“It’ll be in a couple of days. How soon can you be here?”
“No. No I don’t think we can wait that long. Hop on the next flight. Get your ass here now.”
Jack raked his hand through his hair, visibly agitated.
“Fine.” Jack pressed the end key and passed Britt’s phone back to her.
He sank into a plastic chair and she sat beside him.
“I want Charlie to come as soon as possible. But he needs a few hours to sober up before he can start making arrangements. Dad—Dad adores—adored Charlie. He was disappointed when he skipped out on the company to go run a bar halfway around the world, but Dad went down there to visit him. He should’ve come when he found out Dad was in the hospital.”
“He should’ve. But maybe he didn’t know how serious it was.”
“He knew. I told him. But he blew it off. Charlie is wild and crazy and not very responsible. I wish he were different, really I do. But he’s my brother and as much as it would please me to tell him to fuck off, he has every right to be here for the funeral. Otherwise it’s only me alone, Britt.”
“There’s me, your friends, plus everyone from work and every other person who thought your dad was an amazing guy. There are lots of people who will miss him, Jack. It feels lonely, I know, but you’re not by yourself and Charlie isn’t your only option for support here.”
“I know, I know you’re here and I can’t thank you enough for it, but it’s his place to help me with this, it’s his job as the oldest son, the damn apple of my father’s eye to step up and do some of this. Maybe he doesn’t care.”
“Does he care so little or does he just care about himself more?”
“That’s probably the case. I just—wish it was different.”
“I think we all wish our families could be a little bit easier to deal with, see things more the way we do.”
“You’re right. It’s hard now, though.”
“Of course it is! You love your dad and it’s horrible for you to go through this. Your brother left you to make arrangements alone at such a time and then trying to dictate. If you want to wait for him, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“What I want isn’t any part of this. What I want is to go back and just have my dad wear the stupid ankle things in the bed. What I want is for this never to have happened. He was FINE.” He looked away as his lips pressed into grim lines. “I’ll never get to talk to him again. And the thought of never seeing him again is killing me. I would be nothing without him. And he meant everything to me.”
She kissed him softly.
“I’m so sorry. There’s no way to make this right. If you’d rather I bow out of the funeral and things—I was going to go with you to the funeral home to pick stuff out but if you’re more comfortable doing that when Charlie gets here...”
“No. I’m not comfortable. Not with any of this. It’s bullshit. There were plenty of things that could’ve prevented this and I didn’t make him do them. I didn’t make him wear the cuffs, didn’t call the nurse when the PT guy said he’d be in to take him for a short walk and then didn’t show up. I figured it was better for him to rest and not be bothered so I didn’t follow up on that. I should’ve been more vigilant and spent less time playing on my phone and texting you and wondering why it is always so fucking cold in hospitals and why they can’t manage to have any decent food. I took for granted that he’d be okay because he always was before. And the more I think about it, maybe that’s what Charlie thought, too.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“He’s always been there, kind of telling me who I am and pushing me to try harder and I just feel like my world is crashing down around me.”
“You were so close to him. You were his good son who stayed behind and worked with him and tried to get him to slow down. You were the designer and marketer and the musician...you are insanely good at like three or four different things because, I’m guessing he encouraged you not to limit yourself and you learned how to be curious and brave, from him.”
“You’re right. I never put it into so many words like that before, but that’s what he is. What he was. I hate this! He made me who I am and I’m not sure what I’ll be without him. And now. I’m going to have to go pick out a coffin for my dad,” he said bleakly. “Will you go with me?”
Wiping her eyes, Britt nodded. “Yes. We’ll go first thing in the morning. Why don’t you give me your keys? Let me drive you home. I’ll come back later for my car.”
“I can’t impose.”
“Baby, you’re not.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. I just care about making sure you’re okay.”
His eyes fluttered shut as he handed Britt his keys. She knew he was in no shape to drive.
Chapter 5