‘Why are you telling me this?’
‘I told you in Geneva I didn’t think I’d make a good mother. I still don’t. And you not being here terrifies me even more.’
His frown deepened. ‘But why does your childhood experience write you off as good parent material?’
Allegra reared back. ‘Are you serious? I have the DNA of a chronic drug addict and a highly strung mother who could barely take care of herself, let alone her seven kids, running through my veins. Not to mention my every attempt to hold my family together after they were gone ended in disaster. Dysfunctional doesn’t begin to describe my family both before and after my parents died. Everything I tried to do made things worse. And you think I should blithely waltz into parenthood?’
‘That’s exactly the point. You’re wealthy enough to follow in your parents’ decadent footsteps, and yet you haven’t. You chose a different path for yourself. And as for holding your family together, I’m sorry to break it to you, but six-year-olds can barely tie their shoelaces, let alone undertake the monumental task of holding a family together.’
Allegra blinked. She’d unveiled her sordid parentage and childhood to Rahim. And he’d barely blinked at the monumental fear that had ruled her life since she was six years old. She didn’t know whether to be hurt or thankful that he’d all but dismissed her fears as inconsequential. Had she blown her inability to help her siblings all out of proportion? Recalling her grandfather stating something similar, she closed her eyes and laid her hand over her belly. Had she really been unrealistic in thinking she was responsible for holding her family together at such a young age? And dared she believe that she could do a better job as a mother?
Any hope that might have dared to grow died at the thought of doing this alone. ‘I know that. I’m not stupid, Rahim. We had nannies and housekeepers to help, but I had a duty to my family too. And yet nothing I did as I got older helped. I have zero confidence that I’ll be able to give my child anything worth a damn. What guarantees do I have that I won’t ruin his life?’ she asked bleakly.
That stopped him for a moment. Then his lips pursed. ‘First of all, this is our child. Secondly, there are no guarantees. And you forget, you won’t be alone in that, Allegra. This is my child too. He will have the benefit of two parents.’
‘You expect me to believe that when you swing by for a few hours, then take off again?’
A thunderous frown clamped his brows. ‘I have work to do. You know the extent of what needs to be fixed for my people.’
‘Our people, Rahim. We’re married, remember? They’re my people too now.’
‘Then you should understand...’
‘Is it what happened with your mother that’s keeping you away? Or me?’
‘Allegra,’ he warned.
‘What happened on our wedding night wasn’t your fault.’
He went rigid, his features hard as stone. Encouraged that she was getting a reaction, she approached. When he didn’t turn away from her, she laid a hand on his chest.
Firming her resolve, she blurted out what she’d been waiting almost a whole day to say to him. ‘What happened to your mother was horrible and devastating. But millions of women deliver babies safely every year. Our baby will be too.’
‘This palace ceased to be a place of fairy tale a long time ago. You can’t flick a magic wand and have everything go your way. The Dar-Amanian people need me. Serving their needs isn’t a job I take lightly. We must all make sacrifices for the greater good.’
Feeling like a pathetic heel but knowing she needed to fight for this, she cupped his jaw. ‘I didn’t sign up for a life of loneliness in a gilded cage, Rahim, greater good or not.’
He glanced sharply at her. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I want you to come back. I want my husband, my sheikh, to come back to me.’ She took another step closer, trapping him between the door and her body.
A shudder moved through him, lifting his chest against hers. Reaching up with her other hand, she cradled his face in her hands, rose on tiptoes and kissed him.
With a guttural groan, he captured her hips and dragged her closer, his touch burning through the flimsy clinic gown. His mouth feasted on hers, biting and lapping, until they were both panting.
‘Come back to me, please. I need you, Rahim,’ she pleaded.
He gave a groan and her heart lifted.
But in the next breath, he was pulling away. Desperately, she clung to him. ‘Don’t leave me again. Please!’
‘No. The baby...’
‘He’s fine and healthy. So am I. But we both need you.’ She pressed her mouth to his, and they clashed once again in a frenzied exchange of pent-up sexual need. Locking her fingers in his hair, Allegra strained against him, her senses on fire, her heart offering up every prayer it could for the love of her life to stay.
But once again he dragged himself away.
She held her breath as Rahim stared down at her. Silently, she willed him to give her something. She’d pleaded. She’d demanded. She wasn’t too far off tears, and she wasn’t sure her heart could withstand another rejection.