There’s a collective gasp, and I look at Grace, who is the least likely to give me shit. “What do you know?”
“She’s a wreck. She’s trying to put on a good front, but you hurt her more than you can imagine.”
“I need more than that.”
The girls glance at each other, and I wait helplessly as they have a non-verbal conversation with only their eyes. Bizzy gives a small nod and pulls over a lounger as Nick does the same, sitting Grace between his legs and wrapping his arms around her protectively.
“This isn’t entirely because of the way you mentioned living together. From what I heard last night, it goes much deeper than even I could have imagined.” Bizzy launches into what happened.
During the story, Shaw comes back, situating himself behind Bizzy and taking the same position as Nick with Grace. I listen, drinking the whiskey and welcoming the feeling as it scalds down my throat. When she’s done, all I can do is stare at them.
I take in the way they mold together naturally, the protection and support each man wraps around his wife. Possession mixed with obsession radiates from their bodies, and I realize how blind and stupid I’ve been.
“She cried?” My chest throbs picturing her. The last time I know of Claire crying was when Bizzy was in a car accident that scared the shit out of all of us. Even then, she pulled herself together, taking charge of comforting everyone.
“I’m not sure crying is the right term. She was hysterical, unlike anything I’ve seen before,” Bizzy says softly.
“She’s going to kill us if she knows we told you that.” Grace cracks a small smile. “But don’t worry, she bounced back to her snarky ways and started talking about blow jobs.”
I eye my brothers who are both fighting their own smiles. I chuckle under my breath.
“Pillar of strength. She’s always strong.”
“There’s a difference between being strong and having strength,” Shaw assesses.
“Not sure I’m following you.”
“It seems to me she’s been burying her emotional vulnerability. Even though you two were together, she never let herself bel
ieve it was going to be forever. As the days ticked by, you didn’t do anything to change her view.”
“You been attending the therapy appointments you mandate to your clients?” I throw back at him.
“Maybe,” he answers unfazed.
“Can I ask you something?” Grace’s violet eyes are clouded with sadness.
“I think we all know there are no boundaries. Ask away.”
“Why did you avoid the attraction for so long? Why did you let her go to Charlotte without a fight? It took you a long time to make your move. And, after listening to her last night, even I’m questioning your commitment.”
I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, knowing this is the moment of truth. These are things that I should be discussing with Claire, but I’m going to need all the help I can get. When I open my eyes, I focus on the view beyond the railing, staring into the darkness.
“Things were intense when Bizzy and Claire went to Charlotte. I wasn’t happy about it, but Bizzy needed her best friend, and I had no right to demand Claire stay. I also knew they would make an excellent team and help train the staff of the new Pediatric Oncology team. It sucked, but I had to let her go. Nurse Evie put me in contact with the nursing director, and every day, I’d contact her about how things were going. I knew about every patient Claire worked with and every doctor she came into contact with. Her reports were always exemplary, and there was talk of offering her a full-time position to stay. I didn’t take the news well and went straight to Evie. She promised me she’d handle it. The night Claire came back to Miami for the children’s Christmas party was the night I felt relief like I’d never felt in my life. I realized that night how scared I was to actually lose her.”
“Oh my God,” Bizzy breathes out.
I stay focused on the night sky and keep going. “I took too long to make my move because I was intent on getting my shit together. The pressures of work closed in on me. My choice to do a combined residency in Pediatric Oncology and Hematology has been tough, and it’s required a lot of sacrifices. Then, with the boards and other certifications, my time was never my own. I couldn’t ask her to live with that. I convinced myself it was enough to have her in my life in some way without asking her to live with the uncertain schedule and demands. Her free-spirit was a direct contrast to my rigid structure. Everyone knows what happened that night at the game. I gave in, said fuck it to my overly inflated sense of righteousness. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. The only things that didn’t change were my schedule and demands. My commitment to her is unwavering, but it’s also spread amongst my obligations.”
“We all have careers, Mathis. You don’t have to sacrifice love,” Shaw tells me.
“I didn’t think I was sacrificing love. I thought I was giving her the freedom to be with me and also be herself. We all know Claire can’t be tamed. Asking her to adjust to my lifestyle seemed selfish.”
“You need to know something else, something important,” Grace pipes in. “She’s lived all these years thinking she was a challenge you didn’t want to take on. It’s branded in her brain from that night so long ago.”
“That’s fucking bullshit.”
“She’s not the only one holding things in.”