I’d known they were out there, in a vague sort of way. Somehow, I’d learned that he’d made a family and that I wasn’t a part of it. That was the way it always was, and I’d accepted that. I’d never tried to find them because I knew I wasn’t welcome. If they had come to me and asked me to a be a part of their lives, that would have been different; I couldn’t have forced my way in, even if I’d been brave enough to try.
Now, the sisters who’d never truly existed in my mind before were too real to ignore, and they weren’t extending an offer of family or love or acceptance. They only needed me for spare parts.
Susan had been right; it was a lot to ask, and manipulative, even if she’d never intended it to be. Help us, or someone will die. Someone you should care about, because you’re bound by blood.
But how could I care about any of them, when they’d never cared about me?
Chapter Nine
The ride home was interminable. Too quiet, too much time alone with my thoughts. Usually, I just slept during the two-hour commute. Tonight, I couldn’t; I doubted I would sleep before the alarm went off in the morning.
We pulled up to the front door of the house, and I thanked the driver as he helped me out. I staggered inside, dropped my bag on the floor in the foyer, kicked off my shoes, and wandered into the empty living room.
“Hello?” I called, not really expecting an answer. I didn’t even know if Neil and El-Mudad were home, and if they were, the place was too damn big to yell to anyone. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to see them, yet. Not when I hadn’t decided how to proceed.
The sooner I told Neil, the better. I’d worked too hard at being honest and sharing important things with him to let all of that go out the window. El-Mudad presented a new complication; if we were really going to be together, me potentially giving away an organ would concern him, too. It wouldn’t be fair to keep it from him on the basis that Neil and I had more history and a legal document binding us.
I went to the huge windows and looked out at the horizon. The ocean glittered under the golden-tinged evening sky. It reminded me a little of the Big Lake back home. Superior wasn’t really a lake but an inland sea. Not as impressive as the whole Atlantic but a formidable presence, nonetheless. There was a feeling to bodies of water. I was familiar with the lake; the ocean remained a stranger.
Things like that tied you to a place. If we packed up and moved tomorrow, I would miss the view, but not the water itself. But my home, the place where my roots were, still called to me. Right now, they seemed to be calling me a traitor. There I was, standing in my big empty palace, staring out at an ocean that didn’t know me and that I had no claim to, while people who needed me waited in hellish limbo to find out whether or not I would claim them.
They don’t want to be claimed. They want to claim a part of you.
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I looked down, my gaze traveling from the beach grass and over the massive length of our finely manicured lawn, to the flagstone patio and the heated salt-water swimming pool. That’s where I found Neil and El-Mudad, standing in the waist deep water, laughing and smiling, their arms around each other. Even though I couldn’t hear them, I laughed softly, too, and put my hand to the glass. I wanted to be down there with them, but even if I were physically close, I couldn’t be present. Not until I told them.
I watched them a little longer. They kissed, Neil’s hand on El-Mudad’s cheek. A thrill went through me; my libido wasn’t really concerned with my inner turmoil.
I didn’t hurry out to meet them. I took a quick shower—the noise I made when I took off my bra sounded like a moribund cow groaning, so I was glad El-Mudad wasn’t there to hear it—scrubbed off my makeup, and braided my wet hair back. Then, I changed into some super-short gray cut-off sweats and a black ribbed tank top.
By the time I reached the patio, Neil and El-Mudad were already out of the pool. El-Mudad reclined on one of the lounge chairs, an arm thrown above his head, his face crumpled in tortured concentration. Neil was on his knees beside the chair, his head bobbing slowly as he sucked El-Mudad’s cock.
El-Mudad looked pretty close to coming, so I couldn’t resist. “What are you guys up to?”
El-Mudad’s eyes flew open in surprise, and Neil lifted his head to look back at me. With a panicked “Don’t stop!”, El-Mudad lifted his hips, cum dribbling from his straining, untouched cock. He gasped in frustration, his orgasm ruined.