It’s getting dark. Helen will be getting home soon. I wanted to be waiting there with my presents but if she gets home before me, if I’m not there—
It’s bad enough that she’ll think I left. I almost cry right there thinking about how upset she would be and that I could never leave her like that, but she might think I’m the kind of person that would.
I don’t see any reason why she would check her stash in the kitchen, but if she does…
I gather up my stuff in a basket. Suddenly it doesn’t matter what I choose, just so long as I get back before she does. The checkout takes a long time, far longer than I was expecting. When they pile up my bags with all the chocolate, snacks and wine, I don’t even know how I’m going to carry it all.
Struggling under the weight of the bags, I head back to the restaurant. They are busy and even though I’ve been gone nearly an hour, the food isn’t ready yet.
I stand by the counter tapping my foot. It’s even luckier now that I’m dressed in Helen’s clothes. Impatient women are unpopular enough without adding torn fishnets and ragged edged mini skirts to the mix.
When the man at the counter piles up my food I ask if he has a bag. He looks positively insulted as he stacks it into a plastic carry bag. I hold myself back from snapping at him, just barely. Am I the only customer in the universe who ever asked for a bag?
Now I have three bags to manage and the paper sacks from the market don’t have handles. I stand on the curb trying to get a cab, but the pressure of every passing minute is just too much for me and I start walking.
With the two paper sacks pressed to my chest and the plastic carry bag weighing me down, I can barely see let alone walk. I stop again, try to hail a cab but still have no success.
I know that the smart thing to do is wait for a cab to stop. I’d be home in a few seconds.
Wow. I’m calling it home. It’s such a big step for me and yet I just did it without thinking. Home. I have a home.
Maybe. If I can get there in time.
All I’ve been worried about so far is that she’ll get home before me, already upset from this morning and think that I’ve abandoned her. I can’t stand to think of the look on her face, the pain in her heart that will undoubtedly happen if she gets back and I’m not there.
I would never betray her, and I hope she knows that. After the fight this morning though, I couldn’t blame her.
And the cash. God, the cash. Why didn’t I count it before I left? All I had to do was look at it and take a couple of notes instead of the whole fucking wad.
Still no cabs stop for me and tears of frustration start to trickle down my cheeks. I pick up the bags again and set off with long, determined strides. Dad taught me, sometimes you’ve just gotta walk into it with confidence. Especially if it’s really bad. Get some steel in your spine, some fire in your belly and go for it.
No more wasting time stopping for cabs. I’m going to get there on my own two feet and I’m going to convince my girl that I love her. We can work this out.
It’s so dark by the time I get to the apartment block. She must be home already. I’ve got to get up there!
Luckily, the doorman recognizes me from when I went out earlier. He buzzes me in with a smile and a nod. I grin back, aware that I probably look like a manic raccoon more than a sane young woman.
Waiting for the elevator is torture. The bags are so heavy my arms feel like they are about to fall off. If we do get this stuff all sorted out, maybe she’ll give me a back rub.
When I approach the door, it’s open just a crack. Her handbag is dumped on the floor just inside. It’s not like Helen to do that. She must have been in a rush.
I run forward, eager to get in the door and show her what I’ve brought. We can eat and talk and this whole fucking nightmare day can just be over.
As I get closer to the door, I can hear her talking. I’m angry all of a sudden. I know its crazy, but I’m just that into her that I can’t handle the thought of another woman anywhere near her.
I work out pretty quick that this is not a flirty conversation.
“Roxanne is her name. Last name? I’m not sure. Leland, I think. Leemon? I’m not sure. What do you mean you can’t go on that? Can’t you do a search or something?”
My heart freezes in my chest as I stand at the door.
“Yes. Several thousand dollars. Well, yes, I did leave her alone in my apartment… Listen lady, that’s just victim blaming. I was trying to do the right thing! She needed help! Well, yes, she was here a few days. I don’t know why she didn’t steal the money straight away… Maybe she only just found it and decided to make her break right then and there. I’m practically doing your job for you here… No, I do not make a habit of letting strange girls sleep at my house! Who the hell do you think you are?”
The bags start to slip. I don’t even notice, really. My fingers start to open, and my arms lose all tension.
“Thank you. Two detectives you say, or two officers? You aren’t sure. For someone who works there, you don’t know much, do you. Great. Thanks.”
I hear Helen sigh as she hangs up the phone. I still want to go to her, that’s the crazy part. I want to run in there and throw myself into her arms.