“What’s so funny?” he asked, raising his head.
His cock slipped out of me, a gush of wetness in its wake, and damn it, we were on my side. But even that couldn’t bring me down. “Nothing, I just really needed that.”
A faint whimper over the baby monitor broke me from my post-orgasmic bliss. “I should get her before Mariposa does it on her night off.”
Usually Neil offered to help, but all he did was nod and roll off.
I scooped my chemise off the floor and pulled it on as I walked. I’d just reached the door when Neil stopped me. “Sophie.”
I turned. “Yeah?”
He leaned up on one arm. “Thank you. Not just for tonight. But for every night. I haven’t told you enough…”
“You didn’t have to,” I reassured him. “I knew.”
I’d doubted, but deep down, I’d known.
“I love you.”
I grinned at him. “I love you, too. But there is a baby who’ll be screaming in a few seconds.”
He huffed a laugh. “Go on.”
Getting Olivia settled was just a matter of a clean diaper and some rocking. She didn’t even want a bottle, probably because she was so exhausted from all the excitement tonight.
Gazing down at her blonde curls and her chubby cheeks, I wondered if she would remember tonight. Not in a conscious way; memories were too short for that. But maybe, somewhere in her subconscious, she would have the image of those lanterns floating into the starry night sky, and she would see them in her dreams.
I hummed a little lullaby to her and pressed my lips to her forehead. I rocked her for far longer than was strictly necessary to get her to sleep, but it felt so good to hold her little body in my arms. I could see why people liked this. It had never held any appeal for me before.
When I could barely keep my eyes open myself, I laid Olivia in her crib and gave her light-up seahorse a squeeze so it would play its
soft, soothing tunes to keep her asleep. I closed her door gently and headed back to our room.
On my way past the study, I noticed the screen of Neil’s computer was still lit, with the screensaver cheerfully bouncing around the dimly illuminated screen.
“Learn to turn shit off,” I grumbled as I shuffled across the floor.
There was an envelope on the keyboard, with “Sophie” written on it in Neil’s handwriting.
I frowned. Why would Neil write me a letter? It didn’t make any sense. I clicked on the desk lamp. The envelope wasn’t sealed, and somehow, that made it feel less like snooping, but I still had that sick feeling in my gut that I was doing something wrong. I slipped the paper out and unfolded it.
My darling Sophie—
Know that I loved you more than a human heart should be capable of loving. It’s what made this decision so difficult for me.
Oh god. Oh, god, Neil was leaving me. I collapsed into the desk chair. The sob stuck in my chest was the only thing keeping me from throwing up.
I know you will never forgive me, and I certainly don’t deserve it. Please, don’t believe I chose death over you. I chose it despite my love for you, and for Olivia. And, because of that love, I cannot continue as the stone around your neck. I cannot keep you in this hell with me. And perhaps you’ll feel I’ve plunged you into a new sort of hell. But this is what’s best for both of us. I loved you with my last breath.
Please, never tell Olivia.
Neil. Oh god, what had he done?
CHAPTER NINE
I threw down the letter and raced to the bedroom. Neil lay sprawled on his back, tangled in the sheets. His chest still rose and fell in a steady rhythm, thank God, but I had no idea how long that would last. He’d left that note so that I would find it, probably in the morning. I crossed the floor to the bed in a run and shook his shoulders, shouting, “Neil! Neil, wake up!”
He roused slowly, blinking his eyes up at me.