The Other Side of the Pillow

We stared at each other for a few moments. She was really an attractive and well-put-together woman, and she seemed genuine. Suddenly, sadness swept over me. I could see why Tevin had married her, and how they were a cute couple that had been ripped apart by tragedy after tragedy. But I had to admit that I was glad that their marriage did not last. If it had, Tevin and I would have never met.

“Sure, I’ll hear you out,” I said. “I’m sure you know more about the inner workings of Tevin’s mind than most people, even me.”

“Tevin loves you and it is quite upsetting to him for his son to be born out of wedlock. For a lot of men these days, they could not care less, but he’s different. He has a core value system and this entire situation is going against it. I’m surprised he even agreed to live together prior to marriage.”

“He insisted on it,” I stated defensively. “I had my own place but he wanted me here with him. I explained to him that I wasn’t ready for marriage.”

I held out my hand so she could see the ring. She also had on one but I refused to ask if she was remarried yet. Then I recalled her saying that her name was Estella Harris at the door. She had not tied the knot yet.

“It doesn’t mean that I don’t plan on doing it. That’s why I have this on. But I want to wait.”

“Wait for?”

None of your damn business!

“I’m not trying to dredge up any painful memories for you, so I prefer to bypass that question, Estella.”

She squinted, analyzing what I had said. I hated when people outthought a thinker like me.

“Let me take a shot in the dark,” she said. “You’re afraid you might lose the baby and you don?

?t want Tevin to end up in another toxic marriage behind it?”

“Actually, I almost lost the baby already. I had an accident.”

“He told me.”

“But, yes, even prior to then, the thought definitely crossed my mind. I wanted to make it through my second trimester first. Is that a crime?”

“No, but I assume you’re almost there.”

“Almost.”

“Then I guess you really didn’t need me to come over here after all,” she said and then grinned uncomfortably.

“You could’ve saved the trip.”

We both sat there looking at each other.

“I’m sorry. I’m being rude,” I stated after a pregnant pause. “Would you like something to drink?”

“No, but thank you,” she said. “I have to say that I’m delighted Tevin found you. He deserves to be happy.”

“So do you,” I replied, shifting in my chair.

She stared at my stomach. “He told me that it’s a boy.”

“Yes. We plan to name him Tevin Junior.”

“Of course. He deserves that, too. There are times when I wish that things could’ve been different. But I wasn’t in a stable frame of mind after the miscarriages. I shut down. I became a phantom. Tevin was in a marriage by himself.

“He hung in there. He never would’ve left me on his own. We both realized that. It wasn’t in his nature. So I filed for divorce and set him free.

“I’ve matured a lot now. The old me could’ve never sat here, across from you, the woman he loves now, pleading for you to marry him.”

“We all evolve as we age,” I replied. “The old me never would’ve answered the door if my man’s ex-anything came knocking on it. But the seasoned me realizes that both Tevin and I have a past. If he ran across one of the men that I used to be with, I’d hope that they could act like grown men and not boys.

“Tevin loves me and only me; I’m convinced of that. He will always carry feelings for you but they’re not the same.”