We give her our order and she promises to bring our food out promptly. I’m not in a rush, though. My arm is still around Sara’s waist, and she’s sitting close, her thigh pressed against mine. I could stay like this forever.
I might be enjoying this too much, and it feels bittersweet. The thought that we’re playing a role, sends fissures of pain slicing across my chest. This is going to end, eventually. Once we convince my family, and the inheritance is secure, Sara won’t have any obligation to stay with me.
As I watch the boys laughing and playing across the booth, and feel the heat of Sara’s body against my own, I can’t help but wonder…what if this were real?
Nine
Sarah
L ucille has always had an incredible sensuality. I’ve snuck down to watch her presentations and when she puts on her ‘Domme’ voice and stalks the small stage in leather and the most badass corset I’ve ever seen I always wish that she’d meet my eyes and beckon me up to go to my knees for her.
But that’s a fantasy, and this arrangement is real life. I hadn’t expected that sexual pull to be between us here. Perhaps it’s that Lucille was always hot in the way a movie star is hot. Someone gorgeous and attractive who you never have a chance with so it’s easy to fantasise about them because it will never be real.
Lucille with her commanding presence and piercing eyes was always way out of my league. But now we’re driving to meet her parents and I’m dating her. Sort of, anyway. It’s surreal and intoxicating.
The children have drifted off in the back seat and I see lights floating by as it gets dark around us; The car moves smoothly down the highway, purring like a giant cat and it feels a little like we’re flying. I’ve always loved driving in the dark, there’s a soft sort of eeriness about it like the world outside isn’t quite real.
When I was a kid I used to pretend that the headlights of the other cars were aliens swooping down the road to meet us and I would blow kisses out my window as they went by. I remember picturing little blue women in some strange glowing spaceship blowing kisses back. The thought makes me smile now.
The silence between us is comfortable. We’ve spent plenty of nights helping Rachel count intake side by side and rolling our eyes at Cody and Abbie’s antics. I have spent a lot of time in the last two years in the company of this tall, beautiful and enigmatic woman and I don’t know her at all really.
But at the same time she’s someone I feel one hundred percent comfortable with. I know that she would never hurt me or the children.
“I love the dark,” I say softly, looking out the car window. “It always seems so peaceful.”
Lucile hums softly. “I hate it. It reminds me of my first nights out on the street when everything was fucking terrifying and I had no idea what I was doing. I stayed up every night to try to protect myself and slept through every day. I’m still scared of the dark.”
It’s a startlingly personal thing and I turn my head to look at her, my mouth dropping open. I’m not sure whether to offer my sympathy or to express the deep well of anger I feel at how her father treated her.
“I’d grown up with a silver spoon in my mouth,” she says, her mouth twisting a little ironically. “I didn’t know what hunger or poverty really was. I was just a dumb twenty year old with no money who’d never had a job.”
“What did you do?” I ask softly.
“I learned fast. People took advantage of me for a bit and then I took advantage of other people for a bit and then I fell in with some decent folk who taught me how to land on my feet. After a while I managed to get a job at a cafe a couple of hours a day and saved up for the worst flat in the world.”
“That’s horrible,” I say. I can imagine her all defiant and angry at the world, lost and hungry and poor. It’s a horrible picture and I want to hug her and tell her that it will never happen again.
A stupid urge considering she’s become the wealthiest person I know recently.
“It’s why I want the money so badly,” she says in a much quieter voice. “There’s a lot of kids out there who go through what I did younger than me and who aren’t lucky enough to end up in a situation where they can make ends meet. I want to make a shelter for any LGBT young person who needs it.”
Silence fills the car again and I swallow hard. It’s such a pure, unselfish reason to want millions and I can tell it’s one hundred percent the truth. She really doesn’t want the money for herself at all.
“When I was ten my mother died,” I say finally and I see her startle a little as though she were expecting me to say nothing in response to her story. “My sister was eighteen and tough as nails. She made sure that I was fed and clothed and that I went to school every day with my homework done.”
I stop for a moment and remember Wendy. She had a hundred freckles and used to let me count the ones on her face when I was a kid. She was the best person I’ve ever known and everyone I am today is down to her. I miss her so much.
“She gave up everything so I could have a good shot at life and when some asshole used a broken condom she raised these two with just as much care. We were poor and hungry a lot of the time but she made sure I never went a day without feeling like I was loved.”
“That’s the most precious thing of all,” Lucille says in a thick voice and I nod in acknowledgement. We both learned that in our own ways.
The car pulls up to a stop light and Lucille stretches her hand out to me in the darkness. I take it and squeeze it lightly and we share a soft look full of everything we’ve said and everything we want to say. I know that she’s sorry about my sister and I know she knows I’m sorry about her dad.
The touch of her hand lingers on my skin after she lets go so we can drive on. This is the most seen I’ve ever felt in my life.
Ten
Lucille