“What are you in the mood for?”
I shrugged, leaning over for another hit. I’d be sure not to overdo it, since I’d been on the sedative earlier. But now it had worn off, and I needed something to file down the edges on the sharp new reality between us. We’d just been through an experience that would either create deeper emotional intimacy, or ruin us entirely. I couldn’t take that kind of pressure right now, especially knowing that in a few days, we’d be living together. “Something soothing.”
He picked Sigur Ros. I recognized the ethereal falsetto, and I grinned. “You’re like, a hipster Viking.”
“They’re quite popular in England, as well,” he said defensively.
The water was the perfect temp, the pot was amazing, and I didn’t even care if the tub looked like a shark attack in progress— although there was much less blood than I’d anticipated. Mild cramping aside, I’d never been so comfortable. “I don’t want to fall asleep,” I murmured.
His voice was pinched as he tried not to exhale. “Why not?”
“Because I’ll drown.” Although, drowning in a nice, hot bath while totally high was probably the least disturbing way I could think of to go.
He stroked my steam-limp hair back. “You won’t. Sleep, if you’d like. I won’t let you drown.”
My heart ached. He was going to spot me so I could sleep in a hot bath? That was just... insanity. I would never have even considered asking another human being to do something like that for me, it seemed so unreasonably selfish. Neil was offering to do it because he wanted to take care of me? That was just...
And cue the waterworks. There were those hormones Dr. Jacobson had warned me about.
In the past, Neil had always reacted to any sign of upset or tears on my part with a well-intentioned, but ultimately stifling, attempt to instantly make everything better. He didn’t do that now. He just sat beside me, holding my hand as I curled up in the tub and cried. We talked when I initiated the conversation, but for the most part Neil was content to sit in silence with me.
Half an hour was just long enough for the water to cool and my emotions to level out.
“Feel better?” Neil asked after he helped me from the bath and wrapped me in a towel.
I nodded. “I’ve just got a lot going on. I think the hormonal thing wouldn’t be so bad if everything else in my life was nice and calm right now.”
“I don’t think unintended pregnancy is ever anyone’s idea of nice and calm, Sophie.” He tilted my head up and kissed me. From the other room, we heard the intercom buzz. “That will be the food. I’ll go while you get dried off.”
Once I was all dressed and dried, with my hair combed, I felt way more normal than before. If what I’d just gone through was anything even remotely like pregnancy mood swings, I had made the right decision. I passed over pjs in favor of yoga pants and a long-sleeved tee, and bounded out to the living room.
We sat on the couch to eat, me with my burger and fries, him with a salad. The takeout containers were super fancy, and I smiled to myself. He would never get some things quite “normal.”
With pregnancy no longer looming in my mind, my thoughts turned to all the other stuff we had going on. We. It was a weird way to think about it, but we were pretty much moving in together. At least for a while. “Hey... What’s it like, living with you?”
He took a swallow of water. “I suppose it depends on who you ask. According to my daughter, I’m very boring and have a terrible habit of entering rooms too quietly and startling people on purpose. You also might falsely accuse me of reading your diary.”
I laughed and wiped my mouth on one of the sturdy napkins. “You never read her diary?”
“Absolutely not. I was too damned busy trying to make sure she didn’t have anything interesting to write about in it.” He shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t know what it will be like for you to live with me. I’ve never had great success as far as cohabiting with romantic partners is concerned. I liked living with Valerie and with Elizabeth, but I like time to myself, as well. And I haven’t always been easy to work with in terms of renovations or new furnishings—”
“Whoa, let me stop you right there.” I held up my greasy burger hands. “I’m not in the market to remodel your place or get new couches. I’m coming with you so I can be with you. I’m still keeping my place here. I’m not going to bring along my bed or demand a new walk-in closet.”