‘I didn’t want to disturb you. Alma said you were resting.’
He waved an impatient hand. ‘She’s very liberal with her guard dog duties, that one. I was merely cata
loguing a few things in my study after lunch. She could’ve let me know you were here at any time,’ he grumbled.
Allegra knew it was more than just cataloguing. Ever since she’d returned the Fabergé box to her grandfather, he’d kept it in his study, alongside a necklace whose origin was unknown to her. She knew from the housekeeper that Giovanni had been spending hours in his study with the two pieces lately. ‘It doesn’t matter. You’re here now. It’s good to see you up.’
‘I have my good days and bad days. Today is a good day.’ Her grandfather walked forward, his stride a little slow, but his colour much better than it’d been back in May.
Before he’d sent her to Dar-Aman.
Before her life had changed forever.
The mingled feelings of awe, fear and dread that spiralled through her every time she thought of the secret she carried ate away at her smile. Dragging it back, she met her grandfather halfway and kissed him on both cheeks.
When she drew back, she met his frank gaze, praying he wouldn’t comment on her sallow complexion or the weight she’d lost.
‘Something’s wrong, Allegra mia,’ he said, dashing her hopes. When she opened her mouth, he shook his head. ‘Don’t bother denying it. You’re good at hiding things but you forget that you are my blood, my first granddaughter. Ever since you were a child you cared for everyone else around you. That special trait is why I chose you to head my foundation. You care—a little too much, some might say—but you don’t care enough about yourself.’
Allegra couldn’t help the bitterness in her voice. ‘I disagree. I don’t think my caring was enough.’
Giovanni shuffled to the wide armchair and sank heavily into it. After propping his cane next to the chair, he turned his frown on her. ‘Being exceptionally hard on yourself has always been your problem.’
‘One of many, I’m sure.’
His frown deepened. ‘My dear, what’s happened to resurrect these self-doubting ghosts? I thought you’d put them behind you years ago? Did something happen during your little trip?’
Allegra started in surprise, then shook her head. ‘I... It’s nothing I can’t handle.’
‘So there is something?’ her grandfather probed.
Allegra had to ball her fist to keep from sliding her hand over her stomach. She’d caught herself making that unconscious gesture a lot lately, once she’d finished the book that tracked the growth of her baby in minute detail. Her baby might be the size of a bean, but the very idea that life grew inside her was a phenomenon she hadn’t quite come to terms with six weeks after discovering that, against all odds, she carried Rahim Al-Hadi’s child in her womb.
‘Allegra?’
Everything inside her wanted to spill her secret. But how could she admit to carrying such a responsibility when she didn’t feel worthy of it?
‘I have a lot on my plate, that’s all. The women’s rights conference in Geneva’s coming up and preparations are frantic as usual. You know how making speeches turns me into a blubbering wreck.’ She laughed, and her grandfather cracked a smile, but she saw the lingering speculation in his shrewd eyes.
‘Bianca is assisting you with it, right?’
Allegra nodded, relieved her grandfather had chosen not to pursue the subject. ‘She’s handling publicity through Lucia PR, but the keynote speech is my responsibility.’ A responsibility she’d barely given her full attention to since the severe bouts of morning sickness had hit exactly two weeks after she’d confirmed her pregnancy. It was hard enough to concentrate when thoughts of the many ways she could screw up her child’s life multiplied with each waking hour that passed. Add the terrifying thought of how and when she’d break the news to Rahim, and what his reaction would be, and the task of putting together a rousing speech on empowering women fled from her mind.
With the conference a short seven days away, she’d finally given in and solicited her sister’s help. Bianca had jumped at the chance to add the Di Sione Foundation to her growing high-profile clients and had taken charge of publicising the event.
Now all Allegra had to do was write the speech. And come up with a plan for the future of the child growing inside her.
She felt the blood drain from her face as nausea rose in her belly. Swallowing hard, she looked up to find Giovanni staring intently at her. ‘It’ll be fine, I’m sure.’
He nodded, but his eyes remained serious. ‘Sì, it will be. You’ve never failed in anything you’ve undertaken, nipotina. You will overcome this too. I have faith in you.’
Allegra tried selfishly to hold on to those words, despite knowing that her grandfather hadn’t been in possession of all the facts when he’d made the statement. She hadn’t failed in retrieving his box because she’d stolen it, and shattered any chance of being seen as anything but a common thief in Rahim’s eyes.
By the time she packed her bags to head to Geneva, her grandfather’s reassuring words had dwindled to nothing, annihilated by looming fear and doubt that warned her she was condemning her child to a life of uncertainty and insecurity.
How could she offer her child love when her own experience with it had been a twisted version, often fuelled by bouts of heartbroken wailing on her mother’s part, and volatile cocktails of drugs and booze with a healthy bout of rage thrown in from her father?
How could she trust herself to do the right thing for her child when more than once she’d feared the blood that ran through her was tainted somehow? Alessandro, her oldest brother, had buried himself in the family business from very early on, and her twin brothers had borne all the hallmarks of turning into their father, despite her grandfather’s repeated intervention. As much as it broke her heart to admit it, her failure to adequately sustain her family when they’d needed her most had left flaws entrenched too deep to ever make them whole.