to comprehend but I didn’t doubt it. I let her know that I was in it for the long haul. Too many people think they don’t need counseling, when it’s obvious that they do. It is not a sign of weakness, like so many tend to think. It is a sign of empowerment.
Jude and Jetta, wherever you may be, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
NERVOUS
ZANE
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sp; An Atria Books Discussion Guide
ABOUT THIS GUIDE
The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for discussion for Zane’s Nervous. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.
A Conversation with Zane
Q: Jonquinette is a fascinating character with a complex disorder. How did you research the psychiatric problems afflicting her? Did you talk to any doctors or patients who have experience with this condition, or read any interesting real-life accounts?
A: I love the Jonquinette character, and her multiple personality disorder (MPD) intrigued me. I did most of my research via the Internet and read a lot of medical information about the causes, symptoms, and cures. I was also stunned by the number of sites operated by people suffering from the disease. I thought that it was rare until a search engine came back with hundreds of sites. Out of all my characters, Jonquinette took the most thought to create and bring to life.
Q: In some ways, Nervous is about conflicting impulses that can arise in a person, even if they only have one personality. Like Jonquinette, do you think we all have to learn to balance desires for sex and love, forgiveness and retribution, and submissive and assertive behavior?
A: I think that balancing life is a task that people endure on a daily basis. What is too much and what is too little? Do we give of ourselves freely or proceed with caution? Do we just forgive, forget, and move on, or do we try to get back at those who harm us emotionally or physically? Jonquinette had to deal with all of those feelings when it came to opening her heart up to Mason, forgiving her father instead of having him arrested, and learning how to take control of her situation.
Q: In the Introduction, you wrote that the idea for this novel came from a short story. What aspect of the short story so intrigued you that you had to write this novel? What was it that you wanted to expand and explore?
A: The short story entitled “Nervous,” from The Sex Chronicles: Shattering the Myth, was one of the stories that I received the most feedback on, particularly from women. In a sense, most women have two sides to them: the one that wants to be respected and the one that wants to explore new things without being judged. Addicted had originally started out as a short story in my head but I thought the character was much deeper than just a few pages, so I put it aside and wrote the novel later. I felt very much the same way about the main character in the short story “Nervous.” She deserved a closer look and it was amazing to give her a name and a voice.
Q: The conversation Jon has with the wise old woman at church seems to mark a turning point for her. Did you have a particular model for that character? The church itself seemed to play an important role in Jon’s life. How do you think church helps care for its members?
A: I felt compelled to put that in the book because I am a “PK,” Preacher’s Kid, and the church has always played an important role in my life. Whenever I hit a hard place, going to church lifts me back up. I believe there are no mistakes or accidents in life and I believe that God intentionally closes some doors, in a sense saying, “Don’t go there!” Then he opens up the right ones. As for the model for the older female character, there was an older woman who once helped me make some difficult life decisions and I used her as the model. I actually wrote a short story based on my relationship with her called “Sometimes Young People Do Listen.” She is a very special person to me.
Q: You’ve taken your erotica to a wide audience, first through the Internet, and then through a traditional publishing house. Who do you think your readers are? Who do you write for?
A: I think my readers are just about anyone who likes to read books that keep reality in perspective. The sex is a major part of my writing—but I think it is more about me writing about things that people have done, would like to do, or have always wondered about doing. I write for myself; it is my escape into the unknown. It relieves my stress. It makes me happy. Being able to do what I love doing for a living only makes the sun shine brighter, but I would still write if no one ever read it. In fact, I probably have more written that has not been seen in public than has been.
Q: What do you think about the way pedophiles are handled by the state? Do you believe, as Jonquinette does, that they should be treated instead of prosecuted?
A: I believe that has to be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. However, I really don’t believe that prison rehabilitates anyone. In my opinion, it only increases anger, depression, and the willingness to go outside of the law. I believe that pedophilia is a disease and that more concentration needs to be placed on breaking the vicious cycle than on locking people up like animals. I am tackling that concept in a book that I am editing called Breaking the Cycle. The madness must stop somewhere and sometime, and there is never a better time than the present.
Q: What writers do you admire? Who inspires you to write?
A: Quite honestly, the majority of people have probably never heard of most of the writers who I admire. The ones that people have heard of include Stephen King, Jeffery Deaver, and Patricia Cornwell. I am actually a huge mystery buff and even write mystery novels. Those are some of the ones collecting dust on my various hard drives. I admire and am inspired by all of the authors that I publish under Strebor Books International. However, if I had to name my favorite author of all time, it would have to be D. V. Bernard, a young brother from New York City, who wrote The Last Dream About Dawn and the upcoming God in the Image of Woman. He blows me away every time. I just hope he one day gets the recognition that he deserves.
Q: How has your writing changed since you started? Is there any aspect of the craft that you are more aware of now than when you started?
A: As an author, I strive to make every book better than my last book. I strive to grow in some way and hone my craft. At first, I hated writing dialogue. Now I find that to be one of my greatest strengths. I faced my challenges head-on, concentrated on them the most, and overcame them. I am more aware of a lot of the technical aspects of writing—how long a novel should be, the importance of backstory, story line structure, and most important, the knowledge that character development, or the lack thereof, can make or break a story. That is the main reason I can’t finish certain books, and I tell authors all the time: if you do not develop your characters properly and make the reader feel a closeness to them, the reader will not care when things begin to happen to them—good or bad.
Q: Why did you choose to write erotica? Have you ever been drawn to write in other genres? What is it about erotica that you want to draw out in your writing?
A: Actually, I never chose erotica. It chose me, but that is a story for another day because it is a long one. I think of my story lines first, I flesh out my characters, and then I add risqué sex. I write in several other genres and hope to publish some of those numerous novels—under another pseudonym—in the near future. As for erotica, I believe different people have different ideas about what it means. To me, erotic stories do two things: make people horny—the obvious one—and make people lose themselves in the story. I don’t like stories that jump straight into sex. Who cares? Anyone can have sex or just write about some nameless person sexing another nameless person down. One of the contributors to Chocolate Flava: The Eroticanoir.com Anthology sent me a story about two people, hooking up again after several years, in a hotel room getting busy. I rejected it but told her to try again. I wanted her to tell me who the people were, why were they so happy to see each other again after many years, why had they been apart for so long, etc. She came back to me a few days later with an incredible story that ended up in the book. To me, that’s erotica.